Chapter 53: Yunqu
Before the age of ten, Gao Yunqu was always by her grandfather's side. Her branch of the family had few descendants; her grandfather had only one child, her mother, who in turn did not have her until she was nearly thirty and cherished her like a precious treasure. Her grandfather had been an old associate of Emperor Yongchu from his time as a prince. He had risen rapidly through the ranks during the Yongchu and Yanxing reigns, eventually becoming Right Chancellor. However, not long after his appointment, a relapse of an old illness forced him into official retirement, and he took Gao Yunqu back to their ancestral home in Hezhou.
Her childhood in Hezhou was Gao Yunqu's most carefree time. Her grandfather doted on her, holding her on his lap to teach her to read. She was born with a sharp intellect and could recite anything after a single reading. For her, studying was no difficulty at all. So, her grandfather had people teach her martial arts, as well as the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting. Even so, she still had the leisure to tease cats and chase dogs, and to gallop her horse through the long streets. All the neighbors in Xilin County knew her, and they all liked her.
One day, she returned from riding outside the city, dismounting with a nimble flip at her front gate. The old steward came forward to greet her, taking her cloak and asking after her well-being. Gao Yunqu strode into the estate, asking, "Where's Grandfather?"
"His Lordship is resting in the courtyard. He told us not to disturb him."
"I'll go find him." The young girl rushed inside, full of excitement.
She was like a gust of wind, passing through halls and corridors and bursting into her grandfather's courtyard. At the turn of summer and autumn, the weather had not yet completely cooled, but the small courtyard already had a touch of desolation, silent and still. Then the young girl charged in, bringing laughter and vitality, shattering the profound quiet.
"Grandfather, Grandfather!"
The old man opened his eyes on the soft couch. "What did you do today?"
The young girl snuggled up beside him, chattering about what she had seen and heard that day. The old man listened quietly, his wrinkled, aged hand gently stroking her fine hair, his eyes filled with a smile.
"What are you doing, Grandfather?"
"Hmm… listening to the sound of autumn."
"What kind of sound is that?"
"Haha, it's a sound you can't hear yet." The old man laughed heartily. He patted the top of her head and sighed, "In the blink of an eye, you've grown so big. I've grown old. I'm afraid I won't get to see you come of age."
"Grandfather will surely live to be a hundred!" the girl said with a frown.
"Ha, old people all die eventually. Who lives to be a hundred?" the old man said kindly. "A'qu, you are too clever. I have taught you many things these past few years, but it seems there isn't a single one you're interested in, is there?"
"They are all very good, and I have been studying them seriously. What does it mean to be interested?" Gao Yunqu was a little lost. She learned everything quickly, but nothing ever touched her heart.
"Is there anything you are willing to devote your entire heart and soul to doing?"
Gao Yunqu thought for a long moment before saying, "…Not yet."
"Ha, I gave you the name Yunqu, hoping you would soar high into the clouds, but I never thought you wouldn't be able to find your own path."
"Grandfather? I…"
"It's alright. If you can't find it, we'll just look for it slowly. Keep moving forward, follow your heart, and the path will appear at your feet." The old man paused for a moment, then suddenly said, "Let me give you a courtesy name. It's a bit early, but I don't know if I'll be able to wait until that day."
"Grandfather! Don't say such inauspicious things," Gao Yunqu said anxiously.
The old man paid her no mind and continued, "Let's call you Lushuang. Walk slowly, keep walking, but remember to watch your step."
The next day, her grandfather passed away peacefully in his sleep.
Her mother, Gao Chen, rushed back from the capital for the funeral and mourning period. Gao Yunqu was despondent for a long time. Her mother held her and coaxed her, sleeping beside her at night. A year later, when the mourning period ended, she had become much more composed. Her mother took over her education and, delighted by her aptitude, added the study of the classics to her curriculum. At thirteen, Gao Chen's mourning period was over and she was reinstated. Before returning to the capital, she planned out Gao Yunqu's future. But to her surprise, Gao Yunqu refused.
"What did you say?"
"Mother, I don't want to be an official." Gao Yunqu's voice was clear and resounding.
"If you don't become an official, what will you do?"
"What's so bad about being a mad scholar? Why must I go against my own nature to engage in the hustle and bustle of worldly pursuits?"
