Chapter 98: Sorrow
"I thought you had changed your mind……"
"Are we leaving tonight?"
This sudden turn of events caught Song Hemei off guard, but Yu Yeqing's hand clasping hers was warm, and the look in his eyes was earnest—it did not seem like an impulsive decision.
She subconsciously glanced toward Madam Zhang in the main hall, but the woman deliberately averted her gaze first.
It was Shao Wen'ang who happened to turn around at that moment. When he looked at her, there seemed to be both shame and reluctance in his eyes. His lips moved as if he had more to say, but in the end, he only called out silently, "Mei'er……"
Her brows furrowed slightly. She quickly turned back and gripped Yu Yeqing's hand tightly. "What about you?"
"I'll naturally go with you."
Yu Yeqing's voice was soft and slow, but it carried a soothing effect that put her at ease.
Song Hemei glanced toward the main hall again. "If you still have something to say here, just wait for me."
Yu Yeqing shook his head gently. "There's nothing I need to say. The reason I came back with you was to come and get you."
Those words struck Song Hemei's heart—both because of his thoughtfulness and, more importantly, because it meant she could leave this place.
Back when the Shao family had been implicated, she sent letters home, waiting for her father or elder brother to appear at the Shao residence one morning when she awoke, saying they had come to take her home.
But neither ever came. It was as if she was destined to be a member of the Shao family forever, with no possibility of escape.
She had no travel permit; she could go nowhere. Before her marriage, it was her father and brothers; after marriage, it was her husband. Anyone could decide where she stayed—everyone except herself.
Now, Yu Yeqing standing before her meant more to her than just a man she had feelings for.
Song Hemei took a deep breath to steady herself, then managed to give him a faint smile. "Alright, let's go."
She took his hand and walked back openly.
She had lived in this courtyard for three years, personally tending to every corner. Every path was intimately familiar to her.
But tonight was the last time. After tonight, nothing here would have anything to do with her.
When she counted it up, she didn't have that many belongings. She only took the newly made clothes; jewelry took up little space. She had long since converted whatever funds she could access in the Shao residence into banknotes and tucked them at the bottom of a chest. Altogether, she packed three trunks, and the rest were Chunhui and Suhui's things.
She summoned the Shao servants and ordered them to carry everything to the horse carriage waiting outside the residence.
Just then, Lianzhu, as if sensing something, had tears in his eyes. He was held back by the maidservant and couldn't run to her, but he kept calling out, "Mother."
His voice was soft, mingled with the sounds of people coming and going, yet Song Hemei heard it clearly.
With her back to him, at a moment like this, she dared not even steal one more glance. She had taken a few steps outside with Yu Yeqing when Lianzhu's cries grew even more sorrowful: "Mother, where are you going?"
Song Hemei's steps felt as if they were bound. She wanted to move forward, but her feet refused to obey.
She resigned herself to the thought—soft-heartedness was truly fatal.
Even a cat or dog raised for three years would be hard to part with, let alone a clingy child?
She squeezed Yu Yeqing's hand, then let go of him. She turned and walked toward Lianzhu, crouching slowly before him.
The little boy's eyes were red from crying, his face so flushed it was nearly purple. She reached out and gently brushed his cheek, just as she had done for the past three years. "Stop crying."
Lianzhu obediently choked back his sobs, trying as hard as he could to hold back the tears. But a child his age already understood what separation meant. No matter how he tried to endure it, the sadness was impossible to hide.
This made Song Hemei's throat feel tight. She pinched his cheek firmly. "You need to be sensible, but don't listen to everything your grandmother and father say. When you grow up and learn to read and write, if you still remember me, write to the Song family. In Changzhou, it's the first house on the east side of the city."
Lianzhu's tears, as large as beans, fell straight to the ground. His speech was already clumsy, and now he couldn't even form a complete sentence.
Song Hemei hardened her heart and stood up. She instructed the maidservant, "Take him back. After he's done crying, don't let him go to sleep right away—it's bad for his health."
The maidservant hurriedly acknowledged the order. Song Hemei turned around without looking at Lianzhu again. She walked quickly back and took Yu Yeqing's hand, rushing to the covered corridor. Only when she could no longer hear Lianzhu's cries did she let out a silent sigh.
"If you really can't bear to part with him, we can take him with us."
Yu Yeqing suddenly spoke, but it didn't sound like mere comfort—it seemed as though he genuinely meant it.
Song Hemei suppressed the surging reluctance in her heart and gave him an odd look. "That's the Shao family's child. Why would I take him away? Besides, he's the only bloodline of the Shao family. If I really took him, they'd truly fight you to the death over it."
But Yu Yeqing's deep eyes held a different meaning. He was unusually calm. "If you want it, I'll find a way for you."
He didn't elaborate, but Song Hemei inexplicably felt a chill creep down her spine.
It was the first time she had sensed this from Yu Yeqing—as if, once she gave the word, those sinister schemes that seemed so distant to her could be silently executed to get her what she wanted.
