Chapter 69
For the rest of the time, Zhuang Chi was somewhat absent-minded.
Neither she nor Gu Ximian brought up the subject, tacitly agreeing to start viewing the exhibition together. Setting aside why Gu Ximian didn't mention it, Zhuang Chi had no time to spare. She hadn't fully processed the bizarre, supernatural event she had just experienced, and the few words from the Notebook revealed too much information, leaving her more and more confused the more she thought about it.
...That notebook... it must be the one I used to write the novel, right? Zhuang Chi thought. I should have properly confirmed its identity just now. Now, all I know is that it can alter the plot progression of this world to some extent—what did it change? Does that mean all the previous events that didn't align with the original plot were its doing?
And what did it mean by saying I pose a threat to this world? Why was I brought here in the first place? And now, to abruptly ask me in such a formal way if I love Gu Ximian, as if it were an incredibly important matter...
There were too many things she didn't understand, churning her thoughts into a mess. And this was something she couldn't ask anyone else for help with, especially not Gu Ximian, who had been named by the Notebook. Thus, she was exceptionally quiet while viewing the exhibition with Gu Ximian. Gu Ximian had long since noticed something was amiss and asked her several times if she was feeling unwell. After denying it a few times, Zhuang Chi knew this couldn't go on. She slowly exhaled a breath and smiled at the worried-looking Gu Ximian.
"I'm really not unwell. I'm just... thinking about some things." This was the most she could explain to Gu Ximian. Zhuang Chi pursed her lips guiltily and said softly, "...But I haven't figured it out yet. If there's a chance, once I understand everything, I'll tell you, okay?"
Gu Ximian stopped walking and looked at her intently for a long moment before finally humming in agreement. "Okay. I'll wait for you then."
Whenever Zhuang Chi spoke to her so earnestly, Gu Ximian was always an understanding person. She didn't press further. Instead, after checking the time, she deftly changed the subject. "It's about time. Shall we go back to the entrance to find An Chen and the others?"
The two of them walked back to the exhibition entrance together and met up with the others. Although many worries still weighed on her mind, Zhuang Chi forced herself to focus on the present and restrained herself from thinking about those issues for the time being, so as not to make anyone else worry.
Especially when she saw Gu Ximian, she had to restrain herself from thinking, Do I love her?
After the exhibition, the group followed An Chen to a hotel to check in.
"Here, room keys." An Chen brought over six key cards and handed one to each person. "One room per person, all next to each other. If you need anything, just tell the front desk. They also offer a gym, massages, hot springs, and so on—basically, any service you can think of, they have it."
"...I knew your family was rich, so I didn't think much of you treating us, but now that I hear how thorough the service is, I feel a little bad," Lou Che mumbled, staring at the key card in An Chen's hand without quickly reaching for it. "Besides, I thought you'd have us share rooms, two people per room or something... After all, besides Gu Ximian, everyone here is an Alpha..."
"What nonsense are you talking about?" An Chen raised an eyebrow nonchalantly and stuffed the key card into Lou Che's hand. "If you really feel bad, then let's continue the meeting later and discuss the ball some more. You were slacking off during the exhibition, weren't you? You didn't say anything useful."
"—And Zhuang Chi, too." He turned his head as he spoke, looking at the dazed Zhuang Chi with a frown. "...That expression again. I feel like you've been restless ever since we gathered, and you've been talking less... What's wrong? You weren't just fooling around like Lou Che, were you?"
Ignoring Lou Che muttering, "His attitude toward Zhuang Chi and toward me seems a little different," An Chen looked at Zhuang Chi with considerable worry. Zhuang Chi sighed inwardly, realizing she hadn't been perfectly discreet after all. Just as she was wondering how to explain, she heard Gu Ximian say, "She wasn't just fooling around. She was with me most of the time and was looking very intently. She's probably just tired. Let her get some proper rest."
...No, while it's true I was with Gu Ximian, my behavior back then could hardly be described as "looking very intently." Zhuang Chi looked over in surprise. Seeing Gu Ximian's composed expression, the unsuspecting Alphas believed her words without a doubt. An Chen's face instantly softened, and he said self-reproachfully, "...It's true, the schedule has been too packed recently. Let's not have another meeting today. Everyone, let's just rest."
"Right, right, An Chen just said the facilities at this hotel are excellent," Ling Jing chimed in, moving closer enthusiastically and extending an invitation. "How about we go to the hot springs together? Don't they say hot springs are the best way to relieve fatigue? The three of us female Alphas can go together!"
"Eh?!" Before Zhuang Chi could speak, Olivia cried out in surprise. She seemed to freeze up, at a complete loss. She slowly glanced at Zhuang Chi before quickly looking away, her face flushing red as she stammered, "B-But I didn't bring a swimsuit... Ah, does that mean you don't need swimsuits for hot springs in this country? Then... then I might not... have the courage..."
"..." Her hesitation was so obvious that almost everyone saw what was going on. Only Ling Jing was still saying with annoyance and sudden realization, "Now that you mention it, that's right, none of us brought swimsuits... Is it too late to go buy some now? Hey, An Chen, is it possible your hotel's front desk offers a service to help buy swimsuits—"
"Forget it, Ling Jing. For today... just give up on that idea." An Chen sighed and shook his head. "...Besides, if we all went to the hot springs, Ximian would be the only one going to the female Omega pool. She'd probably be lonely."
"Oh, that makes sense..." Ling Jing accepted this reason quickly. After a brief moment of disappointment, she rallied her spirits and sincerely suggested to Zhuang Chi, "It's okay, soaking in the bathtub is just as good. You can fill the tub with water first, then soak in it for ten or twenty minutes. It's even quieter than the hot springs!"
