Chapter 95
When she opened her eyes this time, the temperature around her had dropped quite a bit compared to yesterday. Zhuang Chi looked at the bright sky outside the window, her mood lightening considerably.
Her conversation with the Notebook had resolved many of the questions in her mind. She now understood that when the Notebook had said she would pose a “threat” to this world, it was because of her misaligned timeline and the potential influence she could have on Gu Ximian's subconscious. But to be honest, even knowing this wasn't very useful to Zhuang Chi. The matter of time was out of her hands; she couldn't control it herself. As for the latter...
...it felt like it might be better to do nothing at all, Zhuang Chi thought. The subconscious... she felt that if she really tried to interfere, it might backfire. Besides, three years had passed, and Gu Ximian hadn't gotten into any trouble... In any case, she would tell Gu Ximian everything else first. The Notebook hadn't forbidden her from mentioning it this time...
As she was thinking about this, she heard a knock on the door. The visitor was none other than the Gu Ximian she had been longing for. She didn't know if the girl had been listening for sounds outside the door or what, but she had come over not even two minutes after Zhuang Chi had opened her eyes. She had changed out of her formal dress and was now in casual clothes, walking in with a blank expression.
Zhuang Chi watched her silently pour a glass of water, the atmosphere feeling a bit strange. She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Did you... just get here?”
Gu Ximian's gaze flickered. She turned, handed the water to her, and replied, “I didn't leave yesterday.”
Seeing Zhuang Chi so shocked that she forgot to drink her water, Gu Ximian sighed softly. “...What else? If you fainted again, I—was I supposed to wait for a doctor to tell me? Where do you think I should have been, if not at the hospital?”
The words weren't very polite, but her tone was muffled and subdued, revealing a reluctant concern rather than anger. Gu Ximian herself was clearly aware of this. She silently pressed her lips together, said no more, and turned to call the doctor. Sensing the girl's complex emotions, and with the doctor arriving quickly, Zhuang Chi couldn't say much. She just cooperated, had her temperature taken, and learned that it had gone down. She would probably be fine after some more rest.
It seemed she might have really just caught a cold when she fainted. Zhuang Chi breathed a small sigh of relief, then couldn't help but look at Gu Ximian, her brow furrowed with worry. “You were wearing even less than me that night. You didn't catch a cold or get a fever or anything, did you?”
“...That night?”
Instead of answering, Gu Ximian, whose gaze had been lowered, suddenly looked up at her and said slowly, “Wasn't it just last night? Why do you say it like it was a long time ago?”
“...”
For Zhuang Chi, it was a long time ago—almost a month.
Sensing a probing tone in Gu Ximian's words, Zhuang Chi thought that now, with her mind much clearer, it was about time to have a proper talk with Gu Ximian about those things. But just as she opened her mouth, she heard a rush of hurried footsteps from the hallway outside. With clear purpose, the door to her hospital room was pushed open with a bang.
“Zhuang Chi!” Ling Jing shot in first, her eyes welling with tears as she sat down by the bed. “How did you really end up in the hospital! You were fine last night, what on earth happened!”
The other three followed, crowding around and blocking half of Gu Ximian from view. An Chen was slightly more rational. Although his expression looked terrible, he still explained to a bewildered Zhuang Chi, “We couldn't get in touch with you or Ximian since last night. No matter how many messages we sent, no one replied. You have no idea how worried we were—”
“—We weren't that worried at first, you know.”
Lou Che cut in with a straight face, his words startling. “Last night, we were thinking it might be better not to disturb you. After all, you two had just kissed. Perhaps you were spending some very important time together and didn't have a moment to reply to our messages...”
“Shut up, Lou Che! Zhuang Chi is lying in a hospital bed and you're still spouting nonsense!”
“Huh? But that's what we were thinking last night. Weren't you the one who, while looking dejected, thoughtfully said we should help them handle the aftermath of the Christmas Ball and all that...”
...It looked like An Chen was about to lose his temper and punch Lou Che. Zhuang Chi's face turned bright red as she listened, unsure whether to stop An Chen first or to explain. At that moment, Olivia gave a small cough. “...Then, when no one had replied by this morning, we finally got worried. We went through our contacts and managed to reach Gu Ximian's butler, and that's when we found out you had fainted yesterday.”
