Chapter 26: True Feelings
Song Hemei was unsure. Some thoughts seemed shrouded in a thin layer of mist; not everyone had the skill to part the clouds and see the sun. Most stood outside the fog, afraid to step in. She pressed her hand to her chest, her restless heart pounding against her palm.
Chunhui and Suhui, who were keeping watch at the door, saw her in a daze and hurried over to ask what was wrong. Song Hemei could only suppress the thoughts in her heart, turn around, and return to her room to obediently serve her confinement.
She was not one to be easily bored, but even she could not stand being idle in her room all day. It seemed her sister-in-law had already smoothed things over on her behalf, for she had stayed obediently in her room for three days, and in those three days, her parents had not come to see her.
Of course, not only her parents; in these three days, she had also not heard that Yu Yeqing had come to inquire about her.
Had he truly listened to her sister-in-law and stopped worrying about her? Or had he finally managed to shake her off and wished for her to be confined for a few more days?
Song Hemei felt a strange taste in her heart. If it were the latter, she would surely be angry. She considered herself quite generous toward Yu Yeqing; why would he go so far as to wish her ill just to be rid of her? But if it were the former, she was relieved that her sister-in-law had passed on the message, yet she also felt that this man had too big a heart—if he said he wouldn't worry, then he really didn't?
However, what she hadn't expected was that her youngest brother would be the first to arrive.
When Song Jilang entered, his face was full of worry. He tugged at her sleeve and asked, "Second Sister must be bored out of her mind after these few days. I even thought about begging Father and Mother to let you out, but they wouldn't allow it."
Song Hemei smiled and comforted him a little. She thought to herself that he was still young, and her parents would certainly not tell him the whole story—besides, it wasn't something easy to speak of.
After the words of concern were mostly exchanged, Song Jilang let out a long sigh. "Second Sister, you've been confined and don't know—this time, the border is truly about to erupt into war. The capital sent a high-ranking official from the Ministry of Works to order the reinforcement of city defenses. They need both manpower and materials. The prefect has called Father and the uncles who are close with him several times. I've noticed Mother has been helping Father with the accounts these past few days—I'm afraid our family will have to bear the lion's share of the silver."
Whenever something happened, be it natural disaster or man-made calamity, the wealthy households always had to donate. The Song family was well-off and had donated the most every year, but... in previous years, there had never been a time when even Mother had to personally handle the accounts.
A vague unease stirred in Song Hemei's heart. "Is Father worried about this?"
Song Jilang nodded several times in a row. "I think so. Otherwise, when has Father ever lost his appetite? These past few days, he hasn't even touched his evening meal."
Song Hemei gazed at her younger brother, unable to keep herself from speculating.
Senior Lord Shao was the Prefect of Changzhou; naturally, he would be the one to order the organization of donations. He knew exactly how much each household should contribute. In the past, she would never have thought of him in connection with this, but now that their families' marriage had turned out like this—enmity instead of gratitude—who knew if he would deliberately make things difficult?
And what about Song Jilang?
Father wanted him to pursue the imperial examinations and never took the initiative to discuss business matters with him. So why this time?
She thought it was a reminder: if the Shao family really made trouble, the Song family would surely shed a layer of skin. This younger brother, still innocent and caring for her, had most of his road to the capital blocked.
The smile in Song Hemei's eyes slowly faded. A feeling of powerlessness crept up from the depths of her heart, as if all people and events were pushing her forward, leaving her no room to choose.
She raised her hand and gently stroked her younger brother's head. "Don't worry. It'll be all right."
"Jilang, help me pass a message to Father. I've come around."
Between the Song family and her own marriage, how could the events of her later life that hadn't even happened compare to the immediate difficulties before her?
That evening, the steward came to summon her to her father's study.
Just as Jilang had said, the worry was written plainly on Father Song's face. He paced while slapping his forehead. When he saw her arrive, he pointed to the armchair beside him. "Sit down, you little ancestor!"
Father Song truly found this matter thorny. "Hemei, you've been the most obedient child since you were young. Why are you so stubborn about this one thing? If you had just gotten along well with that Shao Wen'ang from the start, would there be all this turmoil today? Do you have any idea how much that old scoundrel is going to squeeze out of our family?"
At this point, he spat angrily. "Shameless! How can he be an official like this? He embezzles the silver allocated by the court, he takes from the merchants' assets—he really doesn't plan to stay in Changzhou much longer. He doesn't care at all about these old friendships!"
Song Hemei closed her eyes. Her expression did not change in the slightest at her father's words.
What else could she do? At this point, what path did she have left to choose?
Her parents had given her life and raised her. Her elder brother cherished her, her younger brother worried about her. If she didn't go to the Shao family and bow her head to mend the broken ties, what else was there?
Even if her heart was unwilling—if the family was in difficulty and only she could suffer to get through it—what did it matter? She was born a daughter, after all.
Her father was still cursing the Shao family's inhumanity. Song Hemei spoke softly, "Father, I understand. Tomorrow, I'll have Mother accompany me to the Shao residence."
She lifted her head, forcing a smile at her father, but it tasted bitter and astringent. "I'll beg Shao Wen'ang properly, ask him not to hold a grudge against me, and for the sake of past affections, to help persuade Senior Lord Shao to show mercy to the Song family. What do you think, Father?"
Her tone was calm, with no trace of anger. Father Song stopped mid-sentence, looked at his obedient daughter, and couldn't suppress a pang of heartache.
"Hemei, your father has no other choice. Don't blame me. I originally thought we could just call off this marriage and find another way to get into the capital later, but... but the matter right in front of us is too difficult."
Song Hemei stood up, let out a soft sigh, and pulled her father to sit down. "Daughter understands. I'll find a way to turn things around."
She comforted her father with a few words and did not linger long in the study.
