Chapter 92
It had been almost a full day since she had seen Gu Ximian.
The previous night, Gu Ximian had returned to her room after taking a suppressant and didn't come out for dinner. Her parents, however, seemed to have grown accustomed to this. Zhuang Chi watched as they only exchanged a few words at the dinner table, such as “Ximian’s susceptible period is here again” and “It’s not easy for the child,” before tacitly accepting Gu Ximian’s decision to lock herself in her room.
And Gu Ximian still hadn't come out of her room today. Not only had she skipped breakfast and lunch, but she hadn't even opened the door to take the water left for her. Zhuang Chi's worry continued to mount. Gu Ximian didn't have a habit of eating snacks, so there was almost no food in her room. Didn't this mean she had gone without food or drink for nearly a whole day?
Even though her parents acted as if this was perfectly normal, Zhuang Chi couldn't feel at ease. But she couldn't open the door and could only pace anxiously outside Gu Ximian's closed door. She kept recalling Gu Ximian's words from last night, telling her not to come see her, yet she couldn't help but approach the door and call out, “Gu Ximian, how are you? Do you want some water? It’s bottled, I’ll just leave it at the door.”
Her voice fell, but no response came. Zhuang Chi practically pressed her ear to the door, but all she heard was silence.
Helpless, she waited for some time. Seeing the sky turn a dusky yellow, around the time Gu Ximian would normally be home from school, she stood at Gu Ximian's door again. Seeing the water still untouched, her heart burned with anxiety. “You… you have to eat something today. It’s been so long, your body won’t be able to take it… How about I get you some fruit? It’ll be easy to eat after I wash and cut it. You can just open the door and take it in yourself. I won’t look at you, okay?”
There was still no reply from inside the room, but Zhuang Chi heard a slight noise, followed by a dull thud against the door panel. It felt as if Gu Ximian had thrown something at the door. It startled her, as she had been leaning against it.
…It seemed she had annoyed her. Zhuang Chi had no choice but to leave for the time being. This time, she waited until night. By eleven, everyone else in the house was asleep. The living room lights were off, and Zhuang Chi sat alone on the sofa. The night was deep and silent, but she felt no desire to sleep.
Despite having been clearly rejected, Zhuang Chi finally stood before Gu Ximian's door for the third time. All was quiet around her. In the darkness, she silently raised her hand to touch the door. Her palm was cold, as if touching a thick, unthawable sheet of ice.
“Gu Ximian,” Zhuang Chi began softly. She felt she had never been so powerless in her entire life. A lump in her throat made it hard to keep her voice steady. There were so many things she wanted to say, but the first words to come out were, “…I’m sorry.”
What was she apologizing for? Perhaps for disturbing her time and again, or perhaps for the unspoken root causes. In any case, Zhuang Chi couldn't help but feel an immense sense of guilt. Of course, she didn't want to see Gu Ximian in pain, but she didn't know what she could do. She was a visitor from a different world, a ghost who couldn't even open a door, the very person who had caused Gu Ximian such suffering. What should she do? What could she do?
Her decision to make her an S-class Omega had been a thoughtless one. She had only thought that Gu Ximian should be the best, the highest grade, without ever considering that an S-class would suffer more during their susceptible period than other grades. Zhuang Chi had come to realize over time that for the parts she hadn't mentioned in the novel, this world would fill in the gaps in a reasonable manner. Which meant—
—If only she had thought of it back then, Zhuang Chi thought. If only she had written in detail in the book that S-class Omegas were only stronger in terms of pheromones than other grades. Then Gu Ximian wouldn't be…
She offered this apology only because of her own turbulent emotions. Zhuang Chi didn't expect a response from Gu Ximian this time and was even mentally prepared to have something thrown at her again to drive her away. But to her surprise, not only did she not hear anything being thrown, but she heard the faint sound of footsteps, as if the person inside was slowly walking towards the door.
Then the door was suddenly pulled open, and behind it was Gu Ximian, whom she hadn't seen for a day.
The moment the door opened, Gu Ximian's scent rushed out, crashing into Zhuang Chi. Pheromones didn't change with age; what Zhuang Chi smelled was still the familiar scent from her memory. And perhaps it was fortunate, but her current form didn't seem to be affected by Gu Ximian's pheromones. There was no unbearable heat flaring up, nor any uncontrollable desire. This was the first time she could smell Gu Ximian's scent in such a normal physiological state—sweet and cool, like embracing a March spring.
