Chapter 118
It turned out she still couldn't understand Gu Ximian's thoughts sometimes.
Zhuang Chi had fallen into confusion halfway through listening. She only had a partial understanding of marking, so when she heard Gu Ximian say one couldn't resist the person who marked them, she was startled herself. She thought, no wonder Gu Ximian hated permanent marks; of course, she couldn't do that to her. But before she could say anything, she heard the second half of Gu Ximian's words. While she was stunned, her suppression collar was removed in a moment of distraction. And after Gu Ximian took off hers, she went to take off her own, then casually tossed the two bands aside, who knows where.
…She was like this during the last susceptible period, why does she always toss this thing around so carelessly! Zhuang Chi's gaze subconsciously followed their parabolic arc, but before she could see where they landed, Gu Ximian turned her head straight and immediately pushed her by the shoulders, making her fall back onto the sofa.
The force on her shoulders was very light, but the pheromones that washed over her were dense and unapologetic. Zhuang Chi could almost feel her gland instantly heat up. Her mind went blank for a moment, and when she came to, she was already half-lying on the sofa. Gu Ximian had leaned in as well, half-lying in her arms, looking down at her.
Flustered by the sudden intimacy of their proximity, Zhuang Chi subconsciously raised a hand to wrap around Gu Ximian's waist, but before she could touch her, she heard Gu Ximian's voice. It was cool and clear, resounding like jade hitting the floor: “You're not allowed to hold me.”
Zhuang Chi's hand stopped dead in mid-air. Then, Gu Ximian nonchalantly pressed it down, moved closer to look directly into her eyes, and added softly, “Until I say you can, you are not allowed to touch me proactively. Do you understand?”
In truth, only her words were as cold as a command. Zhuang Chi didn't feel any external pressure; rather, Gu Ximian's thickening pheromones only served to stir her, making her increasingly restless. The desire to hold her tightly in her arms swelled like a rising tide. But Zhuang Chi looked into Gu Ximian's eyes. Those distinctly black and white eyes held many unspoken words, making Zhuang Chi suddenly realize the reason for Gu Ximian's abrupt actions—she was “teaching” her.
…After an Omega is marked, they can't defy an Alpha's command like this, can they?
As Zhuang Chi thought this, she suddenly felt sad. But she didn't have much time to dwell on this emotion, because Gu Ximian was already pressing against her. Their chests and stomachs were pressed tightly together, and the unintentional friction created a scorching heat. Gu Ximian buried her head in Zhuang Chi's neck and directly kissed her unguarded gland.
It was too sudden. It almost made her cry out. Zhuang Chi bit her lower lip hard to suppress the sound, but it wasn't time to relax yet. Gu Ximian clearly didn't intend to stop at a single kiss. She lingered there. During the susceptible period, one's senses became more delicate and sharp. Zhuang Chi could clearly feel a soft tongue and lips sliding over her gland—just like when she had slightly lost control while giving Gu Ximian a temporary mark. Gu Ximian was a smart student; she had learned very well.
And for Zhuang Chi, every touch was a new tremor. Unfamiliar sensations surged continuously, and the emotions stirred up gradually became chaotic. She was well aware that her hands were free. If she wanted to, she could push Gu Ximian away at any time, ending this ambiguous and unbearable intimacy, or she could hold her tight and do something even more out of line—
…But. Amidst the chaos, Zhuang Chi thought sluggishly, but, Gu Ximian had said, until she said it was okay, she was not allowed to touch her proactively.
So she clenched her fists tightly and did nothing, only shrinking back unbearably when the stimulation felt like too much, but there was nowhere to hide. Zhuang Chi worried her pheromones would run rampant if this continued. She tried to suppress them, but Gu Ximian quickly noticed. The person nestled in her neck lifted her head slightly, this time to kiss her earlobe, her voice coming out soft and gentle: “I can't smell them anymore, release a little more…”
That was complete nonsense. It was already very difficult for Zhuang Chi to suppress them even a little; she was nowhere near the point of being able to completely control her pheromones from being released. Gu Ximian's words were undoubtedly adding fuel to the fire, causing her to stiffen. Her pheromones began to lose control again, and she heard a light chuckle from Gu Ximian by her ear, likely expressing satisfaction.
