Chapter 96: Extra · Stars
(An expansion of the scene in the 'Courage' chapter where Wei Zhi made Cui Miao cry during their lovemaking.)
In Wei Zhi's eyes, Cui Miao was the most brilliant of stars.
She was the lofty Eldest Princess, a golden branch and jade leaf of the highest nobility since birth. Doted upon by two emperors, she naturally possessed the confidence to be bold and flamboyant. But matters of the heart were never easily obtained, no matter how high one's birth or how great one's power. As time passed, love would settle, transforming from a momentary, brilliant firework into a steady stream that permeated daily life. Even Wei Zhi, second only to the Emperor, had to suffer for this uncontrollable emotion. According to Wei Zhi's pampered and willful nature, she would simply not do things that were difficult. But with Cui Miao, she had never once thought of giving up. She didn't know how Cui Miao had captured her heart; she only knew that Cui Miao was already her indispensable other half. To be separated would surely be a bloody, excruciatingly painful affair. For this very reason, even when facing her enraged elder sister, she had not taken a single step back. She had even thought of abandoning her noble status to become an ordinary person.
Wei Qi sneered, "Without this royal status, you are nothing. You two children, how can you last without the protection of your families? And if you want to enjoy the advantages of your families, you must contribute to them."
Some time had passed since Wei Qi, in a fit of rage, had kicked Wei Zhi twice. Wei Qi's anger had gradually subsided, and Wei Zhi often came before her to joke around, pulling at Wei Qi's sleeves and begging her. Wei Qi couldn't stand her pestering. Although she didn't approve, she ultimately couldn't bear to punish her severely.
Seeing her unconvinced look, Wei Qi said, "You are fortunate. In the Wei clan, I am the only one qualified to reprimand you. Just you watch. Even if I don't intervene, things won't be easy for Cui Miao."
Cui Miao had also prepared for this. An ambiguous relationship with the Eldest Princess was not something that could be spread around. Outsiders only thought her mother had driven her from the family home because she was unwilling to marry, but even that was something the family could not tolerate. She was the heir of the Cui family, the future matriarch of the Cui clan. She was also responsible for bearing a new heir for the Cui clan; this was the natural law of the clan's continuation, her duty. But no one from the Cui family came to criticize her. A'kui found a chance to tell her that their mother had held back everyone in the Cui family. Their father had been furious, but their mother had stopped him. The two of them had closed the door and had a huge argument, so loud the whole family knew.
A'kui said, "Eldest Sister, Mother is thinking of you. Can you just lower your head a little?"
Cui Miao was speechless. It wasn't that she was unwilling to yield, but that she didn't know how low she had to bow for her mother to look at her again. She could never tell Wei Zhi these things, so she could only let them fester in her heart.
Wei Zhi watched as her star grew dimmer day by day. She was very anxious. The Cui Miao she loved was a brilliant star. She didn't dare to think: if Cui Miao lost that light, would she still be the same Cui Miao? Would she still love her? Wei Zhi didn't dare to dwell on it. Emotions were actually extremely fragile. The deeper the love, the more easily it could collapse in a single night, unable to withstand the slightest crack. Their situation was already so difficult; how could she give up so easily?
Wei Zhi was very anxious, but she couldn't tell Cui Miao about this anxiety. They didn't live together. When they were together, both acted as if nothing was wrong, as tender and affectionate as ever. But when Cui Miao wasn't there, she tossed and turned, so worried she got fever blisters on her lips. Her attendants pitied her and advised her to worry less. Wei Zhi sighed, "If only I could control it. How can one simply decide to worry less?"
The next time Cui Miao came, Wei Zhi specially dressed up and did her makeup, trying to please her. The dignified Eldest Princess, when had she ever done something so humble? When Cui Miao entered, Wei Zhi saw her eyes light up for a moment, just as she had hoped. But it was only for a moment. Cui Miao lowered her eyelids, walked respectfully before her, and bowed.
Wei Zhi was displeased. "Why don't you look at me?"
