Chapter 99
In a daze, she arrived at Gu Ximian's home, ready for the second treatment session.
To be honest, she had completely forgotten about this matter. Her gland had been quite docile these past few days, and if it weren't for Gu Ximian's good memory, she probably would have missed the treatment altogether. But thinking about it, it seemed like her addiction wouldn't be a big deal even if it went untreated now. After all, the problem of inhibitors being ineffective during her susceptible period was something she had inherited from Gu Ximian three years ago. Even if the addiction was cured, it would be useless, right?
Zhuang Chi sat down on the living room sofa, lost in thought. Gu Ximian sat beside her. Perhaps because her mood hadn't yet recovered, her tone was still faint when she spoke, "Do you want some water?"
"...No, thank you," Zhuang Chi shook her head, deciding it was best not to mention the thoughts she just had. She turned to look at Gu Ximian and asked cautiously, "Are you still upset? Because of what happened before class?"
Gu Ximian's fingers quietly curled into her palm. Without looking at Zhuang Chi, she replied impassively, "Do you think so?"
...Regardless of what Zhuang Chi thought, it was now a confirmed fact that Gu Ximian was upset. Faced with Gu Ximian once again answering a question with a question, Zhuang Chi thought very hard and offered an exceptionally sincere apology. "I'm sorry. Lu Man actually reminded me that this kind of situation might happen, but I didn't take it to heart at the time... I'll know how to handle it in the future. Next time, I'll definitely come up and make things clear right away."
She felt she had spoken with great sincerity, but Gu Ximian was silent for a long moment before replying, "Next time?"
The final syllable floated upwards, startling Zhuang Chi into hastily correcting herself. "If, I mean, if there is one. There might not be a next time. After all, this kind of thing... should be quite rare, right..."
Such a naive Alpha. Hearing this, Gu Ximian felt a tightness in her chest. Logically, she knew this wasn't Zhuang Chi's fault. For a moment, she was vexed and didn't want to dwell on the matter any longer, so she abruptly changed the subject. "...It's time to start the treatment."
Zhuang Chi's heart leaped into her throat. She sat up perfectly straight and nodded in agreement, but after a long while, the person beside her still hadn't moved. Growing a little impatient, she turned to look, only to meet Gu Ximian's equally puzzled gaze. "Why aren't you taking off the bandage? Do you need me to help you?"
She stammered that it was fine and she could do it herself. As she raised her hand to the bandage on her neck, she couldn't help but steal a glance at Gu Ximian, only to be caught in the act. This person clearly looked like she had something to say. Gu Ximian frowned slightly, silently reflecting on whether her own cold expression had scared Zhuang Chi into silence. She softened her voice. "What is it, really?"
"..." Zhuang Chi blinked, a little flustered, and the motion of undoing her bandage slowed. Gu Ximian watched as her face gradually turned red, and then she heard her ask in a tiny voice, "For the second treatment... is physical contact no longer necessary?"
The moment she said it, she felt like a hooligan.
It sounded like she had ulterior motives, Zhuang Chi thought. The worst part was, it seemed to be true. If Gu Ximian were to say so, she would have no room to argue.
But Gu Ximian remained silent. With every quiet second that passed, Zhuang Chi's regret grew. She was already mentally drafting a way to pass it off as a joke when Gu Ximian, halfway through her mental script, suddenly stood up and came to stand before her.
"...Your hands," Gu Ximian said softly. "Put them down first, they're in the way of me sitting."
Zhuang Chi's mind was spinning. She obediently lowered the hands that had been pretending to undo the still-fastened bandage for ages and watched as Gu Ximian sat sideways in her lap and unfastened her pheromone blocking collar. The proximity of her scent and warmth startled Zhuang Chi back to her senses. She blinked in a daze and looked at Gu Ximian.
"What are you doing? Isn't this what you wanted?" At her subconscious glance, Gu Ximian reacted strongly, turning her head away. "...The second treatment didn't specify whether physical contact was needed or not. I suppose if we do it this way, you'll just have to take a few fewer whiffs of pheromones... Of course, if you say you don't want it this way now, I'll get up."