“Exactly! What happened, Zhuang Chi? How could you suddenly faint!” As soon as she finished, Ling Jing leaned in again. “It's not some hidden illness, is it?! Don't worry, don't hide it from us, I'll find the best doctors for you!”
“...No need, thank you.”
She should wish her well instead. When Ling Jing got excited, she couldn't control her volume. She leaned in so close that Zhuang Chi's head was practically spinning from the noise. But her concern was so palpable that Zhuang Chi didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She opened her mouth to explain, “I just caught a cold and had a fever—”
The words had barely left her mouth when Ling Jing, who had been leaning close, was suddenly yanked away. She was pulled aside by her collar like a cat being grabbed by the scruff of its neck. She turned her head, baffled and about to get angry, only to meet Gu Ximian's cool, clear eyes. The voice she heard was tinged with an indisputable chill. “Her body is very healthy. Don't talk nonsense.”
Ling Jing, who had been about to throw a fit, lost all her bluster in front of Gu Ximian. She obediently nodded and admitted her mistake. “...I'm sorry, I spoke without thinking.”
Gu Ximian gave a short “mm,” but didn't let go of Ling Jing's collar. She continued, “Also, you're too loud.”
“And you all,” she said, her gaze sweeping over the other three. “She just has a fever. But with so many people in here, it will affect her rest.”
...Gu Ximian seemed particularly unapproachable today. Zhuang Chi watched, speechless, as Gu Ximian, like an impartial foreman, ushered the four of them, who had only just arrived, out of the room. She hesitated for a long while, and only when the two of them were alone again did she weakly ask, “...Are you angry?”
—For instance, because their conversation had been interrupted by them.
Gu Ximian paused, neither nodding nor shaking her head. She only said softly, “...I just need you to get better as soon as possible.”
“The doctor said I can be discharged this afternoon,” she said, looking at Zhuang Chi. A myriad of emotions swirled in her eyes, as if she had a thousand things to say, but in the end, she only said curtly, “When the time comes, we should go somewhere we won't be disturbed.”
—A place where they wouldn't be disturbed meant Gu Ximian's home.
Even though she had anticipated it, she still felt nervous when she actually arrived. Especially after hearing the click of the door closing behind her, Zhuang Chi was struck by the visceral sense that they were the only two people in this space—Gu Ximian had even locked it. Twice.
Noticing Zhuang Chi's slightly terrified gaze, Gu Ximian fastened the security chain and said calmly, “Just in case.”
...In case of what? To prevent the door from being pushed open suddenly like before? Zhuang Chi thought. What strong preventive awareness. And, this meant she was angry, right?
Rather, Gu Ximian's mood had seemed strange ever since Zhuang Chi returned to this world. She tried her best to appear aloof, but what Zhuang Chi saw was that her turmoil and confusion had reached a point where she had to act this way to hide it. Feeling responsible for causing such emotional upheaval, Zhuang Chi took a shallow breath and said gently, “...It's okay, I'm right here. You can ask me anything you want. No one will come to disturb us.”
Gu Ximian watched her quietly for a few seconds, then walked over to the sofa and sat down, her back ramrod straight. After a long silence, she finally spoke softly, “Then you won't faint again?”
It seemed she had really scared her. Zhuang Chi felt a pang of guilt and shook her head. “I won't. Don't worry.”
There was a period of silence, as if Gu Ximian was weighing the credibility of her words. Finally, she sighed softly and looked up at her. “...Come here.”
As her voice became faint, her eyes shimmered with a fine light. The emotion within them was like fragile, delicate glass, a single glance making Zhuang Chi's heart ache. She obediently walked to the sofa, but before she could sit, Gu Ximian grabbed her wrist, applying a slight pressure, and asked in a strained voice, “Why did you faint yesterday?”
She had expected the first question to be about her identity as the author. She didn't expect Gu Ximian to be more concerned about the reason she fainted. Zhuang Chi thought for a moment and condensed the long journey into a single sentence: “...My consciousness returned to three years ago at that moment.”
