Chapter 73: No Peace
"In the end, it is you who…"
Song Hemei was stunned by his words. When had she ever blamed him?
And Yu Yeqing's voice, a mix of grievance and sigh, rang out again: "Song Hemei, this is unfair."
The pain that had carved into her very bones had not yet been forgotten, but he already no longer blamed her for her ignorance.
He had handled Song Yunyao's matter without even a trace of personal spite, so she too should not blame him.
His appearance crashed into her eyes, making Song Hemei's eyelashes tremble. She quickly spoke: "I don't blame you. Am I someone who doesn't know good from bad?"
Yu Yeqing lowered his gaze, not answering her words. He turned and continued walking forward.
Song Hemei grew anxious inside, uncertain if he believed her words. She took a few steps to catch up, wanting to speak again, but just as they came down the corridor, a runner carrying case files passed by. Spotting Yu Yeqing, he stopped specially to pay his respects.
Her words stuck in her throat. She had to abide by the rules of the moment. The weather was sweltering, and with her heart racing, a fine sheen of sweat broke out on her brow.
Fortunately, Yu Yeqing didn't linger on the road. He merely nodded in acknowledgment to whoever he met and headed straight for the office room left for him to work in the yamen. Seeing him stride through the threshold, Song Hemei hurriedly followed. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and directly grabbed his sleeve.
"I truly never blamed you. I was already very grateful that you allowed me to see my elder brother. His stubborn refusal to see reason is his own fault. I only blame him for acting rashly without considering the consequences. But that has nothing to do with you. He was the one in the wrong."
In the unfamiliar room, when Yu Yeqing looked back at her, there was a subtle ripple in his dark eyes.
Song Hemei felt as if she were bewitched. Her hand that held his sleeve simply clasped his wrist: "If we're going to talk about it, not only do I not blame you, I actually feel fortunate. Luckily, it was you who was judging this case. If it had been someone else, the outcome might not have been as good as it is now."
She could feel her heartbeat uncontrollably quickening, and even thought that her words were becoming embarrassingly direct, revealing her feelings. In the midst of this confusion and uncertainty, she had shown her hand first, destined to be at a disadvantage.
A moment of silence here would feel especially long. Song Hemei felt her heart suspended high, waiting for a chance to land, but instead what came was his sentence—
"You are lying to me."
Song Hemei's brow twitched violently: "Why do you insist on slandering people?"
That infuriating stubbornness returned to Yu Yeqing's eyes: "During the interrogation in the hall, I knew you were outside. From that moment on, you were blaming me. You spoke to me with distant words and veiled insinuations, scolding the locust tree while pointing at the mulberry tree—a roundabout way to mock me."
He repeated: "This is unfair."
Song Hemei rarely saw him speak so much at once. His words did make her feel a bit guilty, yet she truly didn't know where this "unfairness" of his came from. Thinking it over carefully, she felt he was just turning the accusation back on her.
"If you're going to nitpick, then I want to ask you: from my perspective, you left my bed not a few days ago, and then you turned around and arrested my elder brother, putting on a charge that could exterminate my entire Song family. What do you think I should have done? Don't tell me you didn't have that intention at the time. You clearly came back to Changzhou specifically for this matter, didn't you?"
She felt her momentum might overpower his, so she tightened her grip on his wrist.
"When I say I don't blame you, first, because I know this is your duty, and second, because I truly have no right to blame you."
As she continued, her voice grew a little choked: "Between us, things are no longer as they once were. You are no longer what you used to be, no longer dependent on the monthly allowance I gave you to get by. Moreover, there are old grievances. I cannot command you to explain everything to me, but truly, I do not know where this 'unfairness' you speak of comes from. How else do you want me to be fair to you?"
Yu Yeqing was silent for a moment, then suddenly said: "If I had told you then, what would you have done?"
She indeed could not have done much. Seeing how her elder brother was today, even if she had known a few days earlier, she wouldn't have been able to get anything out of him.
"But that's different."
Song Hemei emphasized: "What I do is my business, but whether or not you told me is yours. What you did was wrong. It was only right for me to take a few jabs at you."
She shook the hand that held his: "And besides, I am more honorable than you. You act in a shady, secretive way, deliberately concealing things. Yet I still hold your hand and speak to you gently. I'm the one who should feel this is unfair."
Yu Yeqing pondered for a moment, then instead grasped her wrist, pulling her two steps closer.
Meeting her surprised eyes, he asked: "If I had told you then, would you have thrown me out directly?"
"I would never do that." She didn't retreat, standing straight in front of him and speaking directly: "All these hypotheticals of yours now are just you slandering me."
Yu Yeqing nodded: "Now that you know, would you throw me out?"
Song Hemei found his words even more inexplicable. Why would she throw him out? Bear a grudge because he arrested her brother? Even if that were the case, this was the government office, his room—what right did she have to throw him out?
She said bluntly: "Of course not."
And in the next instant, she noticed Yu Yeqing's gaze drop, tangible heat landing on her lips.
Song Hemei sensed something amiss. Sure enough, her wrist was pulled behind her back and pinned. His other palm covered the nape of her neck, his fingers threading into her hair. A tingling numbness shot through her instantly.
