Chapter 6: Unable to Let Go
Song Hemei was no stranger to the Shao residence. In her youth, when the Shao family held banquets, she had accompanied her mother several times.
As she grew older and became betrothed, a young lady had to maintain some reserve, so it was always Shao Wen'ang who found excuses to visit her at the Song residence.
She had once imagined that, when she finally married into the Shao family, she would gradually grow familiar with this unfamiliar back courtyard path, blending into it completely.
But now, she felt that every blade of grass and every tree in the Shao residence carried a filthy sharpness. Just walking through them was like being drenched in stinking sludge.
She walked in silence, and her mother gently squeezed her hand. "I know you're feeling uncomfortable. Once we go in, you don't need to speak. I'll handle it for you."
Song Hemei remained silent, even turning her head to the other side. She could still manage to sneer coldly at her elder brother, but seeing her usually cheerful mother looking so haggard after just one night, she truly didn't know how to respond.
In fact, she felt a bit afraid. She was afraid she would waver and soften under the repeated persuasions.
She once had an acquaintance named Fang Yiyun, also from a merchant family. Their fathers were mortal enemies in business, and they were too.
As young girls, they had competed over looks, jewelry, silk brocade, and even husbands and in-laws.
Later, Song Hemei got engaged to the Shao family first, and Fang Yiyun, unwilling to fall behind, betrothed herself to the youngest son of the prefect of Linzhou. Song Hemei's marriage was delayed due to mourning in the Shao family, but Fang Yiyun had already married and borne a son.
Two years ago, at the child's full-moon banquet, Song Hemei had gone with her mother to attend the feast. She reluctantly met Fang Yiyun but found that in just one year, Fang Yiyun had lost all her former tender radiance.
Her eyes were hollow, her once-plump cheeks sunken, as if a demon had sucked away her vitality, or as if she had been bedridden for a long time. Yet, despite this, she still had to host the guests.
Song Hemei grew suspicious. Finding a quiet moment, she met with Fang Yiyun privately, only to witness her husband, without any regard for her dignity, slap her hard across the face in front of the servants.
She was terrified at the time. The petty grievances from their boudoir days were instantly forgotten.
She immediately intervened and stopped his hand, which was raised for another blow. He probably still had some face left.
With a stiff expression, he exchanged a few awkward pleasantries with her and left quickly. Fang Yiyun's eyes were wet, her cheek swollen and red, the handprint still visible.
Back then, Song Hemei only felt pity and a pang of sorrow. And Fang Yiyun, as if she had been suppressing her emotions for too long, shed two lines of clear tears when their eyes met.
"In the end, I lost to you. You don't know how much I envy you, being able to secure such a good marriage with the Shao family."
She said that the first month after marrying into her husband's family was sweet as honey, but later, when her husband was drunk, his true nature emerged, and he struck her with his fists. Afterwards, she cried and ran back to her maiden home, wanting an amicable divorce, but everyone urged her to endure.
Fang Yiyun's eyes were full of bitterness and numbness. "I'm not like you. I still have a younger sister. If word gets out that the Fang family has a daughter who went through an amicable divorce, what will become of my sister's marriage prospects? Father fears shame; Mother dreads gossip. They said all kinds of good and bad things, playing both the stern and the gentle roles, all to make me go back."
"Later, my husband came to our doorstep, knelt and begged for my forgiveness. Mother said that once I had a child, he would never hit me again. I believed her."
Fang Yiyun grabbed her hand—an intimacy that had never existed between them in all the years they'd known each other. Her eyes held a desperate, almost manic regret.
"A leopard never changes its spots. Those gentlemen are all the same. I shouldn't have believed him, shouldn't have endured. If I had known this would happen, I would rather have smashed my head against a wall or jumped into a river than return to that den of tigers and wolves! If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, never look back! But I can't anymore—I have my son now..."
What had she thought upon hearing those words back then? Two years had passed, and Song Hemei couldn't recall clearly.
Perhaps it was pity. Even for someone she disliked, seeing them fall into such a state inevitably stirred a sense of sorrow for a fellow woman.
Or perhaps it was relief. The gentleman she had chosen was a refined man, not capable of such things.
But she remembered that when she later brought up the matter with her mother, Mother acted as if she had been contaminated by bad luck, spitting several times, saying that Fang Yiyun was cursing her.
Now, she realized that her situation had always been the same as Fang Yiyun's. There was never any such thing as good fortune.
Upon entering the main courtyard of the Shao family matriarch, Madam Zhang, a maidservant ushered them inside. The first thing they saw was Madam Zhang wearing a headband, looking haggard and ill.
Before they had even stepped into the room, she let out several sighs in succession.
Song Hemei's mother immediately put on a worried expression, walking straight up to her. "Good sister, how did you fall ill?"
Even in her old age, Madam Zhang retained a gentle and serene demeanor. Now, she forced a bitter smile and sighed twice.
"I truly have no face to see you now. That boy's foolish actions make me burn with shame. I've wronged you and Hemei."
Song Hemei's mother said nothing, only sighing twice in return, and followed Madam Zhang's lead to sit down with Song Hemei. "Actually, my Hemei also did something wrong. But she's still young, and she was utterly terrified by that concubine. I saw it when I came—that belly is huge. Oh my, it must be five or six months by now, right?"
As serious as it was for a new bride to run away on her wedding night, could it compare to engaging in intimacy during the mourning period? Especially for an official family. If word got out, not only would Senior Lord Shao be criticized, but Shao Wen'ang's official career would also be destroyed. In the end, the Shao family was more in the wrong.
Madam Zhang waved her hand to dismiss the servants, looking extremely troubled.