She made a move to stand, but an arm suddenly tightened around her waist, pulling her whole body into Zhuang Chi's embrace.
"...I'll control myself and smell less," Zhuang Chi said. Only after instinctively hugging the person tight did she belatedly feel shy, but she was reluctant to let go. She just loosened her grip slightly and said in a small voice, "Just help me with the treatment like this, okay?"
Gu Ximian kept her eyes downcast and didn't speak. After a long moment, she turned her head and silently raised a hand to the side of Zhuang Chi's neck. Zhuang Chi stiffened reflexively and received a small glare. Gu Ximian's voice was soft. "Lift your head, or it'll be hard to undo the bandage."
Realizing Gu Ximian was going to help her, Zhuang Chi obediently tilted her head up, but her eyes unconsciously remained fixed on Gu Ximian. At first, Gu Ximian seemed not to notice, trying to concentrate on undoing the bandage. Halfway through, she suddenly looked over, saying with a hint of flustered anger, "Stop staring at me."
Gu Ximian's mood was truly hard to guess today. Adhering to the principle of wanting to be on her best behavior, Zhuang Chi had no choice but to lower her head with some regret. Only after the bandage on her neck was completely removed did she cautiously raise her eyes again. "How about now? Can I look at you?"
Sometimes, it was really hard to tell if Zhuang Chi was obedient or not. On one hand, she had looked away for less than two minutes in total. On the other, she knew to ask for Gu Ximian's opinion first. Gu Ximian pressed her lips together slightly, her expression tense as she looked at her. In the end, she was still unnerved by that pair of bright, unveiled eyes. Biting her lip, she raised a hand to cover them. Shielding Zhuang Chi's eyes, she felt she had regained some composure and hummed softly, "It's not like you haven't seen me before. Why do you need to look so closely?"
The person whose eyes were covered didn't try to dodge. Instead, she paused thoughtfully, pondering for a long moment.
"I wasn't thinking that much at first," Zhuang Chi said slowly. Gu Ximian felt Zhuang Chi's long eyelashes brush against her palm with each slow blink, creating an unbearable tickle. "Thinking about it carefully, it's probably because I haven't had any time alone with you like this these past few days. I missed you a little."
Gu Ximian's hand trembled, and she snatched it back as if burned. She immediately regretted the action, because now Zhuang Chi would see her face slowly turning red.
Utterly at a loss for how to react, Gu Ximian's face burned. Eager to regain control of the conversation, she stiffly changed the subject again, her gaze first falling on Zhuang Chi's neck. "You... your gland looks much better. We should find time to go to the hospital later. Maybe you won't need to wear the bandage anymore."
"Mm," Zhuang Chi nodded and smiled. "I'd almost forgotten about all that."
Realizing it was because she had spent a month three years in the past, the sense of relief from successfully changing the subject was suppressed before it could even surface. Gu Ximian recalled that chaotic susceptible period and asked softly, "Back then... could you feel your gland?"
"No. I could only smell your scent. There were no other effects," Zhuang Chi said, then remembered something she hadn't confirmed. "...Speaking of which, how have your susceptible periods been since then? Are they still that painful?"
The fact that they were both worried about each other made Gu Ximian want to smile. She barely managed to keep her lips from curving. She had originally intended to tease Zhuang Chi, but seeing her genuinely worried expression, she couldn't bring herself to say it. She sighed lightly. "In the months since we came to St. Blaisedon, have you seen me take several days off in a row for any month?"
Zhuang Chi was taken aback for a moment, then her gaze gradually softened. Gu Ximian continued, "It's been much better since then. Inhibitors work now, it's not like before... I have you to thank for that, don't I?"
In a previous conversation, Zhuang Chi had vaguely mentioned that she had some power back then and had used that power to try and do some things. At that time, Gu Ximian's heart was filled with regret for her own thoughtless words, so she hadn't delved deeper. Recalling it now, she understood that it must have been related to her susceptible period. And as expected, Zhuang Chi didn't show any confusion, only shaking her head silently, her voice a little low. "...I should be the one apologizing first."