“...” Gu Ximian's grip on her hand tightened. She murmured softly, as if to herself, “And then you became a light ball?”
She slowly raised her eyes. “A light ball only I could see. Right, Z?”
It was a name she had heard many times over the past month, but this was the first time she had heard it from the eighteen-year-old Gu Ximian. Zhuang Chi's throat tightened. She silently nodded. “It was me.”
Gu Ximian was a smart person. At this point, she already understood some things in her heart, but she needed to hear it clearly from Zhuang Chi's mouth. For example, she already had her suspicions, but she still had to ask, “Then why didn't you ever tell me about this before?”
“Because for me, I only experienced this yesterday.” The things involved were so complicated that Zhuang Chi didn't even know where to begin, explaining clumsily, “You experienced it three years ago, you'd already met Z, but I hadn't... I know it sounds confusing, but I really didn't have that memory before yesterday. I didn't intentionally hide it from you.”
Gu Ximian didn't speak, just watched her quietly. Zhuang Chi wanted to find some proof to support her words, but she realized that without the Notebook here, she had no tangible evidence. She felt a little dejected. “...I don't have any proof, but what I'm saying is true. Can you believe me?”
She sounds so pitiful, Gu Ximian thought. She always looks so heart-wrenchingly soft.
“...I can believe you.” Seeing Zhuang Chi's face light up at her words, Gu Ximian had to try very hard to harden her heart. She changed the subject. “I can believe that you truly had no memory of being Z before yesterday. But what about you being the author of this novel?”
“Did you only find that out yesterday too?” The thought of how she had mistaken Zhuang Chi for the official pairing and discussed the matters of this world with her made Gu Ximian feel suffocated. She stared at Zhuang Chi without blinking. “Why didn't you tell me?”
Seeing her on the verge of anger, Zhuang Chi didn't dare to hide a single detail. She recounted the entire affair from beginning to end, including the existence of the Notebook and its interference that caused her heart palpitations. The whole story was very long, and by the time she finished, her mouth was dry. She stole a glance at Gu Ximian, who had remained expressionless the entire time, and said apprehensively, “...So that's what happened. I'm sorry, I really did hide it from you...”
Gu Ximian lowered her eyelids. The information she had just heard was a lot to take in; even she needed some time to process it. She should have been angry at Zhuang Chi for hiding it from her, but somehow, after hearing Zhuang Chi's guilty tone, she couldn't help but ask one more question. “If you had such good reasons, then why did you suddenly decide to tell me yesterday? Weren't you planning to hide it from me forever?”
It was a question she already knew the answer to. Gu Ximian was well aware, but she insisted on asking, waiting for Zhuang Chi to give her a reason. Zhuang Chi was quiet for a moment, then her response came more fluently than she had expected. “I was planning to tell you after some time anyway. Yesterday just moved up the schedule.”
“I never wanted to keep hiding things from you,” she said softly. Gu Ximian subconsciously turned to look at her, intending only a casual glance before looking away, but she was caught by Zhuang Chi's clear, moist eyes. They were still so bright, looking at her dazzlingly, her gaze as direct and sincere as her words. “It would make me feel terrible, so guilty that I wouldn't be able to say I like you with a clear conscience.”
“—”
For a moment, she lost the ability to speak. Gu Ximian subconsciously pressed her lips together. What an infuriating person, she thought. How could she say something like that so easily, with no solemnity at all? What was this, this person, Zhuang Chi, was really...
Gu Ximian felt her chest swell as if it were about to explode with anger—she assumed it was anger. She forced her thoughts back to what she had just heard, especially the fact that Zhuang Chi and Z were the same person, something Gu Ximian had already mulled over countless times. She recalled how she had treated Z like a little creature that couldn't spill secrets, telling it so many things, and even inviting Z to sleep in the same bed with her. She felt like the sky was falling. Her whole being was in disarray, and she didn't even know who to be angry at.
She felt terribly conflicted, but then she remembered how she had kept watch by the unconscious Zhuang Chi's side yesterday, with no time to think about so many things. Gu Ximian remembered her feelings from yesterday, filled to the brim with one thought—if Zhuang Chi never opened her eyes again, what would she do?