Zhuang Chi looked at Gu Ximian, at her pale lips, her flushed face, and the strands of hair at her temples damp with fine sweat. The already slender girl now appeared as if she could be blown over by the wind, looking countless times more haggard than yesterday. Only her eyes still held on, looking at her as calmly as ever in the darkness.
“You’re so noisy.”
Gu Ximian said this, her tone light. Zhuang Chi stared at her blankly, about to apologize again, but then she saw her let go of the doorknob and take half a step back, sighing softly as she glanced over.
“…What are you still standing there for? Aren’t you coming in?”
Zhuang Chi followed Gu Ximian into the room.
The lights were off, and the curtains were drawn tightly. A heavy darkness occupied the room as the door closed. While Zhuang Chi was still adjusting to the dark, Gu Ximian had already sat down on the edge of the bed. Her usually straight back had lost some of its strength, showing a hint of fatigue.
“…Speaking of which, can you smell it?” Gu Ximian suddenly asked, looking at Zhuang Chi. “The scent of my pheromones.”
Zhuang Chi looked at her, a dull ache in her heart. Her reply was very soft, “Yes. It’s a very nice scent.”
“So you can smell it.” Gu Ximian smiled at her. “Of course it’s nice. Anyone who smells my pheromones thinks they’re smelling their favorite scent. Isn’t that strange? But you should smell it more. It’s rare to find someone unaffected by my pheromones. I heard from the doctor that even Betas can’t smell too much of it.”
She spoke about these things very seriously, but Zhuang Chi couldn't help but notice that Gu Ximian's voice was a little hoarse. The more she listened, the more anxious she became. “Gu Ximian, have you not had any water all day? Should I go get you some water and food?”
Gu Ximian looked at her for a long moment, then slowly lowered her head.
“…No.” She refused softly, her voice mixed with a sigh, yet her tone was firm. “I have to endure it like this. My susceptible period is an unreasonable fire; it won't stop until it has burned everything it can. Once I eat or drink, it’s like adding fuel to the fire, and it will last longer.”
“Rather than that, it’s better to let it burn me out as quickly as possible. It would be best if I collapsed from exhaustion right now. If I could open my eyes again and the susceptible period was over, that would be perfect.”
“What a pity,” Gu Ximian laughed under her breath, her tone one of genuine regret. “I always manage to hold on for quite a while.”
Zhuang Chi was horrified. After a long pause, she asked, at a loss, “How… has it always been like this? Didn’t you take a suppressant? And logically, an Omega’s susceptible period shouldn’t be…”
“That’s why I said, I’m an S-class Omega.”
A trace of irony entered her voice as Gu Ximian said softly, “Other grades of Omegas can suppress the surge of pheromones during their susceptible period with suppressants, but an S-class can’t. Other grades of Omegas don’t have such a difficult susceptible period, but an S-class’s is more intense—I can’t even control my pheromone leakage normally, let alone during my susceptible period. I can only let my pheromones run rampant.”
“Powerful pheromones bring powerful side effects, how perfectly reasonable.” She closed her eyes wearily and chuckled. “Don’t be fooled by how I’m able to talk to you like this. This is already very difficult. You just came at a good time, right after my last wave of heat passed, so I can think normally…”
At this point, Gu Ximian paused and looked at Zhuang Chi. “Speaking of which, I haven’t asked you yet. Why did you say sorry to me outside the door just now?”
“…” Zhuang Chi looked at her, needing to exert great effort to suppress the sourness in her throat, but she couldn't hold back her gloomy emotions. “…Because I feel so useless.”
“Can I help you with anything?” Zhuang Chi asked, her voice trembling slightly. She felt that asking such a question, given her status as the culprit, was simply laughable, but she had to say it no matter what. “What can I do to help you… Gu Ximian, I…”
“I want you to be okay.” She finally couldn't suppress the surging emotions, lowering her head. Her words were trembling violently, mixed with sobs. “What should I do? I don’t know… why would it…”
Gu Ximian was silent for a long time. The only sound in the room was Zhuang Chi’s small gasps, as if she were the one being tormented by the heat and not Gu Ximian. After a long while, Gu Ximian finally spoke, her voice softer than ever before. “Z, come here.”
Zhuang Chi obediently approached, crouching in front of Gu Ximian and looking up at her. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and could make out Gu Ximian’s expression. It was surprisingly calm and gentle. Her eyes, like evening stars, were lowered, and Zhuang Chi saw a tiny point of light within them, which seemed to be her own reflection.
