Chapter 56: What Matters
Song Hemei leaned against the bedpost, not looking at the man behind her as she slowly steadied her breathing, gradually suppressing the stirring of desire within her body.
But suddenly she felt a tightening at her waist. She instinctively lowered her gaze and saw that along her sash, the other end was entwined around Yu Yeqing's fingertips, as if reminding her of the situation they had just been in.
Her heart began to race uncontrollably once more. She reached up to tug at it but couldn't pull it free, so she had to look up at him. "Why are you holding onto my sash?"
Yu Yeqing gazed at her steadily. "No going back on your word?"
"Of course not. Would I lie to you?"
Steeling herself, she simply grabbed his long fingers directly. She had thought she'd need to use force to pry them open, but unexpectedly, aside from a barely perceptible tremor at the very first touch, they were quite compliant. She easily hooked them loose and freed her sash.
Afraid he still wouldn't believe her, she added a note of sincerity to her tone. "If I didn't intend to keep my word, I wouldn't have come to find you in the first place."
Yu Yeqing's eyes narrowed slightly. "Or perhaps you didn't know I would make such a demand."
Song Hemei bit her lip. She truly hadn't expected it, but neither was she particularly surprised.
After all, this was how it had all started. It seemed only natural that he would want to settle the score in this regard.
But it made her uncomfortable. She had said it so plainly—why was he still doubting her?
She simply grabbed his hand firmly and looked up, meeting his eyes with seriousness. "I said I would agree, so I will agree. I have never broken my word. Tonight, at the Hour of the Boar, I will personally meet you at the side gate."
Speaking so solemnly and earnestly about such a matter sounded rather odd.
Yu Yeqing was momentarily dazzled by the blazing sincerity in her eyes, which reminded him of the past.
He hadn't thought she wouldn't keep her word—only that three years ago, she had said she would come to him, yet what arrived was her elder brother.
But if she truly hadn't known, then she had indeed always kept her promises.
"I've given you your chance to back out, Second Miss Song."
His low, hoarse voice reached her ears. Every time he called her that, it carried a strangely seductive quality. Coming from his mouth, it didn't sound like a polite form of address at all, but rather something tinged with a forbidden intimacy known only to the two of them.
Song Hemei couldn't tell whether he meant it that way or if she was just feeling guilty.
She let go of him and straightened her robes. "I know, I know. I won't go back on my word."
She stood up first, cleared her throat lightly, and tried to make her voice sound as proper as possible. "Then I'll head back to the Song residence now. I won't disturb you any longer."
Yu Yeqing paused. "How did you get here?"
"I rode a horse."
Song Hemei suddenly remembered she had a horse. "I came in a hurry and just tied it to a tree somewhere."
In a hurry? So she had been worried that his aunt would make things difficult for him?
A warm, tingling sensation seemed to spread through his chest, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at her became tinged with a subtle emotion.
Seeing her nod slightly and turn to leave, he instinctively wanted to see her out, but in that instant he remembered he was not in a position to stand.
Song Hemei hurried out the door. She picked up her veiled hat from the stone table in the courtyard and walked briskly outside.
In front of Yu Yeqing, she had managed to hold back, but now, shielded by the veil, her cheeks flushed red without restraint, burning hotter with every uneasy beat of her heart.
Lost in thought, she found herself back at the Song residence without realizing it. As she returned the horse to the stable, a young servant came to report that her mother wished to see her as soon as she was home.
Song Hemei took a deep breath. On her way to the main courtyard, she did her best to suppress the telltale redness on her face. But as soon as she entered the room and her mother saw her, she was pulled aside. "Why is your face so flushed? Did you get heatstroke?"
Pretending not to notice, she dismissed it casually. "Probably."
Her mother sighed softly and poured her a cup of cool tea. "You really are something. You barely get home and you're off again, not even taking a carriage. You're a mother yourself now—where's your sense of steadiness?"
No matter how stirred or unsettled her heart was, a few words with family were enough to calm it completely.
Song Hemei curled her lips and said softly, "I understand."
She took small sips of tea, saying nothing. Ever since the big fight with her family when the Shao family's trouble broke out, she had become considerably more distant with them. Besides, she had left the Song residence less than half a month ago—there was really nothing much to talk about.
But to her mother, she was still a daughter married far away, and seeing her prompted concern. "Didn't you just leave? Why are you back so soon? Did your husband make you unhappy?"
Song Hemei didn't answer. Instead, she asked, "Where is Father?"
Her mother sighed again. "Sleeping. He's awake less and less now."
Song Hemei looked down in thought, planning how to tell her father about the amicable divorce with Shao Wen'ang. Her mother gazed at her with affection, reached out, and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Mei'er, you've been married for three years. Your husband treats you well, with care and consideration. Why is your heart like stone—so hard to warm?"
At these words, she furrowed her brow involuntarily. "Mother, if you only have such things to say to me, then you needn't speak."
"Look at you. Everything I say is for your own good. I'm your own mother—would I harm you?"
Song Hemei didn't want to listen. She rose to leave, but her mother grasped her hand tightly.
"As the saying goes, young couples grow old together. You two have known each other since childhood. Now you are husband and wife, and you should support each other in the years to come. Your father and I cannot protect you forever. As a woman, you must ultimately rely on your husband."