"You… have you ever thought that the reason you can live this peaceful life of reading and painting is because your surname is Gao, because your grandfather was once the Right Chancellor, and because I am now a Senior Third Rank court official!"
"But what's the point of that? If I fight my way to the top with all my might, who will be left to enjoy all this?" Gao Yunqu didn't understand. Her grandfather had told her to act according to her heart. She found entering the secular world tedious and wished to transcend it to seek the profound.
Her mother's head ached with anger at her sophistry. She scolded her a few times, only to have her retort with eloquent arguments. In a fit of rage, her mother gave her a beating and punished her by making her kneel in the courtyard to reflect.
She knelt there stubbornly, thinking of her grandfather. Gaobu Yunqu meant to hold a high and prominent official position, but her grandfather had never told her she had to enter officialdom and climb the ranks. He taught her history, miscellaneous records, poetry, and songs—whatever came to mind. It was her mother, Gao Chen, who was single-mindedly focused on bringing glory to their ancestors and benefiting future generations. Gao Yunqu wondered, Three generations of chancellors in one family, a shining reputation, praise from outsiders—are these illusions worth dedicating my entire life to?
She knelt for a long time, so long that her mother relented. She followed her mother back to the Capital City, where she continued to read books and study the classics, but she refused to sit for the examinations. Her mother was reinstated as the Minister of Rites and was too busy to manage her. She got to know the children of the capital's prominent families and joined them in whipping her horse and playing at life, every bit the dissolute dandy raised in the capital.
The change came when she was fourteen, a year of the great examination, and her mother was appointed chief examiner for the Metropolitan Examination. Emperor Yanxing was not a monarch of great talent and bold vision; he continued the old practices of the Yongchu reign in all matters, carefully maintaining an era of peace and prosperity. But beneath the surface of recuperation, the conservative and reformist factions were fighting tooth and nail, their methods of forming cliques to attack outsiders growing more despicable by the day. At this juncture, the great talent selection of the ninth year of Yanxing became an arena for partisan struggle. The Gao family were loyal ministers without factional allegiance, impervious to persuasion from either side. It was also Emperor Yanxing's loose grip that had emboldened certain people, making them think they could meddle with the imperial examinations. First, they sought out Gao Chen and tried their utmost to win her over, hoping she would be lenient and allow a few more of their people to pass. Gao Chen sternly refused. Although she herself had entered service through hereditary privilege, she knew the importance of the examinations and dared not do such a thing.
Having been rebuffed by her, the conservative faction resorted to some dirty tricks. They contacted Gao Yunqu's father, Li Menglin.
Li Menglin was a matrilocal husband of the Gao family. His family background was ordinary, and he had no particular skills; only his handsome face had caught the eye of both Gao Chen and her father. A family like theirs did not expect a matrilocal husband to accomplish anything; being obedient and docile was enough. Gao Chen and Li Menglin treated each other with the respect of guests. Gao Chen's mind was entirely on court affairs, so she naturally paid no attention to what her young husband was thinking, and gradually, the couple grew estranged. Li Menglin had no great ability, yet he considered himself a man of unrecognized talent. The older he got, the more melancholic he became, feeling that he couldn't hold his head high in the Gao household, that even his young daughter looked down on him. He spent his days drinking outside. Gao Chen didn't mind, letting him do as he pleased as long as he didn't whore or gamble, and she provided him with ample money.
Gao Yunqu did not like her father. Having grown up with her grandfather and mother, she had little affection for her father to begin with. Furthermore, her father was a mediocre man who failed at everything he tried, and he was unwilling to set aside his fatherly airs to get close to her. A child's heart would naturally favor her mother.
One day, she saw her father emerge hurriedly from her mother's study, a strange expression on his face, and she blocked his path.
"Where have you come from, Father?" Gao Yunqu stood before him.
"Ah, it's A'qu." He was startled, but relaxed upon seeing it was his daughter.
"What's wrong, Father? I see you're covered in sweat. Are you feeling unwell?" Gao Yunqu narrowed her eyes, sensing something was amiss.
"It's nothing, I'm fine." Li Menglin was so anxious that sweat poured down his face like rain.