"Your Highness is too beautiful. This subject dares not look directly…"
Before Cui Miao could finish, Wei Zhi grabbed her by the collar and pulled her close. "Look up!"
Cui Miao instinctively raised her head, her gaze crashing into Wei Zhi's furious eyes.
"Cui Miao, are you backing down?" Wei Zhi asked, direct and frank.
"I'm not!" Cui Miao struggled twice but couldn't break free.
"Then tell me, what are you thinking?" Wei Zhi demanded in a low voice.
Cui Miao averted her gaze. "Your Highness is noble and should not lower yourself…"
"Cui Miao!" Wei Zhi gritted her teeth. "If you're going to be so proper, why are you with me, doing such an unorthodox thing? Did I fall for you because you know your etiquette? Huh?"
"Your Highness…" Cui Miao bit her lip tightly to hold back her tears.
"Say my name."
"A'zhi…"
Wei Zhi yanked her collar, pulling her extremely close. A rough kiss descended, silencing Cui Miao and leaving her breathless.
"A'miao… A'miao… My sister said we wouldn't last… I don't believe it… If I can give up my life, what can't I do? Tell me, what are you thinking?"
Cui Miao refused to speak. How could she say it? She was disloyal and unfilial, cowardly and incompetent. She didn't dare to face it. She had wavered and struggled between her mother, her family, and the one she loved. She was trapped in self-loathing and couldn't escape. She was starting to feel that she didn't deserve Wei Zhi! She… she seemed to have lost her confidence… The Cui Miao who had once confidently told herself that not a single scion in the capital could compare to her, that Her Highness would surely notice her, was starting to lose that spirit. How could she say it out loud!
Her silence enraged Wei Zhi. Wei Zhi grabbed her by the lapels, dragging her towards the inner room, completely ignoring Cui Miao's stumbling. She pulled her along, threw her onto the couch, and then pressed down on top of her.
"A'zhi?"
Wei Zhi didn't speak. Full of grievances, she held Cui Miao down and bit her neck.
"A'zhi! Your Highness! Don't! I have to be on duty tomorrow!" Cui Miao panicked and began to struggle, but Wei Zhi held her down. Fortunately, Wei Zhi heard her. She quickly untied her sash, roughly pulled open her lapels, and rained urgent kisses and bites on her chest.
"It hurts…" Cui Miao whimpered softly.
"You deserve it." Wei Zhi bit her a few more times, venting some of her anger, then stopped. Her hands moved quickly, undoing her clothes, and in a few moments, she had the naked Cui Miao pinned beneath her. Her right hand slid down and pressed against the small nub hidden within the soft flesh between her legs, beginning to toy with it.
"Don't!" Her sensitive spot was suddenly assaulted, and Cui Miao instinctively arched her back and clamped her legs together.
Wei Zhi used her body weight to pin down her hands and feet, using a knee to pry her legs apart, not allowing her to close them. Her hand did not relent, pressing and circling that small pearl.
The body is honest. After just a moment of teasing, Cui Miao's breathing became ragged. Wei Zhi's kiss descended, gentle this time. Their tongues tangled and chased, and desire surged. Cui Miao surrendered extremely quickly. In the time it takes to drink a cup of tea, she was trembling as she reached her peak. She clung tightly to Wei Zhi, her intermittent gasps falling on Wei Zhi's ear, only fanning the flames of Wei Zhi's own desire. Her finger was still pressing on the small nub, the sensitive spot seeming to throb in time with her heartbeat. Wei Zhi lightened her touch and continued to rub.
"A'zhi, A'zhi… that's enough… enough…" The just-sated pearl was extremely sensitive and couldn't bear the teasing. Cui Miao gasped, begging Wei Zhi, but Wei Zhi paid her no heed, her hand never stopping. And so, Cui Miao was set alight by her once more.
But the small nub, having been satisfied once, would not climax again so quickly. On one hand, an intense fire scorched her entire body; on the other, she was denied satisfaction for a long time. Cui Miao felt as if she would be burned to ashes, her sanity roasted over the flames. She moaned aloud, breaking out in a fine, dense sweat. She dazedly begged Wei Zhi, but Wei Zhi pretended not to know.