The more she spoke, the more emotional she became.
"You're grown now. I speak from the heart, from my own life experience, but you never want to listen. Look at your father now—who knows when he might… Ah, and how long can I stay by your side? In this life, my three wishes are that your elder brother will have many children, that your marriage will be harmonious, and that your third brother will succeed in the imperial examinations. But Heaven shows me no mercy—everything goes against my wishes."
Tears welled in her eyes. She pulled out a handkerchief to dab them. "But your elder brother and third brother are men. No matter how hard things get, they can manage. You are different. If your father and I are no longer here, who will protect you? I can see that your husband treats you well now. His body is failing, so there won't be any other women or concubines, no bastard children to vex you. If you hold fast to him, and you have Lianzhu, who listens to you, your days will surely improve. But you insist on not doing it, always talking about an amicable divorce."
She raised her hand and gestured around the hall. "In the old days, if you wanted an amicable divorce, you could have one. The Song family could certainly afford to support you. But look at what things have come to now. Even this tea—look at it. In the past, tea of this quality would never have been worthy of being set before us!"
Song Hemei found her words absurd.
"Mother, you go on and on, but in the end, it all comes down to one thing: you won't allow me an amicable divorce. But why pretend with me, Mother? As if, even if the Song family were still as prosperous as before, you would have granted me an amicable divorce. Mother, you can say these things to deceive me, but don't say them so much that you end up deceiving yourself."
She met her mother's shocked, uncomprehending eyes. "Even if Shao Wen'ang seems perfect in your eyes, it is my life to live. I cannot go on with him. When I look at him, I feel sick to my core. I hate it when he comes near me, when he insists on holding my hand. I hate the smell of urine on him, and I hate it when he calls me 'wife.'"
She took a deep breath, pain coloring her eyes. "Back then, circumstances left me no choice. Fine, I agreed to go to the Shao family. But why now, when I want an amicable divorce, am I still being pressured and forbidden? Yes, the Song family's reputation is important, a woman's honor is important—only my wishes are the least important of all. Mother, you don't know—I am terrified now. I'm afraid that one day, when I close my eyes, you will all drag me into the Shao family graveyard, never to be reborn for all eternity."
Her mother's face changed drastically. She immediately grabbed Song Hemei's hand and slapped it against the table three times. "Spit that out! Child, don't say such inauspicious things! How can you speak of life and death so lightly?"
"Lightly? I am in no mood for jokes."
Song Hemei shook her head gently. After being hurt so many times, a pathetic numbness had set in.
"Enough, Mother. Every time I come back, we argue over the same thing. You always find new ways to say it, but I am tired. I don't have the energy to think of new comebacks. You are stubborn, and in the end, you never convince me anyway. If you truly care for me and want to talk about other things, then fine. But if you bring this up again, I won't return to the Song residence in the future."
Her mother's lips trembled, as if deeply wounded by these words. "Stubborn? How can you call me stubborn? You are the one stuck in a pointless dead end. You keep saying 'the Song residence'—is this not your home?"
Song Hemei let out a light laugh, tinged with a hint of mockery. "It hasn't been for a long time. A married daughter has no home."
She raised her hand and gently pushed her mother's grip away.
"Enough. You should stay with Father. If he wakes up, please have someone call me. I have something important to discuss with him."
With that, she stood up and turned to leave.
Her mother pointed at her retreating back, stammering "You, you…" for a long while, before finally muttering resentfully, "Spoiled, utterly spoiled!"
After just a few words with her mother, Song Hemei's spirits sank to rock bottom. They had parted on bad terms too many times. There wasn't much sadness left—mostly irritation.
Irritation at being tormented by the same issue over and over again.
She returned to her room and waited until the sky grew dark, but no one came from her mother to summon her to see her father.
But there was one thing she couldn't avoid: she had to see Yu Yeqing at the Hour of the Boar.
With her emotions completely settled, thinking of Yu Yeqing again brought a fresh wave of nervousness.
She called for Chunhui. "Go and ask if my elder brother has returned to the residence."
She had to make sure she avoided her brother, so the two of them wouldn't run into each other.
In a short while, Chunhui returned. "I heard the eldest young master has urgent business today and won't be back."
Only then did Song Hemei relax a little.
But the closer it got to the appointed hour, the more nervous she became. There was even a hint of barely concealed… anticipation.
She dismissed all the servants and had a bath prepared in the side room. She bathed thoroughly, then changed into a simple, light set of everyday clothes and waited quietly in her room.
If she hadn't prepared all this, it might have been just nervous anticipation. But now, with all these preparations, it felt different—as if the whole notion of making amends was just an excuse, and it had truly become a secret, unspeakable tryst.
When the hour was almost upon her, Song Hemei unconsciously swallowed hard. She picked up a lantern and slipped out of the house, making her way to the side gate.
Ever since the Song family's business had failed, many of the household servants had been let go. She quickly dismissed the two guards at the gate, pushed the door open just a crack, and waited for him to arrive.
She had thought Yu Yeqing would come precisely at the Hour of the Boar, but to her surprise, she waited until nearly the end of the hour before she heard footsteps.
She pushed the door open all the way and indeed saw Yu Yeqing stepping up onto the stone steps.
She blurted out without thinking, "Why are you so late?"
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