Chapter 119
Zhuang Chi actually didn’t know if her words were of any use.
Courtesy of the susceptible period, she could hardly control her own emotions right now. She blamed herself for frightening Gu Ximian, and at the same time, felt a little wronged for not being trusted. The mix of feelings was astringent and bitter, and the moment it surged up, her eyes grew wet.
It seemed her tear ducts were always exceptionally active during her susceptible period. Zhuang Chi didn’t know if it was a matter of her constitution or because every susceptible period she experienced was rather unusual. In any case, no matter how vexed she was, she couldn’t quite control it at the moment. Even the wound on her tongue, which hadn’t seemed like much when she’d just bitten it, was now starting to hurt with exceptional intensity. Gu Ximian hadn’t paid her any mind for a long time, which made her feel even more like nothing was going right. Dejected, she continued to rack her brain for a way to put Gu Ximian at ease.
When the wound started to hurt, its presence became stronger. Zhuang Chi unconsciously rolled her tongue inside her mouth a few times. The taste of blood was mostly gone, but she couldn’t help but frown whenever she brushed against the injury. She instinctively relied on this pain to maintain her clarity of mind during her susceptible period, but just as she was about to touch it again, Gu Ximian suddenly cupped her face, forcefully stopping her movement.
Zhuang Chi looked at her, at a loss. She felt the expression on her face was probably a bit comical and wondered if it might make Gu Ximian smile. But Gu Ximian didn’t smile. Instead, her brow furrowed slightly as she shifted to pinch Zhuang Chi’s chin. “Open your mouth.”
Such concise words. Zhuang Chi obediently opened her mouth and, under Gu Ximian’s direction, showed her the wound. She then heard Gu Ximian suck in a sharp breath, her voice sinking slightly. “Why did you bite yourself? And you keep touching it recklessly, don’t you know it hurts…”
As she spoke, her voice trailed off. Zhuang Chi wanted to comfort her, but in the next moment, Gu Ximian leaned in and kissed her gently. The tip of her tongue carefully, bit by bit, soothed the wound. As their lips and tongues met, she murmured, “Does it hurt… Zhuang Chi… Don’t let it hurt anymore…”
Her tone was light and soft, coaxing with every word.
So gentle, yet it shook her heart more than the intense actions from before. Zhuang Chi subconsciously wanted to kiss back, but then she remembered she hadn’t received Gu Ximian’s permission. For a moment, even this intimacy became unbearable. Fortunately, Gu Ximian quickly noticed her strange state. She pulled back slightly, looked at Zhuang Chi’s red eyes, and after taking some time to even her breathing, said softly, “…You’re so obedient to me.”
Of course. Zhuang Chi hadn’t intended to deceive her with what she said earlier; it was entirely from the bottom of her heart, and she was prepared to follow through with it. Gu Ximian watched her for a long moment before continuing, “Then I’ll say this now: you’re not allowed to touch the wound again. And you’re not allowed to bite yourself ever again.”
Everything she said was perfectly reasonable, so Zhuang Chi didn’t dare to touch it again and nodded obediently. However, she noticed that Gu Ximian didn’t seem to be finished speaking. Those beautiful eyes of hers were now faintly shimmering, like water-colored glass washed by a clear spring, and an indescribable fire seemed to burn within them. A single glance made Zhuang Chi’s heart pound, searing its way to the bottom of her heart like a wildfire.
She unconsciously held her breath, waiting for Gu Ximian’s next words. But Gu Ximian looked at her deeply for a long time, as if she wanted to say something but hesitated. In the end, she was the first to look away, blinking stiffly as if a little uncomfortable.
“…I haven’t showered yet.”
It was unclear if she was talking to Zhuang Chi or to herself. Her next sentence, however, was definitely directed at Zhuang Chi. “You haven’t either, right? Can you manage to shower by yourself?”
How could she not! She was in her susceptible period, not drunk! Zhuang Chi nodded her head vigorously in fright. Gu Ximian said no more, silently stood up, and reached out to pull up the bewildered Zhuang Chi, who was still looking at her.
“After you’re done showering…”
Her voice was soft, but it landed heavily in Zhuang Chi’s heart.
“…come to my room.”
In a daze, Zhuang Chi finished her shower. She dawdled while blow-drying her hair—which was actually quite unpleasant for her, since she was already hot enough without the warm air. After making sure everything was in order, she fell into deep thought.
At this hour… although it seemed a bit early for bed, it was late at night, the two of them would be alone in Gu Ximian’s room, and she was still in her susceptible period…
No matter how she thought about it, it seemed like something was bound to happen. Zhuang Chi thought helplessly. And, what exactly was Gu Ximian thinking right now? She still hadn’t received a direct response after her earlier speech…
But no matter what, despite her hesitation, she had to go. After all, Gu Ximian had been the one to invite her. Zhuang Chi walked apprehensively to Gu Ximian’s door and knocked. After receiving an affirmative response, she carefully pushed the door open and saw Gu Ximian sitting quietly on the edge of the bed. The moment Zhuang Chi looked up, she met her deep, ink-black eyes.
Her heart skipped a beat, and she subconsciously lowered her gaze, only to see that Gu Ximian’s light white nightgown only reached a little below her knees, revealing long, straight calves that were almost dazzlingly white. Zhuang Chi glanced at them briefly before turning her head away, but the image remained clearly imprinted in her mind.