Right now, Zhuang Chi had little room to consider anything else, because opposite her, she could smell Gu Ximian's pheromones growing stronger. The cool fragrance she smelled became more and more potent, as if weaving an invisible net that tightened around her at its center. In the past, Gu Ximian had never released pheromones of this intensity. Zhuang Chi knew in her heart that it would probably be bad if she kept smelling them, yet her body couldn't help but want to smell more. Reason and emotion warred within her. Helplessly, she called out in a trembling voice, “Gu Ximian…”
Gu Ximian lifted her head at the sound, seeming to subconsciously want to get closer, but she was blocked by the bite guard. Zhuang Chi couldn't say whether she felt disappointed or relieved. She forced herself to think that this was good; at least with this layer of protection, Gu Ximian could be more at ease.
But Gu Ximian didn't seem to think so. She watched quietly for a moment, then reached out to stroke Zhuang Chi's cheek—most of it was covered by the leather part of the bite guard, preventing her from touching it or seeing Zhuang Chi's expression. She could only glimpse a bit of dazed unease in those moist eyes.
“…This,” Gu Ximian said, lightly tapping the metal cage part, “is a bit in the way, isn't it?”
Realizing what she was about to say, Zhuang Chi's eyes widened slightly. As expected, she heard Gu Ximian speak in a gentle voice, “Shall we take it off?”
It sounded like she was asking for her opinion, but Gu Ximian's hands had already found and pressed two of the clasps. As long as Zhuang Chi pressed the third one, the bite guard would come off.
But Zhuang Chi didn't move. She looked directly at Gu Ximian, her sluggish mind uncertain whether taking it off now was the right choice, or what Gu Ximian was thinking by doing this. Every breath was filled with an intoxicating scent that made her heartbeat and breathing quicken in sync. She knew Gu Ximian could surely hear it, because Gu Ximian's heartbeat was transmitted to her just the same. But the other person's face showed nothing of it. She just looked at her with a calm expression, and after a long stalemate, she slowly spoke, “What's wrong? Are you afraid that after taking it off… you won't be able to resist biting me?”
She said “bite,” but both of them knew full well what it actually referred to. Zhuang Chi's jaw ached slightly. She clenched it tightly, but when she looked at Gu Ximian, her gaze couldn't help but want to fall on her neck. She forced it to stop and exhaled deeply.
Zhuang Chi silently shook her head, raised her hand, and pressed the third clasp. The bite guard that had restrained her for so long clicked open.
She didn't speak, so Gu Ximian wasn't quite sure what her headshake meant, but her attention was drawn to the loosening of the bite guard. She took it off and tossed it aside, feeling a sliver of satisfaction upon finally seeing Zhuang Chi's full face. And Zhuang Chi lowered her head slightly. Perhaps from enduring too much, Gu Ximian saw that the corners of her eyes were faintly red, a pitiful look like she had been bullied severely. A physiological mist welled up in her eyes, sticking her thick eyelashes together, which drooped low and obediently like damp raven feathers.
Such an obedient look. A good doggy wouldn't think of biting on its own after the bite guard is removed. Gu Ximian reached out and gently stroked Zhuang Chi's damp eyelashes, then moved down to rub the faint marks left by the leather on her cheek. A pity, she thought, that Zhuang Chi had met someone who always wanted to provoke her.
Imperceptibly releasing more pheromones, it was only at times like this that Gu Ximian could truly feel the convenience of being an S-class Omega. She watched Zhuang Chi's suddenly flustered eyes as she stiffly turned her head to the side, clearly trying to hide. But whether it was her increasingly rapid breathing or her flushed skin, everything revealed that she was aroused.
Watching her like this, Gu Ximian suddenly felt as if her and Zhuang Chi's roles had been reversed. She was indeed doing what most Alphas in this world were willing to do—using pheromones to forcefully suppress the opposite sex. After trying it, Gu Ximian found that she could somewhat understand why Alphas liked to do this. An unspeakable, base possessiveness was indeed satisfied to a great extent. She couldn't help but think repeatedly: Zhuang Chi must be thinking of nothing but me right now.