"We're all one family, so I won't hide anything from you. That girl was assigned by me to wait on Wen'ang. She was always honest and well-behaved. When we first discovered her pregnancy, we immediately had the medicine to abort it, but three doses had no effect. Even though they were reckless in the private chambers, the root wasn't damaged. By the time we noticed again, her belly was already big."
Upon hearing this, Song Hemei's mother put on an expression of shared worry, while Song Hemei's brow furrowed involuntarily. Reckless in the private chambers—who was being reckless?
That nauseating feeling rose again, especially since she had now tasted it herself.
Madam Zhang covered her mouth with her handkerchief and gave a couple of weak coughs. "The fetus is stable. I only have Wen'ang as my sole heir. The child in Lingchun's belly is also my first grandchild. I kept thinking, perhaps the late master was protecting it from beyond? He knew he left in a hurry, delaying Wen'ang's marriage. He was afraid the Shao family would have no one to carry on the line."
Upon hearing this, even Song Hemei's mother, who was usually adept at social niceties, nearly failed to keep the expression on her face. All this talk, and in the end, she still couldn't bear to part with the child in that maidservant's belly. Worried about the Shao family's lineage—was her Hemei incapable of bearing children? However, Madam Zhang seemed to have already prepared a response.
After a brief pause, she continued, "I'm just a muddle-headed old fool for handling this mess so badly. Fortunately, Hemei is a good child—gentle in nature and kind-hearted. Lingchun's mistake cannot be tolerated. I will send her far, far away. This time, once Hemei enters our door, the prosperity and descendants of the Shao family will all be entrusted to her. I'm old now. I'll just honestly eat vegetarian and chant Buddha's name to accumulate blessings for Hemei and Wen'ang."
Song Hemei understood. She intended to keep the child and discard the mother, raising Cao Lingchun's child under her own supervision. As for the authority over the household, it would also be handed over to her early. For a new bride, this was indeed an excellent deal.
She had leverage over her husband's family's mistakes, so she needn't fear being mistreated or ground down by them. Madam Zhang's sincerity was substantial. Song Hemei's mother was clearly very satisfied, and her smile became a few degrees more genuine. But she didn't commit directly, leaving an opening.
"Good sister, what are you saying? Once Hemei steps into the Shao residence, she'll still have to rely on your protection. I'm just a woman; I can't decide this. We'll have to wait for my husband to have his say."
She'd secured the benefits of the inner quarters—what about the menfolk's benefits? Madam Zhang understood the hint.
She called the maidservants and matrons back in, served new tea and snacks, and turned the conversation to other trivial matters.
Song Hemei stared absentmindedly at the pastries in front of her. These were her favorites.
Madam Shao had always been very kind to her. In fact, it was Madam Shao who had first taken a liking to her as a daughter-in-law, even before Shao Wen'ang. Perhaps the Shao family also wanted to build ties with the Song family, or maybe Madam Shao truly got along with her.
Over the years, she had treated her like her own daughter. But even so, it didn't stop her from sending a maidservant into her son's chambers five years ago.
The sweet osmanthus fragrance of the pastries touched her lips and teeth, but Song Hemei only tasted bitterness. She hadn't been sitting long before a maidservant announced that her elder brother and Shao Wen'ang had arrived.
As soon as her brother entered, he gave them a meaningful look, indicating that the discussion between Father and Lord Shao had not gone well. Shao Wen'ang's eyes were fixed on her the moment he came in, and he called out to her in that sticky-sweet voice, "Mei'er."
Song Hemei's mother, in front of Madam Zhang, put on a full display of concern. "Hemei is too reckless. Look at the wound on Wen'ang's head. You may not care, but I, as your mother-in-law, am truly pained."
Shao Wen'ang raised his hand to touch the swollen bruise on his brow—the one Song Hemei had given him before leaving on their wedding night. In truth, everyone was putting on a show of goodwill. They had been talking for so long outside, but such words of concern had to be spoken in front of the mother for them to be effective.
And Shao Wen'ang, having grown up protecting Song Hemei, immediately said, "It's nothing, Mother-in-law. I... I accidentally bumped it myself. It has nothing to do with Mei'er."
He turned to her and stepped forward to take her hand. "Mei'er, since you're back, stay. Don't leave again. I've been so worried about you."
Song Hemei stared at him, a glimmer flickering in her eyes, making her features even more radiant. Suddenly, she curled her lips into a smile.
"Alright. Abort the child in Cao Lingchun's belly, and I'll stay."
Shao Wen'ang's expression changed drastically. He instinctively glanced at his mother.
"This..."
Madam Zhang also clenched the handkerchief in her hand, leaning forward.
Song Hemei's face turned cold. Her usually inviting features now resembled deep, frozen ice.
"Can't bear to part with them? Then forget it."
Without waiting for a reaction from the people in front of her, she turned directly to her mother and said, "Mother, I'm tired. I want to go home and rest properly." She bowed slightly to Madam Zhang, who was seated at the head, and made to leave.
Song Hemei's mother scolded her a bit, but it was Madam Zhang who spoke up. "Don't blame her, in-law. In the end, it was Wen'ang who broke her heart. Let's continue our tea."
Ignoring Shao Wen'ang's hesitant attempts to stop her, Song Hemei turned and walked away. She went straight out of the main courtyard, refusing to let the Shao family maids escort her.
Her steps were hurried. Just as she crossed the moon gate, she suddenly heard a familiar whisper behind her. "Second Sister!"
Song Hemei stopped in her tracks and looked to the side. She saw her younger brother hiding sneakily behind a tree, as if wary of being discovered.
But beside him, Yu Yeqing stood openly with his hands clasped behind his back by the gravel path, his indifferent gaze fixed on her, as if everything had nothing to do with him. Song Hemei felt a vein throb in her forehead.
Who exactly were they trying to fool by covering their ears while stealing a bell?
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