Chapter 57: Estrangement
Song Hemei's light garments were a solid, pale color. Her black hair draped over her shoulders, and she held a lantern. Her appearance in the darkness was indeed startling.
When Yu Yeqing saw her push open the door and emerge, he too found his mind momentarily stunned.
Her voice entered his ears, seeming to complain that he had come late. Almost instantly, he spoke: "Some matters held me up."
What could possibly detain him at this late hour?
Song Hemei pressed her lips together. She found it strange, yet she also felt he had no reason to make excuses. He was the one who had proposed this, after all. Could he be the first to lose his nerve?
She cleared her throat. The truth was, she had waited too long, causing her earlier words to overstep. Anyone listening would think she was the one in a desperate hurry.
Because Yu Yeqing was still standing on the steps, she didn't need to look up at him to clearly read the expression on his face. She also caught the flicker of surprise in his eyes the moment he saw her.
She felt a little uncomfortable under his gaze and, afraid he might see through her thoughts, she simply stiffened her expression, reached out, and grabbed his wrist. "Hurry up and go inside. It wouldn't be good if someone sees us."
No sooner had she touched him than she was startled by the chill of his wrist. The cold was so intense that not even his sleeve could insulate it.
Summer had already arrived; this was truly strange. Song Hemei paused in her steps. Perhaps it was because she had been a mother for three years that she paid extra attention to such things. She asked bluntly: "Why are you so cold? Are you ill?"
Yu Yeqing lowered his eyes to look at her hand gripping his wrist. Was he deliberately avoiding her gaze? "Perhaps because I touched well water."
Song Hemei took a moment to understand his meaning.
He had also bathed before coming?
Suddenly realizing this, Song Hemei felt the heat that had scorched her neck during the day surge back. She quickly turned her head back and pulled him into the residence. "Alright, alright. Let's go inside first and talk."
She pulled him with considerable force. Fortunately, his strides were quick, or he might have tripped on the steps.
Yu Yeqing had never imagined he would set foot on the corridors of the Song residence again. Even three years ago, the only time he had lingered in the Song residence at night had been because of her.
But this time was different from three years ago. The Song family, who never skimped on food or lodging, had not hung lanterns that burned all night along the corridors.
He lowered his eyes, watching as the warm light from the lantern in the figure before him illuminated half her body. Her black hair was tied back with a ribbon, swaying lightly with her steps. The breeze stirred by her movement pressed her light garments tighter against her form.
She seemed too ethereal, too unreal. If not for the warmth of her hand on his wrist, he would truly believe she had once again stepped into his dream.
Soon, passing through the moon-gate at the end of the corridor, she hurriedly pulled him into the bedchamber she had occupied before her marriage. She pushed him inside, stood outside to glance around, then entered and closed the door behind her.
Song Hemei leaned her back against the door. The moment she looked up, she met his deep, dark eyes. Her throat involuntarily moved.
If it were about finding an excuse to send someone away, she was skilled. But she had absolutely no experience with this sort of thing. And since Yu Yeqing was practically a mute, she had to take the lead and say something casual: "Sit down for a while."
Yu Yeqing's expression visibly changed at her words. "What?"
Song Hemei only then realized her phrasing had been somewhat off. She quickly corrected herself: "I meant, go sit down and rest a bit."
Yu Yeqing's long lashes fluttered. To her surprise, he let out a soft laugh. Heeding her words, he turned and sat down.
Belatedly, Song Hemei noticed her palms were sweating from nervousness. She bent down, blew out the candle in her lantern, set it aside, and wiped her hands with her handkerchief. When she looked back, she found Yu Yeqing's gaze fixed elsewhere.
She followed his line of sight and realized he was looking at that porcelain vase.
She had taken it out in the afternoon to look at it, and when she put it away, she hadn't deliberately hidden it inside. Now it was sitting out in plain sight, and he had seen it clearly.
Three years ago, in this very room, he had recognized the porcelain vase from just a glimpse of its edge; now he could see its entirety.
Song Hemei pressed her lips together, feeling as if the secret thoughts buried deep within her heart—thoughts she herself had never fully examined—were now exposed before him without any cover, waiting for him to analyze and dissect.
He suddenly spoke: "Why did you stop liking jade porcelain later on?"
"I've never had a fixed taste for things. I don't even remember when that fondness faded."
Yu Yeqing abruptly turned his head to look at her. His blazing gaze contained an emotion she couldn't decipher, and even his voice had grown heavy: "Then how long will you like something?"
Song Hemei was taken aback. When had she ever calculated such things precisely?
She answered casually: "How can you say for sure? Why are you suddenly asking this?"
She glanced again at the cabinet holding the porcelain, trying to guess his thoughts, and took the initiative: "If you like something in there, just take it."
Yu Yeqing's eyes narrowed slightly. "If someone else asked you for it, would you let them take it too?"
Song Hemei found his question odd. "That depends on who's asking and which item they want. I'm not some sort of money-dispensing Bodhisattva. Am I supposed to give something to everyone who asks?"