But she shook her head and hugged his arm tightly. "Don't talk nonsense. There's nothing I want. Parting always hurts; give it some time, and it'll pass. Either he'll forget me first, or I'll forget him first. There's no need to take him away. I'm not that kind-hearted to raise another woman's son."
She looked at the path ahead and muttered under her breath, "Besides, I'm not that fond of children. If I really want one, I'll have my own then."
She said it without thinking, but to Yu Yeqing, it stirred a ripple in his heart.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he let her pull him along, but he felt that this moment was beautiful—as if he had received some unspoken permission.
They walked all the way to the gate. Just as they were about to leave through the side door, before they could cross the moon-gate arch, someone called out to her: "Mei'er!"
That voice seemed to carry countless twists and turns, but as soon as she recognized who it belonged to, she immediately frowned.
Song Hemei did not want to respond. Without turning her head, she continued forward. But Shao Wen'ang's voice clung to her like seaweed. "Mei'er, won't you even listen to a few words from me?"
No, she really didn't want to. Yet she still stopped.
There was something she had to say to him.
She had originally thought to just let it go, but since she was leaving, she couldn't help herself. She released Yu Yeqing's hand. "Wait for me a moment."
She turned and walked toward Shao Wen'ang. The man before her was filthy and disheveled, nothing like his usual refined and composed appearance.
Song Hemei stood in front of him, her eyes icy cold.
The youthful love she had once felt had long turned into stale, rotten sesame seeds and millet. One more word about it disgusted her. It was a page of her life stained by foul ink.
Three years of a hollow marriage, pretending to be husband and wife, had been a quagmire trapping her. The days of being slowly bled by a dull blade had left her without even the spirit to curse.
But there was one thing that still chafed her heart.
"Do you still remember Cao Lingchun? She's been dead for three years."
Song Hemei's voice was cold beyond words in the stillness of the night. Though it was the summer heat, hearing it felt like the biting chill of late autumn.
Shao Wen'ang swallowed, cold sweat beading on his forehead.
"I don't know if she was your first woman, but she was with you for five years. She once told me she truly loved you. When you injured yourself, she was so grateful that she could keep a child for you… Even on the day she died, she went willingly."
The bloodshed of that night had haunted Song Hemei like a ghost for a long time. But kindness is the most heartless thing—wherever it lands, it bullies whoever has it.
Because of Cao Lingchun's dying entreaty, she had lain awake many nights, and whenever she recalled it, she felt the smell of blood everywhere, the cold white scissors and the blinding firelight mixed with thick smoke surging toward her.
And Shao Wen'ang? He had forgotten the woman completely.
This person who had risked her life to preserve his bloodline, who had eyes only for him—after her death, she could not leave even the faintest trace in his heart.
"You didn't know your own limits, wandering freely into those filthy places. You don't have to apologize for wallowing in your own indulgence, but have you ever thought about Lianzhu? He is your son. He is only three years old now. Do you realize that after today's affair, he will likely be gossiped about for most of his life because of you? Who have you been fair to? Aren't you afraid that Cao Lingchun will come to you in the middle of the night and demand an explanation?"
Shao Wen'ang had already been worn down by a day and a night of turmoil, his face pale. At her words, he felt a cold shiver run down his spine and instinctively took two steps back.
"I—I was just in a bad mood, so I—"
Song Hemei cut him off coldly. "You don't need to explain to me. Save those words to explain to Cao Lingchun when you meet her in your dreams. I have one more thing to ask you."
She looked up and met his eyes directly. "The farmland you promised me—is it still valid?"
Shao Wen'ang seemed taken aback that she would bring that up. A bitter smile appeared on his face. "We grew up together, shared three years as husband and wife, and this is all you care about?"
"If you could promise me more, I would care about more."
A man who had never truly managed a household couldn't handle such provocation. He shook his head bitterly. "Of course it's still valid. If you want anything else from the Shao family—"
"Wen'ang!"
Madam Zhang suddenly interrupted him. Her face was dark and gloomy. She glanced at Song Hemei but, in front of Yu Yeqing, could not say much. She only said, "It's late. Don't say more and delay Lord Yu's journey."
Shao Wen'ang, with his self-proclaimed deep feelings, looked reluctant, as if they were star-crossed lovers being torn apart. But Song Hemei had no intention of playing the weaver girl to his cowherd. She turned around, took Yu Yeqing's hand, and walked out of the residence, leaving everything behind her.
Outside the residence, there were two carriages. One was for Chunhui and Suhui to ride in; the trunks and belongings were placed there. Song Hemei stepped onto the other empty carriage first.
Yu Yeqing followed closely behind. The driver was not from the Shao household and knew where they were going. Once everyone was settled, he immediately urged the horse forward.
As the carriage swayed, Yu Yeqing pulled Song Hemei tightly into his arms.
His voice came, muffled against her neck: "I thought you had changed your mind."
Song Hemei withdrew her thoughts from the gloom. "What did you say?"
"Just now, when you let go of me, I thought you were going to go back……"
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