"Father, what are you holding in your arms?" Gao Yunqu stepped forward to look. Li Menglin hastily tried to hide it. In the struggle, his robe was torn, and books scattered across the floor.
Gao Yunqu looked closely and saw they were all classics for the imperial examinations. She picked one up and flipped through it casually; it was filled with her mother's annotations and marks. Li Menglin panicked and turned to run. Sensing something was wrong, Gao Yunqu caught up in a few strides and restrained him.
Li Menglin lacked the strength to even truss a chicken. Gao Yunqu easily twisted his arms behind his back and pinned him against the wall. Unable to break free, he said angrily, "Gao Yunqu! I am your father!"
"My apologies, Father. If I have guessed wrong, Qu will submit to any punishment you see fit." She leaned close to her father's ear. "I guess those books are what Mother is using to devise the examination questions, aren't they? Where were you planning to take them?"
Seeing he had been exposed, Li Menglin trembled like a sieve shaking chaff. He had only been enticed into a moment of impulse, never having considered what would happen if he were caught.
"It seems I guessed correctly." Annoyance flared in Gao Yunqu's heart, and she applied some force with her hands. "Do you know what will happen to our family if the examination questions are leaked? At best, our entire family will be exiled; at worst, three branches of our clan will be exterminated. Do you even have a brain?"
"I… I didn't know…" Li Menglin panicked. "They said it was just a small matter, that it wouldn't harm the Gao family's foundation."
"They?"
"Some people I drink with. They said there was a way to get rich and invited me to join…"
"Get rich? Is the Gao family's money not enough for you to squander?"
Her words made Li Menglin indignant. "That's the Gao family's money! Not my, Li Menglin's, money!"
Gao Yunqu was stunned. "Is Father not a member of the Gao family?"
"When have any of you ever treated me as family!" Li Menglin roared. "Your mother summons me and dismisses me at her whim, and you, you call me Father, but when have you ever truly treated me as your father?"
Gao Yunqu fell silent. She ordered the servants to lock Li Menglin in his room, then urgently summoned her mother home. Gao Chen interrogated Li Menglin personally. Gao Yunqu stood outside the door, hearing her father's miserable screams and angry curses.
A long time later, her mother came out, rubbing her hands. She glanced at Gao Yunqu and said wearily, "You see, what you think is a great ship is but a lone skiff in the vast ocean. It's bad enough with the strong winds and high waves outside, but there are even people inside who want to bore a hole in the hull."
That night, Gao Chen entered the palace to confess her crime. Her Majesty was furious. She had Gao Chen imprisoned and ordered the Three Judicial Agencies and the Imperial City Guard to jointly investigate the case. Her Majesty did not blame the Gao family, and when the Imperial City Guard came to take Li Menglin away, they did not cause much of a disturbance. But Gao Yunqu still felt a sense of dread.
Over a month later, her mother returned, safe and sound. Even Li Menglin was largely unharmed. Her Majesty had used the case to eliminate a group of officials she found disagreeable, and the Gao family was merely the raft. Once she was done using it, she put it back nicely and offered many reassurances. But the prison was bitterly cold. Her mother fell gravely ill upon her return. Gao Yunqu stopped going out and attended to her mother's needs every day.
Gao Chen was already forty-five, no longer a young age. This incident seemed to have drained her of her spirit and energy. She lay on the couch, looking very weak.
"A'qu…"
"I'm here, Mother."
"You see, if I am not here, who can protect you?" Gao Chen sighed.
"Don't say that, Mother. I can protect myself." Gao Yunqu disliked hearing such dispiriting words.
"If you are just a commoner, even your father can control you through the principle of filial piety. Could you tolerate that insult?" Gao Chen suddenly gripped Gao Yunqu's wrist with all her strength. "Freedom and indulgence have a prerequisite! Only when no one can touch you can you live with such willfulness and innocence! Don't be foolish! Without power, you will be eaten clean, with even your bones chewed to bits! Without me and your grandfather, you would be nothing but a helpless, drifting orphan!"
"I know, Mother, I know." Gao Yunqu knew what her mother was saying.
"So, A'qu, consider it a plea from your mother. Enter officialdom, please? I don't ask you to bring glory to our family, I only ask that you can stand in a high place and live well."
"Alright."
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