She had clearly apologized three years ago, but Zhuang Chi obviously still felt it wasn't enough. Gu Ximian knew this was just Zhuang Chi's nature, but she still couldn't bear to see her continue to feel so guilty. She couldn't help but raise a hand to stroke Zhuang Chi's face. Intending to make Zhuang Chi stop dwelling on it, she deliberately said as Zhuang Chi looked at her, "In that case, why don't you answer a question for me? Once you answer, we'll consider this matter over. No one will hold it against the other, okay?"
Her initial intention in saying this was to free Zhuang Chi from her guilt, but as the words left her mouth, she suddenly froze, abruptly realizing that this seemed like a perfect opportunity—an opportunity to end her own difficult past few days. Gu Ximian looked at Zhuang Chi. Her gentle-natured lover still hadn't noticed the reason for her fluctuating moods these past few days. Her cheek was smooth and soft, resting docilely in her palm, her upward gaze obedient as she quietly waited for her to ask her question.
So what should she ask? Gu Ximian wondered. What could she ask that would...
She was harboring ill intentions. Seeing Zhuang Chi like this, she felt indignant, as if she had constantly been on the losing end recently, and she couldn't resist the urge to bully her a little. Thus, after some thought, she deliberately picked a tricky question. "...In your novel, who is my official match?"
Gu Ximian, of course, knew now that this person wasn't Zhuang Chi. To be honest, that meant she had no interest in who it was. Insisting on asking now was merely to see a flicker of the same unease she felt appear on Zhuang Chi's face. But to her surprise, after hearing the question, Zhuang Chi was only stunned. She didn't show the expression Gu Ximian had hoped for. Instead, she looked as if she didn't know how to answer, lowering her eyes in distress.
At this, she sensed something was off. She frowned and said, "What's wrong? Is it that the novel isn't actually finished? Or are there plot details you can't tell me? Will it cause some kind of problem?"
Zhuang Chi shook her head but still hesitated, as if wanting to speak but holding back. Gu Ximian thought it over carefully for a moment, and after ruling out those possibilities, she quickly deduced another possibility that would make Zhuang Chi act this way. "...Or is it that I don't have an official match?"
It was hard to describe her mood at that moment. Gu Ximian pinched Zhuang Chi's cheek, amused. "Alright, so you had me live my whole life alone in the novel, is that it?"
She spoke as if she were about to launch an interrogation, but she wasn't actually angry. In fact, it felt reasonable. If Zhuang Chi hadn't appeared before her, that was what she had planned for herself anyway. But Zhuang Chi was fooled, truly believing Gu Ximian was upset. She shook her head, at a loss. "Not exactly... I... I think I wrote an open ending in the end."
"I originally didn't write an official match for you in the story, but when I got to the end..." Zhuang Chi hesitated for a long moment, then said from memory, "I think I wrote a sentence—'After achieving great success, she met a perfect person. They loved each other and spent a blissful life together.'"
Zhuang Chi had a rather deep impression of this ending, because at the time, she hadn't originally planned to add that line. It was just that when she reached the end, she couldn't help but hesitate. She felt her female protagonist was a person strong enough that she didn't need romance to still be the most brilliant person in the world. Zhuang Chi believed this with all her heart.
But in the end, she wrote it down. It wasn't for reasons like feeling it would be incomplete otherwise. It was just that even if she couldn't write a character in the main text who was a match for Gu Ximian, Zhuang Chi felt it wouldn't be a bad thing if there was someone different from all the other Alphas who could understand and stay by Gu Ximian's side. And she wanted to give Gu Ximian the best ending her pen could offer.
It was hard to say if it should be considered a blessing or a patch-up. When she wrote it, she never anticipated that she would one day have to explain it to Gu Ximian in person. Zhuang Chi sighed silently, not knowing if this answer would pass. Gu Ximian was silent for a long time after hearing it. When she spoke again, her tone was thoughtful. "'After achieving great success?'—That means this person hasn't appeared yet, right?"