“…Did you know,” Gu Ximian murmured softly, raising her hand and slowly bringing it closer, stopping just short of Zhuang Chi’s cheek. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen a light in the night of my susceptible period.”
“And talking to someone like this about my susceptible period is also a first.” Gu Ximian said, a gentle smile gracing her lips. “I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I’m sorry, I threw a pillow at the door when you came earlier. I was in a lot of pain then, and then—”
She stopped abruptly mid-sentence. Zhuang Chi looked up, bewildered, and saw Gu Ximian’s lips tighten slightly. Her raised hand also clenched into a fist, so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
“…I’m sorry,” she said softly, taking a slow breath and closing her eyes. “I think I’m about to…”
Even though she didn't finish, Zhuang Chi could already see what was happening—Gu Ximian’s next wave of heat had arrived.
Zhuang Chi watched as Gu Ximian took one deep breath after another, her breathing growing more and more rapid, while her complexion grew worse and worse. Her lips were deathly pale, but her face was abnormally flushed. She soon couldn't maintain her sitting posture and slumped down powerlessly, curling into a small ball. Her body was tense, a clear sign of some uncontrollable internal abnormality. She gripped her own arm tightly, her nails digging deep into her skin, as if trying to use pain to suppress herself.
“…It’s here again,” Gu Ximian murmured as if in a dream. “When will it stop burning? It’s so hot, so unbearable. Do other Omegas feel like this? What about Alphas? Betas? I don’t understand, why me of all people…”
She seemed to crumble in an instant. Her previously calm and gentle eyes were now unfocused, and her consciousness had become hazy. Her body arched uncontrollably, and she was still mumbling something, but not to Zhuang Chi. “What do you mean, the pheromone grade is innate and can't be changed? I’ve heard enough of that. It’s a good thing? Congratulations? Who on earth would think it’s good? It’s not like I wanted to differentiate into… Protect yourself, especially during your susceptible period, you must protect yourself… How am I supposed to protect myself? I wish I could…”
It was as if she were talking to someone, but the subject changed quickly. As if trapped in a terrible nightmare, a lucid dream she couldn't escape, Gu Ximian’s gaze was fixed on the empty air.
“Stop circling me, stop looking at my neck, all of you, get away from me. I feel sick. All of you, all of you…”
“…Don’t go on, I don’t want to, no, don’t do this,” Gu Ximian shook her head forcefully, her voice soft and slurred, even letting out a few low laughs. “No matter which Alpha's pheromones they are, they all smell so disgusting. Then why does my body still… It’s my body, why won’t it listen to me? On what grounds…”
“When will this world be destroyed? It feels like it’ll be a long time. Or maybe—”
Gu Ximian murmured, then suddenly raised her head. Under Zhuang Chi’s watch, she slowly stood up, swayed over to her desk, pulled open a drawer, and took something out, gripping it in her hand.
“…Wouldn’t it be faster to destroy myself?”
—Zhuang Chi saw it clearly. In her hand was a utility knife.
Time seemed to slow down in that moment. Zhuang Chi could almost hear the sound of the utility knife’s blade being slowly extended, echoing clearly in her ears. It might have been an illusion, but the cold blade was real. She watched that silver glint that sent a chill through her body, so close to Gu Ximian, and her heart skipped a beat.
Destroy myself. Zhuang Chi thought. Gu Ximian wants to—
Her thoughts came to a halt there. There was nothing more to think about. Whether Gu Ximian would actually do it, or whether Zhuang Chi was originally unable to touch her, all of it was thrown to the back of her mind. She only remembered that she had shot to her feet, and the next thing she knew, she had already caught Gu Ximian's wrist. It was so slender she could easily encircle it with one hand. A slightly feverish temperature transmitted to her palm—the definite sensation of a firm grip.
Zhuang Chi didn't have time to think about anything else. She snatched the utility knife from Gu Ximian’s hand and threw it far into a corner of the room. From the sound of the crash, it seemed to have knocked something over, but she had no time to care. Her heart was pounding wildly. Gu Ximian raised her dazed eyes to look at her, seemingly not yet grasping the situation, and said softly, “…You can touch me now. And you seem to have gotten bigger—”
The next second, her wrist was released. It was strange; although what she saw before her was still just a blurry ball of light, Gu Ximian seemed to be able to feel the warmth, the scent, and the slightly trembling hand that wrapped around her waist.
As if being salvaged from the bottom of a cold body of water, Gu Ximian was pulled forcefully into an embrace.
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