Chapter 24: Guanyi
Zhuo Guanyi's mother, Zhuo Lan, was a Prefectural Graduate in her lifetime. Her family was comfortably well-off, with her parents running a bookstore. As she was their only daughter, they took in a matrilocal husband for her when she came of age. The husband, Ye Ze, was the son of a farming family. His family was poor, but he had studied for a few years and was of decent character and appearance. After the two families discussed it, the pair were married. For Ye Ze, marrying into the Zhuo family was a step up. He entered the household alone, with nothing to his name, and even had his own impoverished family to support.
In the beginning, the two were quite in love and had two daughters, the elder of whom was Zhuo Guanyi. However, the good times did not last. When Zhuo Guanyi was ten, her mother fell ill and never recovered, passing away suddenly. Her father was heartbroken for a time, but how long could such sorrow last? Soon, he eagerly took a new wife and promptly had a son with her.
With her grandparents and mother all deceased, the family estate was taken over by Ye Ze. He claimed he would pass it on to Zhuo Guanyi when she grew up, but he kept her from all its affairs. By the time Zhuo Guanyi realized what was happening, everyone at the shop, from top to bottom, had been replaced. The business had, in all but name, become the property of the Ye family. That was one thing, but not long after, he began scheming to change his two daughters' surnames to Ye, claiming it was only natural for children to take their father's name. How could Zhuo Guanyi possibly agree to this? She was to carry on her mother's family line; what her father proposed was tantamount to cutting off her maternal lineage, no different from digging up one's ancestral graves. When she refused, her father used her disobedience as a pretext to mistreat her and her sister. The two of them lived a life worse than that of the gate-keeping page boy.
One night, unable to sleep, Zhuo Guanyi got up to walk around. Unexpectedly, she overheard her father and stepmother talking in the night. Her father said that sooner or later, he would hand over the family estate to the son he had with his new wife. Only then did Zhuo Guanyi have a shocking realization: her father was no longer their father. He now belonged to another family. But if that was the case, what right did he have to occupy the Zhuo family's property, and even seek to end the Zhuo family line?
She argued with her father again and again, and time after time, she was beaten until her skin split open. She ran from home to the county yamen to file a complaint, but the magistrate said a child does not sue their father and threw her out. When her father heard the news, he dragged her back and gave her another severe beating. She endured this misery for some time, secretly saving up money. When her father took his new wife and son on an outing, she took her sister's hand and fled the house, making her way toward the prefectural capital. Upon entering Qinzhou city, she again went to the government office to submit a petition. In her youth, she believed with all her heart that justice could be found in a courtroom, but in reality, she couldn't even get inside. The junior clerk who collected petitions listened to her plea and impatiently shooed her away, repeating the same old line about a child not suing their father. He added that the government did not meddle in the domestic affairs of a husband and wife. Zhuo Guanyi begged and pleaded, until the annoyed official had the bailiffs throw her out.
She walked through the bustling streets in utter misery. The noise and excitement had nothing to do with her. She wandered like a walking corpse until, in the distance, she saw several people who seemed to be looking for someone. One of them looked like an assistant who worked for her father. She panicked and turned to run, crashing into a noble lady in her haste. The noble lady kindly helped her, and after asking for the details of her situation, told her that there was a Petition Drum in the capital. As long as one could endure the punishment, one's plea could reach the Emperor directly. When they parted, the lady even gave her some silver, which was how she was able to bring her sister all the way to the capital.
When Zhuo Guanyi awoke, her ten-year-old sister, Zhuo Guanyou, was kneeling by the bed, watching over her anxiously with tears in her eyes.
"A'you…"
"A'jie, you're awake! Don't move!" Seeing her awake, Zhuo Guanyou was so happy she burst into tears.
"A'you… who brought me back?" As soon as she was fully conscious, a wave of pain washed over her, causing her immense suffering. But she couldn't let her sister know, so she could only grit her teeth and endure it, trying to distract herself by talking to her sister.