Yu Yeqing was silent for a moment. His Adam's apple moved, and the long fingers resting on the armchair slowly curled inward.
"The one on the outermost edge—would you give that away?"
Song Hemei looked back at the cabinet and immediately understood which one he meant. She answered directly: "No."
Yu Yeqing's pupils trembled slightly at her reply. But before he could ask why, Song Hemei continued: "That one was originally broken. It was mended. Don't you remember?"
She smiled faintly. "You yourself repaired it. How can something that's been broken be casually given away?"
Yu Yeqing's long lashes cast shadows over his eyes. He only said softly: "Yes. A half-ruined thing is indeed not suitable as a gift."
Song Hemei watched him intently, unable to tell why he was suddenly asking all this.
Yu Yeqing relaxed the tension in his hand and looked up at her again. "Isn't the Hour of the Boar almost over, Second Miss Song?"
He leaned back against the chair, without the slightest trace of the awkwardness he had shown three years ago. Though he was looking up at her, he seemed in no way inferior.
She understood he was reminding her. But… how could she possibly go about it while he sat here like this?
Song Hemei bit her lip. She didn't want to seem like she was playing games with him. She had agreed to the Hour of the Boar, and now that he had come, she couldn't delay on a pretext.
She took a deep breath and walked straight over to him. Drawing near, she wasted no time. She raised her hand to touch his cheek, bent down, and kissed him.
His lips were cold too—slightly different from how she remembered—but it still made her heart pound wildly, causing her throat to involuntarily swallow.
She closed her eyes, deceiving herself into not wanting to see his expression, and mechanically captured his lower lip. For some inexplicable reason, she even gave it a gentle bite.
But that one bite seemed to touch the edge of a beast's cage. She felt a sudden tightness around her waist and was pulled onto his lap.
Song Hemei was startled, but her cry was smothered between their lips. His rough, heavy breathing sounded in her ear. The pressure on her waist and back tightened. As her tongue grew numb, she thought she heard him swallow.
She felt her entire body stirred by his reaction, aroused. She couldn't tell whether it was because three years was too long, making her forget whether her former self had been just as weak-willed, or because she hadn't experienced this in three years, so she actually missed it.
By the time Yu Yeqing released her lips, she felt her vision blur. The candlelight nearby seemed to dance in the beautiful eyes of the man before her, mesmerizing her. Without thinking, she looped her arms around his neck.
"Should we continue?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
Song Hemei's mind was hazy. Her body responded before her reason.
She nodded.
Then, Yu Yeqing's grip on her loosened slightly. And then, he pulled back a little, looking at her with an expression that suggested he was waiting to see what she would do.
Song Hemei was still dazed. But under his unwavering stare, she couldn't help but slowly catch on. "You want me to do it?"
Yu Yeqing's eyes were deep, his expression unreadable. "The first time between us, didn't you take the lead?"
Song Hemei pressed her lips together. There was no refuting that past event.
By now, she was very certain. He clearly intended to repay her for what she had done back then.
She steeled herself and nodded. "Fine."
She could feel something hot and hard pressing against her, but she forced herself to stay calm. She raised her hand to untie his waistband and sash. Yet something unexpectedly struck the back of her hand. She didn't even need to look down to know what she had touched.
She froze instantly. The memories and sensations from three years ago, long faded, surged back vividly.
After that first time, he had always taken the initiative. She had never touched that thing which she herself lacked. Even in the darkness, she had only seen a vague outline.
But this time was different. The candle was still lit. Everything was exposed before her eyes.
Her mind buzzed. She was thinking about whether to first strip off his clothes completely or go directly to untying her own sash and get the deed done first.
But Yu Yeqing suddenly spoke: "So this is how it was with Lord Shao—you were this unfamiliar?"
Song Hemei didn't understand why he had to bring up Shao Wen'ang at a time like this. Didn't he realize it ruined the mood?
She didn't want him to ask further, and she certainly didn't want him to know about Shao Wen'ang.
Explaining one thing would mean revealing a whole chain of events from back then. Why should she reopen old wounds in front of him?
He had seen how her parents doted on her, so she even less wanted him to know how her parents had sacrificed her for the sake of the Song family. She didn't want him to see the pathetic situation she was in.
She simply said something final: "He never asked me to do it."
The moment the words left her mouth, Yu Yeqing's hand around her waist tightened again, and his eyes darkened noticeably.
But she had no mind to care about that now, because she had made a decision. She would get the deed done first. Keeping her clothes on would at least cover up the parts she didn't want him to see.
She focused on undoing her own sash, gathered the loose fabric of her dress, and neatly concealed everything she didn't want him to notice, also suppressing her own shame.
When it came time to actually act, she was truly nervous. She took two deep breaths, straightened herself slightly, aimed directly at the right spot, and pressed down.
The strange yet familiar sensation surged back. Her lower back seemed to tremble, and even her calves tensed up.
Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around the neck of the man before her and buried her face against the pulse point of his neck, taking small, slow breaths to steady herself. She was already struggling to bear the tight, unbearable numbness, when she heard Yu Yeqing let out a muffled groan in her ear—
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