Before she could speak, her lips were captured. Scorching breath tangled with her possessively. She could feel the deep rise and fall of his chest, like a crouching eagle spreading its wings to enclose and lock her in.
The ambiguous sound of swallowing echoed in her ears. The touch and intertwining of tongues was both familiar and perfectly matched. She tried to pull away, but was pressed, crashing into his embrace.
Yu Yeqing's breathing grew heavier and thicker. He had wanted this for so long.
He had missed her. A separation of just a few days, yet it seemed to drag up all the dull pain he had deliberately suppressed over the past three years to torment him. The intimacy after deep entanglement made even a moment's separation unbearable.
He had indeed grown timid, afraid that Song Yunyao—that thorn lodged in his heart—would take root in her, afraid that she would be ruthless and push him into an abyss from which he could no longer struggle free.
He was lost in endless fear and longing… until his lip was bitten during the grinding kiss.
The force wasn't heavy, but when he opened his eyes, he saw the woman before him glaring at him angrily: "Have you lost your mind? Do you know where we are right now?"
"I know."
Yu Yeqing stared at her intently: "No one will come in."
Song Hemei gritted her teeth in frustration: "Do you think everyone else is stupid? I'm a perfectly alive person. If anyone saw me follow you in and I haven't left the yamen, where else could I be? Don't you care about your official reputation anymore? Or do you want people to think you're a lecher, so that in the future, when you need to investigate someone, they'll send their women to you to curry favor?"
"You were the one who closed the door."
Song Hemei's heart trembled. He made it sound as if she had deliberately planned to do something with him, just waiting for him to make a move.
She swallowed: "Who told you to walk so fast, not letting me finish what I had to say?"
Yu Yeqing showed no sign of restraint: "If anyone is really going to be suspicious, they've already made up their minds from the moment you stood by my side. There's no need to care about them."
His breathing was heavy, his deep eyes seemed to devour her.
"You think I came to disturb you."
This was what her elder brother had said.
But now, spoken in his low voice, it somehow made her feel that this "disturbance" was not entirely innocent.
"I never said that."
"But that's what you think." He grew stubborn again. "You didn't deny it. You think so too."
Song Hemei truly felt wronged, but the anger that rose from being wronged, after looking at him for a while, gradually subsided.
The hand that had been clutching the fabric at his waist relaxed, and instead, she simply wrapped her arms around his firm back. She buried her forehead in the hollow of his neck, rubbing slightly so that her cheek could press against the pulse in his throat.
Yu Yeqing's body stiffened instantly.
He heard her say: "I truly don't know what you're thinking, but I think you also enjoy being with me, right?"
All her courage gathered in that moment as she said with reckless abandon: "If I'm not implicated in elder brother's matter, will I still have the chance to see you?"
Yu Yeqing was stunned. The feeling of being favored and chosen resurfaced, but the pain of the sudden fall back then made him hesitate in fear.
"Do you want to see me, or are you using seeing me as an excuse to get me to exonerate him?"
Song Hemei's heart sank by half. Even breathing hurt.
She swallowed. If she were truly implicated and sentenced to clan execution, she wouldn't have long to live anyway. The dignity she cared about so much was loosening at the brink of life and death. Perhaps, too, the scent of ink on him intoxicated her, making her feel that it would be too pitiful for her feelings to end without resolution at the moment of her death.
She took a deep breath, some reckless courage surging within, and retorted: "Are you really concerned about what I think, or are you just playing dumb with me, deliberately using such words to humiliate me?"
She felt Yu Yeqing's Adam's apple move, as if he wanted to speak, so she cut him off first.
"I told you, I am more straightforward than you. I really did want to see you. These past few days, I've been thinking about when you would come back. I don't know if you're just venting your revenge for how I once forced you, or if you have other intentions. But in the end, it was you who seduced me."
Yu Yeqing's heart trembled. His whole body stiffened and burned because of her words.
She sounded both regretful and annoyed: "So elder brother was wrong, and I didn't tacitly agree. You didn't come back to disturb me. You seduced me, making me unsettled everywhere, unable to find peace again. So—"
She paused, making Yu Yeqing subconsciously ask: "So what?"
"So, you are a very improper villain."
Yu Yeqing's throat tightened. He couldn't wait to speak: "I—"
She interrupted him: "So the innocent and upright appearance you put on now is all fake. You can fool people, you're utterly despicable. I should be the one feeling it's unfair. Why am I the only one who can't find peace?"
With that, she rubbed her cheek against his neck.
Yu Yeqing's heart suddenly pounded like a drum, as if something had melted into his blood and raced through his meridians, spreading the news throughout his body.
But then, she bit down hard on the part of his neck close to his jaw. It was a fierce bite—compared to it, the nip on his lip earlier seemed lighter.
Yet the pain on his neck only made him believe more that everything now was real. The more it hurt, the more his blood surged with joy, making his entire body burn.
He didn't move a muscle until she released her bite and even wiped the mark with her sleeve.
"There. This is proof that you have an affair with me."
"Even if I am taken out and beheaded together with my entire family tomorrow, the gossip that sticks to you will always remind you of me."
"I bet this time, I won't be the only one who can't find peace."
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