This time lasted a long while. Cui Miao felt herself rising and falling, but she couldn't find release, and the feeling was unbearable. When the final moment arrived, Cui Miao's brows furrowed tightly, and she clenched her fists in Wei Zhi's magnificent robes. The precious clothes were crumpled beyond recognition and likely couldn't be worn a second time. But Wei Zhi didn't care at all. Her thoughts were all on Cui Miao. She watched Cui Miao's expression, guessed at her feelings, and suppressed her struggles. She found satisfaction in Cui Miao's pleasure, and also felt a certain perverse thrill in Cui Miao's pain. She felt that she herself was probably about to break.
By the third time, Cui Miao could no longer bear it, calling out again and again, begging Wei Zhi to stop. Wei Zhi refused. Her voice, filled with anger and resentment, fell on Cui Miao's ear: "Tell me what you're thinking. Let me share the burden with you. Tell me, and I'll let you go."
Cui Miao bit her lip, drenched in sweat.
And so came the fourth time, and the fifth. The pleasure built up until it overflowed. Cui Miao broke down. Her body twitched and trembled uncontrollably, her fingers too weak to grip the bedding. Tears streamed out as if a dam had burst. She cried silently, large teardrops falling, looking so helpless, so desperate. Wei Zhi stopped. She withdrew her hand, released Cui Miao, no longer pinning her down. Cui Miao lay limp on the bed, just shedding tears.
Wei Zhi reached out and gathered her up, holding her in her arms, coaxing her with heartache, "A'miao, A'miao… I'm sorry… I just…"
Warm tears flowed down her neck into her collar, soaking the front of her robes. She somewhat regretted bullying Cui Miao like this. Things were already hard enough for Cui Miao… She held Cui Miao, soothingly kissing the corners of her eyes, tasting the bitter salt of her tears, and her own heart grew bitter. What were they to do?
She could do nothing but hold Cui Miao and coax her again and again, until Cui Miao calmed down and nestled in her arms.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Wei Zhi murmured.
Cui Miao shook her head and said in a stuffy, muffled voice, "Don't you say sorry. I'm the one who should…"
Wei Zhi asked, confused, "Why? How have you wronged me?"
Cui Miao said, "It's all my fault. I've implicated Your Highness and made you suffer. Your Highness is so good, you shouldn't have to endure this hardship…"
"So you do know I'm suffering?" Wei Zhi gave a sarcastic laugh. "If you can't bear to see me suffer, then you should take care of yourself. I want to see you smile."
Cui Miao let out a sob, prompting Wei Zhi to gently pat her back. Cui Miao said, "But I don't know how to smile. My heart is so, so bitter."
Wei Zhi fell silent. She knew the source of Cui Miao's pain, but she had no solution. Even as the esteemed Eldest Princess, she couldn't have everything her way.
After a long while, Wei Zhi asked hesitantly, "A'miao, will you give up? If…" If it's going to cause you this much pain, would it be better to give up sooner?
"No! I won't!" Cui Miao gripped her hand, cutting her off. "I will never! A'zhi, I've lost my way. I don't know how to be loyal or filial. In this dense fog, you are the only thing I can see. Don't abandon me…"
"Alright…" Wei Zhi's voice trembled as she held her. No matter how difficult the path, they had chosen it, and they had to grit their teeth and walk it until the day they reached a brighter dawn.
Her star was only obscured by dark clouds. She had to wait, wait for the clouds to drift away, and the star would still be the same star. That was her star, the most brilliant one. The moment she shed her dim veil and shone brightly once more, heaven and earth would pale in comparison. They were the star and moon, complementing each other. The star was temporarily dim, but the moon was ever bright, keeping its light to await its love's return, so they could be full and bright together every night.
Author's Notes
May I be as the star, and you as the moon,
Our flowing light shining bright on each other night after night.
The moon may wane, but the star is ever bright,
Keeping its light, it awaits the moon's return,
That on the fifteenth night, we may shine full together.
—Fan Chengda, "The Carriage is Far Away"
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