However, Gu Ximian was also very clear that no matter how much Zhuang Chi's reaction resembled that of a threatened Omega, in reality, she still fully retained the ability to break free or even suppress her in return. No matter what, according to the rules of this world, an Omega's pheromones would always be more of an attractant than a deterrent to an Alpha. Which meant… the one truly suppressing Zhuang Chi wasn't Gu Ximian, but herself.
So obedient. She said not to touch, and she really didn't touch, Gu Ximian thought. Her hands were already wrinkling the sofa fabric in her struggle to hold back. Since she could endure so much, perhaps she deserved a little reward.
Perhaps already affected by their intertwined pheromones, Gu Ximian's mind felt a little light-headed. She slowly moved closer to Zhuang Chi, until their noses were almost touching. Every breath was filled with Zhuang Chi's scent. Gu Ximian murmured, “What do you want to do right now?”
She felt Zhuang Chi's hand, hanging by her side, twitch subconsciously, but it was quickly restrained. Gu Ximian looked at those clear eyes that had become dazed, and coaxingly softened her voice, “Anything is fine. Say it. Tell me properly.”
Zhuang Chi's gaze flickered away, but Gu Ximian wouldn't let her hide. She hooked her chin and made her look back. Zhuang Chi quickly lost the battle. Gu Ximian watched as her whole person turned a pitiful red from shyness. Finally, she gave up struggling and said in a tiny voice, “…I want to kiss you.”
Her mind flickered for a moment. Gu Ximian seemed to see the Zhuang Chi from her first susceptible period. Back then, she had been just like this, shy and at a loss, saying things like “I still want to kiss you.” To this day, they had become lovers and had shared many real kisses, yet how could this person still only think of this… and still be shy about it.
She didn't know whether to say Zhuang Chi was too innocent or what. But regardless of whether Zhuang Chi was still the same as before, at least her own state of mind was completely different from back then. Gu Ximian sighed softly, obligingly moved closer, and pressed her lips to Zhuang Chi's. Maintaining this position, she whispered just before Zhuang Chi could make a move, “Don't move.”
The current Gu Ximian wasn't being very reasonable. She wrapped her arms around Zhuang Chi's neck and kissed her wetly, tangling their breaths until they were a complete mess. She kissed the obedient Alpha who didn't move carelessly until her eyes were red, then moved all the way down, following the impulse in her heart to bite down on Zhuang Chi's gland. Her canines indeed applied a little force on the skin, only pulling back when she heard Zhuang Chi's sharp intake of breath.
“…And now?”
Gu Ximian said, looking at Zhuang Chi, and asked again, “What do you want to do?”
Zhuang Chi didn't speak. She bit her lower lip tightly, her body tense, but her gaze was slightly unfocused. Gu Ximian knew this was probably a sign that she was reaching her limit. She exhaled lightly, pressing down on her wildly beating heart, and nonchalantly threw a straight ball: “Do you want to mark me?”
The moment her words fell, they elicited a violent reaction from Zhuang Chi—she forcefully turned her head in the opposite direction, an unthinking resistance. But Gu Ximian wasn't satisfied with this. She didn't intend to let Zhuang Chi hide, and firmly held her face to make her turn back, murmuring, “If you mark me, you can retaliate for everything I just did. All the ‘you're not allowed to do this’ and ‘you're not allowed to do that’ will be null and void. It will all be up to you.”
Gu Ximian's voice was very calm, stating it as if it were a fact: “You can do whatever you want to me… you can make me do whatever you want.”
—I will be unable to defy your serious commands. I will have no choice but to listen to you. You could even disregard my wishes. No matter how unspeakable the matter, as long as you want it, I won't be able to say no to you.
Perhaps the situation in this world wasn't as unbearable as Gu Ximian imagined most of the time, but fundamentally, Alphas possessed a natural advantage that restrained Omegas. And what was more tragic was that this was a dual physical and psychological suppression that became more and more ingrained over time. Even if a marked Omega grew to be outstanding and powerful in the future, as long as the Alpha who marked her was a bastard, she was destined to have a hard time escaping her prison. It was like tying a baby elephant to a stake it couldn't yet break free from. After it got used to it, even when the elephant grew up and had enough strength to break the stake, it would still become quiet when tied to it.