She seemed to be genuinely trying to help her "relieve her fatigue." As Zhuang Chi smiled, a faint sense of guilt for her concealment arose. She decided to compensate by not rejecting Ling Jing's kindness and nodded. "I know, I'll give it a try."
Having agreed, they all had dinner together, and then Zhuang Chi returned to her hotel room.
Finally back to being alone, she relaxed her shoulders, which had tensed up at some point, and took a deep breath.
She wasn't good at hiding things to begin with, and today's events had happened so suddenly that it was already a struggle just to keep herself together. In a way, Gu Ximian's excuse for her wasn't wrong; Zhuang Chi was indeed tired.
She put down her backpack, went to the bathroom, and started filling the bathtub with water.
It took some time to fill the tub. Zhuang Chi spaced out beside it, wondering if she would see everyone again later today. Perhaps after a bath, she would be able to act more naturally. She also wondered if she went back to that painting in the museum alone now, would she be pulled into that strange space again and see the Notebook.
...But the museum should be closed for the day. Even if I snuck over, I wouldn't be able to get in. I should give up on that plan for now.
Her mind was filled with a jumble of thoughts. Zhuang Chi waited for the tub to fill, gave herself a quick rinse, and then submerged herself in the bathtub up to her chin.
The slightly scalding water enveloped Zhuang Chi snugly. She had intentionally set the water temperature a little high. A stinging sensation, almost like pain, spread across her body, making her frown slightly. After enduring it, she felt a relaxing comfort.
...Well, now it's time to think. Zhuang Chi thought. For now, I'll set aside those difficult questions related to the Notebook that I can't figure out on my own. What I should be thinking about now is—
Let's put the "difficult problem" aside for a moment. Perhaps I should start with an easier angle. For example, regarding what the Notebook said about "leaving this world," she hadn't carefully considered whether she wanted to stay or leave.
Actually, from a practical standpoint, it wasn't a difficult choice. After all, Zhuang Chi remembered being hit by a car in her original world. Even if it was called "leaving," she felt it was essentially equivalent to a second death, so she would want to stay.
Then... what if I could return to my original world, safe and sound? Zhuang Chi thought. What would I choose then?
When she first realized this was the world of her novel, there was indeed a period when she felt very awkward. If she'd had a chance to escape back then, she might have really fled without a second thought.
...But, as things stand now. Zhuang Chi thought. I might as well be honest with myself. I want to stay here.
But why is that?
It seemed to be inextricably linked... to her "difficult problem."
"..."
Damn it. Zhuang Chi hugged her knees resentfully. She had gradually come to fully accept this world because of her entanglement with Gu Ximian. So, did she love Gu Ximian or not? Why was such a simple-sounding question so hard to answer?
Maybe I should go ask the other Alphas for their experience? Zhuang Chi thought. Aren't they all in love with Gu Ximian in a romantic sense? If I ask them, maybe I can learn some methods of judgment, like how they realized they had fallen in love with her...
...No, that doesn't feel like a good idea. Answering her own question, she shook her head. Zhuang Chi thought melancholically, on second thought, I actually know very well why they fell in love with Gu Ximian—it was all love at first sight. Not a single exception. After all, as the author, I still don't know what the signs of love are. The younger Zhuang Chi was even more clueless, and with a stroke of her pen, she wrote it all in a simple, crude, and unreasonable way. Looking back now—to put it bluntly—it feels like those Alphas are practically just tool characters used to highlight Gu Ximian's charm...
And at the time, Zhuang Chi saw no problem with this at all. She just felt that Gu Ximian was the kind of person who would be easily loved. A perfect female protagonist like her deserved to be loved by the world.
The discussion on the meaning of "love" seemed to be an eternal topic, reflected in countless works from all times and places. Zhuang Chi had once read a line of poetry: "Love is the only disability of my soul."
Light yet heavy, restrained yet expressive, an emotion full of contradictions. Zhuang Chi thought hazily. But people always pursue it tirelessly, one after another. Perhaps this is a flaw common to all. Am I, too, caught in that wave?
If only there were some way to verify it. Zhuang Chi looked up, staring blankly at the ceiling through the rising steam. Her whole body felt feverishly hot, and every breath was warm. She thought, if only there were a definite indicator, if only a kind god would tell me the answer, or give me a little revelation, that would be great.
Gu Ximian. Zhuang Chi unconsciously repeated the name in her mind. Before her eyes was an ethereal, formless mist. She watched it quietly, silently repeating the name in her heart once more. Gu Ximian.
Her one and only female protagonist, who originally existed in a different world but could now stand shoulder to shoulder with her. A name that had existed in her life since her teens; to this day, she had no idea how many times she had repeated it.
Even in a world that could be called her former "black history," it seemed that because of Gu Ximian's existence, Zhuang Chi liked this world a little more.
She thought too much and lost track of time, only realizing with a start that she had been soaking in the tub for too long. Zhuang Chi slowly stood up, feeling a sudden wave of weakness throughout her body.
She thought it was an aftereffect of soaking for too long. She changed into her pajamas, wanting to go out and lie down. The heat all around her in the bathroom wouldn't subside, making even her eyes feel hot, as if the speed of her blood flow had suddenly quickened, circulating tirelessly beneath her skin.
And the moment Zhuang Chi pushed open the bathroom door, she dazedly smelled the fresh air that rushed in from the room outside. Only then did she finally realize something was wrong.
—At some unknown point, the bathroom had become filled with a familiar, coolly bitter fragrance.
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