Chapter 55: What Virtue or Ability
"My lord." Gao Yuan walked into the study, hesitating to speak.
Gao Yunqu glanced up at her from the letter in her hand, then lowered her head to continue reading. "If you have something to say, say it."
"The young master is making a fuss, demanding to see you." Gao Yuan was referring to Gao Yunqu's father, Li Menglin. Ever since he had made that mistake all those years ago, Gao Chen had lost all patience with him and confined him to his courtyard. He was well-fed and provided for, but he was not allowed to leave, and trustworthy people were assigned to watch over him. After Gao Chen's death, Gao Yunqu's hatred for Li Menglin intensified. In her eyes, if it weren't for that incident, Gao Chen would not have passed away so early. She couldn't do anything to her own father, so she continued her mother's arrangements for him, treating him as if he didn't exist.
"What is it?"
"The young master won't say. He's just making a fuss, demanding to see you. He is your father, after all, and the servants can't keep him in check…" Gao Yuan said, steeling herself.
Gao Yunqu stopped writing upon hearing this. After a moment of contemplation, she stood up and walked outside. "Let's go."
Li Menglin lived in the part of the estate farthest from Gao Yunqu. She and Gao Yuan walked for quite some time before they arrived. Pushing the door open, she saw her father drinking wine, looking considerably plumper. Gao Yunqu was taken aback for a moment and turned to look at Gao Yuan. Gao Yuan explained in a low voice, "The young master can't leave, so he enjoys eating and drinking. The kitchen hasn't neglected him…"
Gao Yunqu didn't press the matter. She looked at Li Menglin and said, "What is it?"
Hearing her voice, Li Menglin jumped up and began to accuse her, "Gao Yunqu, do you even remember that I'm your father? Is this how you speak to your father?"
"If you have something to say, say it. I'm busy."
"You…" Li Menglin was furious, but he forced himself to calm down and spoke in a pleasant tone. "A'qu, though you may not respect me, your father, I cannot neglect you. I must help you with the important matter of your life."
Gao Yunqu frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"Aiya, look at you. You're already twenty-two. Is there any prospect of marriage? Your mother passed away early, so shouldn't I, your father, help you plan for it?" Li Menglin winked, making his point clear.
"Shut up. Do not mention my mother," Gao Yunqu snapped, then asked, puzzled, "When did I ever say I wanted to get married?"
"When a child grows up, they must marry and have children, right? You are the only heir to the Gao family. Don't you have to carry on the family line?"
Gao Yunqu laughed mockingly. "The continuation of my Gao family line has what to do with you, a Li?"
"You!" Li Menglin's face flushed with shame and anger. "Are you still holding a grudge over what I said back then? If you don't care about me, fine, but aren't you afraid that there will be no one to offer incense to your mother and grandfather?"
"Then let them come and tell me themselves!" Gao Yunqu laughed instead of getting angry. "If they don't appear in my dreams, then I'll assume they don't care."
"Gao Yunqu! You…"
Gao Yunqu strode out the door, leaving Li Menglin's curses behind her. On the way back, her face was grim and her pace was extremely fast. Gao Yuan had to jog to keep up. Only after Gao Yunqu had returned to her study and sat down did Gao Yuan tentatively ask, "My lord, you were just saying that in anger, weren't you?"
"I truly do not wish to marry," Gao Yunqu said faintly, as if she were talking about someone else.
Gao Yuan was somewhat alarmed, her voice trembling. "Do you not like young men? Then… young women?"
Gao Yunqu was surprised by her boldness. "You seem to know quite a lot. Do you like young women?"
"I do not! I'm already married!" Gao Yuan's face turned red. She was a bit older than Gao Yunqu and had welcomed a husband into her home a few years ago. They were quite affectionate.
For the first time that day, Gao Yunqu let out a hearty laugh. When she finished, she said, "I simply don't have anyone I fancy, and I don't want to force myself to face an unfamiliar man day in and day out just for the sake of an heir."
"But… if you have no heir, the old master will probably be angry enough to jump out of his grave."
"Heh, as I just said, if they're not willing, they can come and tell me themselves. They didn't consult me when they abandoned me. Why should I care about them?"
Gao Yuan was speechless for a moment. Gao Yunqu had cultivated her character over the years and become increasingly composed. She had almost forgotten that this was originally a spoiled and willful person who only cared about her own happiness.
"Then the incense for you and the old master…"
"It's not as if I'll truly be without an heir. When I'm older, I can just adopt one from a collateral branch of the clan."
Gao Yunqu genuinely felt that matters of love and affection were meaningless. Since childhood, she had stood out among her peers like a crane among chickens, always feeling that others were foolish. She could tolerate it if they were people she knew well, but for strangers, she wouldn't even spare them a glance. Naturally, she had no childhood sweetheart or deeply affectionate match. Having delayed until this age, her mind was filled with grand ambitions. When her spirits were high, she didn't give a thought to what would happen after her death. With no elders in the family, there was no one to restrain her, and she was happy to be free, completely unconcerned.
But the Gao Yunqu of this time could never have imagined that one day she would fall for Fang Jian.
Gao Yunqu thought for a long time about when she had started to fall for Fang Jian, but she couldn't pinpoint the moment. She had thought she was raising a little pet, an object, an appendage, and that discarding her should have been effortless. But in reality, as Fang Jian grew day by day, she hesitated.