Zhuang Chi looked over and saw a probing look in those beautiful eyes. Gu Ximian seemed to casually raise a hand to her shoulder, speaking in this intimate posture with probing words. "...Then what if a 'perfect person' really does appear in the future... what then?"
Asking this was actually a bit too malicious, Gu Ximian thought. She really hadn't expected the novel to have such a development, and she was unwilling to waste her one question, so she pressed on after all. But Zhuang Chi was slow to respond after hearing the question, which made Gu Ximian a little anxious, worried that her words had upset Zhuang Chi. Just as this worry was about to reach its peak, she finally heard Zhuang Chi's voice.
"...Gu Ximian, in my original world, there were no genders like Alpha, Beta, or Omega."
The words she opened with seemed to have little to do with her question. Gu Ximian was slightly confused, but Zhuang Chi's voice was very serious as she slowly said, "Everyone there was just divided into male and female. There were no pheromones, a bit like Betas here. That's why I always wanted to differentiate as a Beta. After I differentiated as an Alpha, I really didn't think it was anything special. It was only when I gradually realized that Alphas and Omegas are the most logical pairing in this world that I thought it was not bad."
"For me, the only good thing about differentiating as an Alpha is probably that when I stand next to you, I seem like a better match for you."
Zhuang Chi could always say things so casually that left Gu Ximian at a loss. Helplessly, she tightened her hand on the back of Zhuang Chi's neck, a warmth quietly spreading in her chest. It took great effort to suppress the gradually swelling emotions. Zhuang Chi looked at her, smiled gently, and at this moment, finally got to the point. "And, if we go by the rules of this world, then this 'perfect person' I wrote about would definitely be an Alpha when he appears. He'd most likely be better looking than me, taller, stronger, and from a more prominent family. There would certainly be nothing about my current self that could compare."
She said it calmly, but hearing it, Gu Ximian felt a little unwilling and could barely stop herself from speaking up in Zhuang Chi's defense. At that moment, Zhuang Chi pulled her in tighter, her eyes bright and gentle, like stars that belonged to her.
"But none of that matters, Gu Ximian," Zhuang Chi said softly. "It doesn't matter how many times better than me that person is in those aspects."
"As long as you love me."
Zhuang Chi murmured, moving a little closer to Gu Ximian. Gu Ximian's scent was very reassuring, and her body heat was just right. She stared into Gu Ximian's eyes without blinking and said earnestly, "Then for me, there is nothing else that needs to be cared about."
She felt like she had rambled on and on, and the person in her arms seemed a bit stunned. Zhuang Chi sensed Gu Ximian's shock; her gaze trembled as if at a loss. She had intended to wait patiently for Gu Ximian to come back to her senses, but at such a close distance, the longer she looked, the more her thoughts became difficult to control.
Her self-control was really getting worse and worse, Zhuang Chi thought vaguely. She didn't know if it was because she had smelled Gu Ximian's pheromones or something else. Perhaps it was because she was, after all, just an eighteen-year-old university student, in love for the first time, who had just confessed her feelings only to be put on probation... Of course she would feel flustered. In contrast, now that she had been granted a pardon to get a little closer, it felt especially unbearable.
By the time she realized it, Zhuang Chi was already very close to Gu Ximian, so close their breaths were about to mingle. Gu Ximian didn't seem to have come back to her senses yet, still looking at Zhuang Chi quietly as before—if not for the rapid, flustered blinking of her eyes, Zhuang Chi might have actually been fooled. Zhuang Chi wanted to laugh, but Gu Ximian was too easily embarrassed. Worried about scaring her off, she held it back.
I have to behave better, Zhuang Chi thought. She leaned in gently and touched the tip of Gu Ximian's nose.
"Can I kiss you?"
She asked in a small voice, filled with apprehensive transgression and devout love, making the words sound like "Can I love you?" Zhuang Chi thought that she really had nothing left to give Gu Ximian now, nothing more than the rest of her life, her entire focus, and the loyalty of someone who had never had faith.
She exchanged all of this for a kiss.
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