"It was a soldier. She called a doctor for you, and she's still waiting outside."
"Did A'you thank her properly?"
"Yes, A'you did."
Zhuo Guanyi reached out and stroked her well-behaved younger sister's cheek. The ten-year-old was so thin and small she looked more like she was eight or nine.
"A'jie…" A'you pressed her cheek into her sister's palm and asked timidly, "Why must we suffer so much to file this petition? Like Father said, when we're old enough, he'll find us husbands to marry. Couldn't we live a good life then?"
"Silly child…"
A'you had only been four or five when their mother passed away. She didn't remember much, had never attended school, and had rarely even left the house. But Zhuo Guanyi was different. Her mother had once held her in her lap, pointed to the words in a book, and told her that the name Guanyi came from the I Ching—"Yi, perseverance brings good fortune. Observe the jaws, and seek one's own sustenance."1
"'To seek one's own sustenance' means to provide for yourself. In this world, you must rely on yourself for everything. Parents, partners, children—none of them are completely dependable. Only when you can stand on your own two feet can you live a life of dignity."
"Are Mother and Father not dependable either?" Zhuo Guanyi was very young then. Hearing this, she looked up and could only see her mother's chin.
"Of course. Mother and Father have their own things to do; we can't always be hovering around A'yi. Besides, Mother and Father will always pass on before you do." Her mother's laughter was filled with infinite tenderness.
For many years after her mother's death, Zhuo Guanyi would often dream of this scene. Even as her mother's face slowly blurred in her memory, her words, her warmth, and her hopes remained deeply etched into Zhuo Guanyi's very bones, never to be forgotten for a single moment.
Her father forbade them from continuing their studies, restraining them with words about how girls should learn more housework and needlework to marry into a good family someday. He tried to wear down their spirits bit by bit, to teach them obedience. Guanyou didn't understand and was somewhat bewildered, but Zhuo Guanyi could not learn to bow down. The hardships and punishments only served to sharpen her edge. She hid that sharp blade in her heart, honing it day by day, waiting for the day she could finally reveal it.
"Silly child…" She turned her head to look at her young sister. "Don't believe what Father says. A person must have a backbone to live. You have to stand tall and proud on your own two feet. Hope that a husband will treat you well? Heh. The moment your husband falls, or no longer wants you, you won't be able to take a single step. You'll have trapped yourself. Besides, what kind of family do you think Father would find for you and me?"
"I… I don't know…" A'you's face was filled with confusion.
"Let me tell you. As long as our surname is Zhuo, it reminds him that he once had nothing and lived by depending on his wife. Now that he has used Mother's estate to become the head of the household, he naturally wants to prove to others that he is a capable master, not an incompetent matrilocal husband. He wishes he could marry us off as far away as possible, preferably in exchange for a handsome betrothal gift." Zhuo Guanyi gritted her teeth. "But where did his capability come from? It came from trampling on the bones of our mother and grandparents!"
A'you gently rubbed her cheek against her sister's palm, silently comforting her. She couldn't fully understand what her sister was saying yet, but she knew that it was her sister who had held her through countless unbearable, cold nights. It was her sister who had protected her, taking on the hard labor, the scoldings, and the beatings in her stead. Her father never cared if she lived or died. Only her sister worried for her, fretted over her, and held her hand to teach her how to write. She only had her sister, and her sister only had her. Things she didn't understand, she didn't have to understand for now. Right now, she only needed to remember one thing: to stick close to her sister. Even if it meant death, she would die together with her sister.
Author's Notes
1This is from the Yi hexagram of the I Ching. When I was naming Zhuo Guanyi, I used three coins to roll a hexagram, and it happened to be the Yi hexagram. The meaning of nourishing oneself, upholding what is right, and being self-reliant was quite good, and the name sounded nice, so I used it. Writing this part, it felt so fitting. It must be fate.
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