When she first took an interest in Fang Jian, she had truly been infatuated, possessed by some devil. It was a whim, but she was not the type to use her power to bully the common folk. She didn't force people, so she promised Fang Jian a path to the highest echelons, letting Fang Jian willingly submit herself. She had looked at Fang Jian's schoolwork; the foundation was decent, but there were many things lacking for someone from a minor household. If she relied on her own hard study, she would probably reach the level of a Provincial Graduate at best. But with Gao Yunqu's background and knowledge, a casual pointer could elevate her to a new level. Even if she only became a Provincial Graduate, with the Gao family's connections, it would be easy to secure an official post for her. The prospects might be a bit worse, but she would be an official nonetheless. This deal was extremely favorable for Fang Jian and not much trouble for Gao Yunqu. As for that contract, Gao Yunqu had never taken it seriously from the beginning; it was just a game to tease Fang Jian. The twenty-seven-year-old Gao Yunqu, having been embroiled in the turbulent court for five or six years, calculated everything clearly and would not let herself be at a disadvantage.
She kept Fang Jian for two reasons: one was for release and stress relief, and the other was that she had become somewhat interested in seeing how far she could push Fang Jian. She had set a time limit for herself: when Fang Jian entered officialdom. She never expected that Fang Jian would go much further than she had imagined, from at most a Provincial Graduate to a Triple First in a mere five years. In those five years, she had taught Fang Jian so many things, so much that she herself didn't know whether she wanted to keep Fang Jian by her side or let her soar high.
According to her initial calculations, she would give Fang Jian a future, and Fang Jian would become her protégé, an excellent pawn to be placed in a suitable position. At that time, she thought she could really walk this path alone to the end, but the feeling of having someone by her side was different after all. She forbade Fang Jian from indulging, but unknowingly, she herself had become indulgent. Perhaps it was love born from long association, or perhaps she craved Fang Jian's warmth. Many times, she thought about just keeping Fang Jian in her grasp; after all, it wouldn't be difficult for her. But looking at Fang Jian's expression of complete trust and attachment, she felt she was being far too selfish. She was also a little afraid that a Fang Jian with broken wings would lose the fire in her eyes that she adored so much.
Fang Jian became better and better. Her knowledge, talent, character, and conduct all developed according to her expectations, yet far exceeded them. Day by day, she transformed, the radiance on her body almost impossible to conceal. And such a Fang Jian obediently placed herself under her palm, submissive and considerate. How could she not be moved? She began to waver again. Such an excellent Fang Jian deserved to soar high; what would it mean to be trapped in her inner chambers?
She hesitated and wavered until Fang Jian achieved the highest honors in the examinations. Watching from a tavern overlooking the street as Fang Jian wore the red robe of a Palace Graduate, her heart stirred, but she also knew it was time to make a decision. There are no secrets that can be kept forever, and she had too many enemies. If they continued this relationship, it might be exposed one day.
Her past with Fang Jian was merely a romantic affair for her, but for Fang Jian, it would be utter ruin—a sycophant had no place standing in the imperial court. The number of people who praised Fang Jian now would be the same number who would trample on her then. She absolutely could not let Fang Jian fall into such a situation. She made a clean break, but emotions are like trying to cut water with a knife; neither Fang Jian nor she could completely let go.
She watched coldly as Fang Jian suffered. What a foolish child. She had despicably played with her, yet she still insisted on clinging to her, unwilling to leave. What was the point of following her? Gao Yunqu's path in officialdom was the most difficult one. No matter which friend or which faction, they were all ultimately bound by interests, rising and falling in a cycle. What she wanted to do was to cage all the ever-expanding ambitions. Everyone has selfish desires. 1When laws are enforced, private ways are abolished.11 To promote such laws, she would have to stand against everyone. Right now, her goals aligned with Wei Qi's, so Wei Qi naturally protected her. If one day Wei Qi became suspicious, she would die without a burial place. But she didn't care. Her life was dull, and she wanted to throw it all in as firewood to fuel the cause she wanted to achieve. She was just that kind of obsessive, crazed person. What was the point of staying by her side? To watch her burn herself out, or to burn together with her?
Fang Jian had achieved fame at a young age and had a bright future. Her official career, just as Gao Yunqu had thought, was smooth sailing. Gao Yunqu watched her walk step by step, from a young beast under her wing to a proud and unyielding rising star in the official world. She had become a brilliant light, a mighty wind. How wonderful, this was so wonderful.
When Fang Jian used her parents' words to test her, Gao Yunqu actually felt it was to be expected. In fact, that Fang Jian had endured until now already made Gao Yunqu think more highly of her. But she still feigned ignorance and said those hurtful words, watching as Fang Jian fought back her pain and fled in disarray.
Would she cry?
Probably.
Fang Jian was a person who had grown up through setbacks. No storm, no matter how great, could make her bow her head, and she rarely shed tears of grievance. After the age of seventeen, almost all the tears she shed were for her, Gao Yunqu.
What virtue or ability did she possess to deserve this?
Author's Notes
1When laws are enforced, private ways are abolished: From Han Feizi, "Guilian."
The reason Li Menglin is urging Gao Yunqu to marry and have children is that after his death, he will receive offerings from the Gao family's descendants, not the Li family's. Only now does he remember he's part of the Gao family.
My lord would definitely love to play city-building and character-development games in a modern setting [x].
Counting the tears shed in bed as being on my lord's account is perfectly reasonable.
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