But what power did that stake have? Gu Ximian had once wondered. What was it that truly bound it?
“…As long as you bite down.”
Gu Ximian wrapped her arm around Zhuang Chi's neck, helped her sit up straight on the sofa, and then pressed her towards the side with her gland. Then she closed her eyes and said softly, “I will… become an Omega that belongs only to you.”
It couldn't be said that she was putting on a brave front, nor was it a compromise. Gu Ximian just felt that if she had to make a choice, she would choose to bear this risk, choose to stay by Zhuang Chi's side. If she had to find a reason, it was that Gu Ximian knew very well that if she and Zhuang Chi were to switch places, if she were the Alpha, she would bite down on Zhuang Chi's gland. Because she had the confidence that she would never rely on pheromone suppression to hurt Zhuang Chi… whatever the case, she would undoubtedly mark Zhuang Chi. Gu Ximian was very clear on this point.
So now, she wouldn't shy away from Zhuang Chi's mark either. Gu Ximian knew she had provoked her too much and had already removed Zhuang Chi's bite guard. Being bitten next was almost a matter of course—
She had clearly prepared herself mentally for this, but the expected stinging pain of a bite never came. Zhuang Chi, held by her neck, remained quiet for a long time. When she finally moved, it wasn't to bite down, but to push herself up on the sofa and slowly pull back a little.
This small movement seemed to have exhausted all her strength. Gu Ximian watched as Zhuang Chi lowered her head as if completely spent, letting their foreheads touch.
“…Why are you so scared, Gu Ximian,” she said softly, her voice slightly hoarse but gentle enough, “It's okay, don't be afraid.”
Scared? Gu Ximian thought vaguely, was I scared? How could that be… how could that be? I shouldn't be—
Her train of thought was temporarily interrupted here because she smelled the faint scent of blood. Gu Ximian's eyes widened slightly. She suddenly looked at Zhuang Chi, at her tightly pressed lips. “Zhuang Chi, you…”
“I only bit it a little, it's not serious.”
Zhuang Chi licked the wound in her mouth. She hadn't had time to pay attention to it just now, and only now discovered that her tongue seemed to have been slightly affected as well. It was a close call; she had managed to pull back her strength in time when she felt the pain, so she hadn't bitten too deeply. This allowed her to maintain her teetering sanity. She swallowed the blood whole and looked at the somewhat flustered Gu Ximian.
“Gu Ximian,” Zhuang Chi said slowly, her forehead still against Gu Ximian's, “you want me to mark you, but you're afraid of being suppressed, of losing control of yourself, right?”
Gu Ximian couldn't speak, her throat felt tight and uncomfortable as if something was stuck in it. And Zhuang Chi looked at her as if she had already gotten the answer she wanted. Her clear, gentle eyes lowered in self-reproach as she said softly, “I will always listen to you. Will that make you feel a little more at ease?”
“Or maybe… I'll ask you first before I do anything from now on, okay?” She was also clearly at a loss for what to do, speaking clumsily and ramblingly, “I won't speak to you in a commanding tone, Gu Ximian, and I won't use my pheromones to suppress you, I…”
Zhuang Chi paused for a long while, ultimately looking at Gu Ximian, still at a loss. She was in her susceptible period, and it was hard to suppress her surging emotions. The moisture in her eyes welled up instantly. “…I won't ask you to become an Omega that belongs only to me. You can do whatever you want, become whatever kind of person you want to be. Just continue being the free Gu Ximian. I will never… become your obstacle.”
Gu Ximian looked at her, at the Alpha with red eyes who looked like she was about to cry any second. Inopportunely, she thought of that question again: what power did that stake have?
In the end, the world generally called that a kind of love. It was greed, it was possession, it was an insatiable restlessness that clamored on forever unless one completely and utterly possessed the other person. Gu Ximian had always scoffed at this before, but she understood. She understood that such a form of love did exist, which in turn made her even more certain that she perhaps didn't need love that much.
And now she suddenly understood. There was another form of love in this world. Perhaps it was even greater than desperately wanting to possess the other person.
It was not having the heart to. It was being willing to give freedom.
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