Early the next morning, her confinement was quietly lifted. She dressed and tidied up, ate breakfast, and left the house with her mother.
Mother Song held her hand and instructed, "When you see their family later, don't speak too harshly or too aggressively. You've laid hands on Shao Wen'ang several times—whose child wouldn't their mother feel distressed? Madam Shao is surely dissatisfied with you. If she says something unpleasant, you must not talk back under any circumstances."
Song Hemei nodded and agreed to everything.
But when the carriage arrived at the gate of the Shao residence, only the gatekeeper blocked the way. "Please return, Madam Song and Miss Song. Our lady is feeling unwell today and is not fit to receive guests."
That single word "Miss" made the Shao family's intentions perfectly clear.
Mother Song's expression shifted slightly, but she quickly put on a proper smile. "Is my dear in-law suffering from a headache again? My daughter is quite skilled at massage. Perhaps she could go in and try it for my in-law? It would be fitting for her to show some filial piety as a daughter-in-law."
The gatekeeper sneered. "Madam Song speaks too seriously. Our lady cannot bear to be called your dear in-law. She said that Miss Song has an iron spine—how dare the Shao family ask Miss Song to lower herself? When our lady feels better another day, she will inventory the young lady's dowry and return it in full, not a single piece missing."
He made a bow and turned to go back inside.
Mother Song hurried forward, but Song Hemei held her back and said to the gatekeeper, "Young sir, please wait a moment."
She stepped forward, putting on a worried expression. "I am concerned about Brother Wen'ang. I wonder how he is faring? Is he still angry with me?"
She twisted her handkerchief, knowing that the gatekeeper had Madam Shao's orders and would not let her and her mother in. So she bit her lip, as if hesitating, on the verge of speaking but stopping. "Mei'er has been reflecting on her faults these past few days. I am truly ashamed before Brother Wen'ang's sincere heart. I know I have no face to see him. From now on, I will think of him no more. Thinking of you, I break with you."
She lowered her eyes, looking dejected and sad, then turned back to Mother Song and said, "Mother, let's go home."
Without waiting for the gatekeeper's reply, Song Hemei pulled Mother Song onto the carriage. Mother Song was both angry and anxious. "That Shao family is really taking things to the extreme! That concubine is still carrying a child in her womb—why are they using my Hemei to cover it up now? Even if they want to break off the marriage, they could at least tell us face to face! Sending a servant to deliver the message—what kind of behavior is that!"
Song Hemei didn't speak at first. She let her mother complain until she was nearly done, then slowly said, "Shao Wen'ang should come to see me tomorrow. I'll try to work something out with him."
Mother Song looked at her, thinking she was heartbroken over Shao Wen'ang, and instead tried to comfort her. "Hemei, don't be sad. Perhaps Shao Wen'ang wasn't home today, and it was Madam Zhang who took it upon herself to break off the engagement. He still has some genuine feelings for you. If he had been there, he would have come out to see you."
Song Hemei realized that her mother had taken her earlier words at face value and shook her head helplessly. "Mother, what's true and what's false—can't you tell anymore?"
She paused, then explained, "Shao Wen'ang is indecisive and soft-hearted. When he hears those words of mine, whether his feelings are real or fake, he will inevitably think of our past affection. 'Thinking of you, I break with you' means burning the tokens of love. If I go to Jinjin Pavilion tomorrow, I might be able to wait for him there."
Jinjin Pavilion was the place where they used to meet in private. "Do not think of me again. Thinking of you, I break with you"—those were words Shao Wen'ang had once recited to her.
He had said that even if she grew to despise him, he could not bear to do such a thing, and would keep every object related to her carefully preserved.
At that time, her heart had fluttered, and she had savored those words in sweetness for a long time. But now she realized that men's promises were probably all so easily blown away like air.
Upon hearing this, Mother Song regained some hope and didn't bother to question her daughter about that tacit, secret meeting place with Shao Wen'ang.
The next morning, Song Hemei changed into a simple, plain dress. She wore a plain hairpin and applied only a light layer of lip rouge. This time, she went out only with her sister-in-law.
The day was bright and clear. The jewelry at Jinjin Pavilion was all in the latest styles brought back from the capital, so the shop was always bustling with customers.
Across from Jinjin Pavilion was Jufu Vegetarian Restaurant, which was not part of the Song family's assets.
By the window sat a man in dark brocade ordinary clothes, a mustache adorning his upper lip. He clasped his hands in a bow to the person across from him. "It's been a few years. How have you been, Young Master?"
Yu Yeqing's eyes were deep, like black stones submerged in a cold pool. When he spoke, his voice carried a frosty distance that repelled others. "Passable. But between you and me, there should be no friendship worth reminiscing about."
The man was neither angered nor annoyed; he merely sighed softly. "Young Master, it's been so many years. His Lordship has always remembered you. Why must you throw away your future over a fit of pique?"
Yu Yeqing's brows furrowed slightly. He didn't want to hear such words from the man before him. To suppress the displeasure in his heart, his gaze unconsciously drifted toward the window.
But a mere sweep of his peripheral vision caught the Song family carriage parked by the roadside.
Almost instantly, he spotted Song Hemei's figure.
She rarely wore such simple, plain clothes. Standing on the street, her posture was graceful, yet she appeared somewhat lonely and thinner.
Yu Yeqing felt his heart suddenly jolt. Had she not been resting well during these days of confinement?
Song Hemei seemed unsteady on her feet, as if feeling unwell. She had barely taken a few steps when her figure swayed, as if she was about to fall.
Almost instinctively, Yu Yeqing stood up. But in that instant, someone appeared beside Song Hemei and caught her firmly.
When that person turned around, Yu Yeqing saw clearly.
The one who caught her was no other than her nominal husband—Shao Wen'ang.
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