What was this? Gu Ximian thought. Zhuang Chi had completely deceived her. She had always hated being lied to, but how could she...
A chaotic jumble of thoughts and complaints flashed through her mind. When she came to her senses, she had already pulled Zhuang Chi down to sit beside her and had raised her hand to tightly grip the other's collar, as if she were about to grab Zhuang Chi by the lapels and start a fight without a second thought.
That was exactly what Zhuang Chi thought. Gu Ximian was silent, and her actions were exceptionally forceful, which truly frightened her. But she thought that no matter what, the outcome was that she had indeed deceived Gu Ximian, so it was only right for her to take a beating. She obediently waited to be hit, but it never came.
What she got was a kiss. With an air that was almost like gritting her teeth, Gu Ximian leaned in and kissed her forcefully.
A single day had clearly not improved Gu Ximian's kissing skills. This kiss was even less composed than their one at the Christmas Ball; in fact, it was even more chaotic. Gu Ximian bit her lip unceremoniously. When Zhuang Chi opened her mouth in pain, she plunged in haphazardly, kissing without any rhyme or reason.
A perfectly fine kiss was thrown into utter disarray. Zhuang Chi's head was spinning. She subconsciously wrapped her arms tightly around Gu Ximian's waist. She hadn't deliberately intended to turn the tables, but her actions did just that. She properly accepted everything from Gu Ximian, then returned it with double the gentleness. Zhuang Chi hadn't known she was such a quick learner in this regard. She only felt that Gu Ximian's every slight tremble and unconscious gasp was sweeter than any candy in the world, making her unable to resist wanting more.
Unfortunately, the good moment didn't last. Just as Zhuang Chi was lost in passion, her eager tongue was suddenly bitten lightly by Gu Ximian. It didn't hurt, but it seemed to carry a strong warning. Zhuang Chi sobered up a little and pulled back slightly. She saw Gu Ximian's still somewhat hazy eyes glaring at her in annoyance. Zhuang Chi used her slightly muddled brain to think for a few seconds and concluded that Gu Ximian meant she wasn't allowed to kiss too deeply. She was very obedient. This time, when she leaned in, she simply pressed her lips against Gu Ximian's, gently and slowly nuzzling from the corner of her mouth, treating her with a tantalizing caution as if she were a precious, fragile object. Her hands restrainedly tightened their grip on Gu Ximian's waist.
In the end, she was pushed away by Gu Ximian. The face of the person before her was completely flushed, whether from shyness or anger, she couldn't tell. It was probably both, because when Gu Ximian spoke, her voice was still soft, but her words were an accusation: “...I already bit you, why did you still press closer!”
Oh, so being bitten meant she wasn't allowed to kiss anymore. Zhuang Chi understood now. She retreated a little, embarrassed, and apologized softly while vaguely thinking that it seemed like Gu Ximian had been the one to kiss her first. But Gu Ximian had clearly forgotten that now. She turned her head away, refusing to look at her, her emotions unreadable and her tone stiff. “...I still haven't figured out how to interact with you. I also need time to process the fact that you and Z are the same person. And... even if you had your reasons for hiding things from me, I'm still angry.”
That sounded terrible; nothing had been resolved. Zhuang Chi felt a bit dejected, but she quickly rallied, proactively trying to solve the problem. “Then... what should I do? What will it take for you to forgive me?”
Gu Ximian touched her own burning face, now regretting a little if she had spoken too harshly just now. But words spoken are like water spilled. Her mind was already in chaos, and getting her to take back her words was harder than climbing to the heavens. In the end, she had said those things partly because her mind was truly a mess, and partly because she felt...
She couldn't be so spineless, Gu Ximian thought. She had gone to so much trouble before, ordering a crown and arranging for mistletoe, only for Zhuang Chi to now... to just—with a single light sentence...
It was too complicated. Gu Ximian had never experienced such feelings in her entire life, and the instigator was still waiting beside her for an answer, completely oblivious, staring at her with those infuriating eyes. In the end, it made Gu Ximian hastily blurt out.
“...We'll see how you behave from now on.”
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