…This is really bad. Zhuang Chi thought. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen it before, but it was only during her susceptible period that she couldn’t help but think such messy thoughts…
Her thoughts had been thrown into chaos the moment she entered. Zhuang Chi was still standing by the door, so she soon heard Gu Ximian’s voice, “Why don’t you come over?”
As if hearing a Siren’s call, Zhuang Chi obediently walked over, her mind chaotically wondering what she was supposed to do. Gu Ximian’s room was filled with her scent; a few more whiffs would make her feel light-headed and dizzy. Her body was well soothed, but her mind bore an even greater burden. By the time she realized it, she was already sitting beside Gu Ximian. The soft mattress sank a little, and the slight creak it made was enough to make one shudder at this moment.
The premonition that something was about to happen was extremely strong. Zhuang Chi’s throat felt dry, and the thought of using the excuse of getting a drink of water to escape and take a few deep breaths to calm down repeatedly popped into her head. Therefore, when she heard Gu Ximian call her name, she practically jumped, her voice changing pitch due to nervousness. This, in turn, amused Gu Ximian, who turned to look at her. “Are you nervous?”
Without thinking, Zhuang Chi nodded heavily, being exceptionally honest. Gu Ximian watched her, chuckled lightly, and said in a low voice, “Actually, me too.”
Before Zhuang Chi could react, and as if not giving herself any more time to think, Gu Ximian took a deep breath and half-turned her body toward Zhuang Chi.
“You said earlier that you would always be very obedient to me.” She looked at Zhuang Chi, her gaze traveling from her eyes to her lips, before forcing herself to look back at her eyes instead of continuing downward. Gu Ximian knew the tips of her ears, hidden beneath her hair, had long since turned red, because the heat was so obvious it burned her to the point that she could barely keep her voice steady. “…But for what I’m about to say, you don’t need to be ‘obedient.’ I want you to think carefully, and then answer me from your heart.”
Gu Ximian paused, then got to the point. “Regarding me wanting you to mark me, what you said was right.”
“It seems I really am a little bit afraid. The fear of the unknown is easily magnified, and a mark isn’t something you can easily take back. I would wonder… if you would one day become the stake that pins me to the spot.”
“I’m sorry. I know this is a form of distrust towards you. It might have started even earlier. I just couldn’t believe… couldn’t believe that you could really resist marking me.”
“—But all of that is over now.”
As Gu Ximian spoke, she slowly reached out and covered Zhuang Chi’s hand with her own, saying softly, “It’s enough, Zhuang Chi. It’s already enough.”
“Let’s give it a try, Zhuang Chi,” her voice trembled slightly. Gu Ximian bit her lower lip and then released it. Despite all the intimate things they had just done, she was now nervous because of a single sentence. “I choose to trust you, so…”
“Tonight… don’t go back to your room,” Gu Ximian held her breath, her voice almost inaudible. “Okay?”
A single second of silence in the room felt like a century had passed. In that century, Gu Ximian had a thousand regrets, but none were about making this decision. Was that too blunt? Will it scare Zhuang Chi? Her mind was filled with such thoughts, as if her world had frozen, only to start flowing again when she heard Zhuang Chi’s voice.
She said, okay.
The lights were dimmed, but not turned off completely.
So Zhuang Chi could see. She saw how Gu Ximian half-lay on the bed, hesitantly raising a hand to the collar of her nightgown. With a flick and a fold of her slender fingers, she undid a button, revealing a hint of the porcelain-like skin hidden beneath.
Her eyes and heart were seared by that patch of white. Zhuang Chi’s first reaction was still to turn her head away, but Gu Ximian reached out and grabbed her sleeve. She instantly lost her balance and stumbled onto the bed, ending up in an ambiguous and intimate position, half-enveloping Gu Ximian in her arms.
Gu Ximian only pulled her over but didn’t say anything. Zhuang Chi’s heart was pounding as if it would burst out of her chest. An Alpha who had been given permission had no restraint to speak of, and even she was no exception. At most, she could only remember to ask, whispering in Gu Ximian’s ear, “…Can I touch you now?”
The person in her arms trembled slightly and answered softly, “You can.”
Zhuang Chi then raised her arms and pulled Gu Ximian into her embrace. After suppressing herself for half the day, the satisfaction of finally being able to touch her surged up. She felt an inexplicable urge to cry again, but she held it back. After holding her properly for a long while, she asked again, “Then can I kiss you?”
Gu Ximian bit her lip and turned her head away, her reply even softer. “…You can.”
A new permission. Zhuang Chi approached almost reverently, pecking the corner of Gu Ximian’s lips, which then developed into a real kiss, tangling their breaths into a chaotic mess. She could no longer feel the pain from the wound on her tongue at all. She only felt the world spin, a dizzying, wonderful experience that, once tasted, left one insatiable, wanting more. She pulled back because Gu Ximian ran out of breath first. Zhuang Chi heard her slightly rushed, soft gasps, and every sound seemed to tickle a deep part of her. Her ears were burning hot. In the end, she couldn’t resist leaning in again to steal another kiss, further discomposing the already unsettled Gu Ximian. Then, she murmured against her lips, “Gu Ximian, can I—”
“…Enough,”
Before she could finish, Gu Ximian wrapped her arms around her neck. Zhuang Chi was pulled down onto the bed. She managed to brace herself on the mattress just in time to avoid crushing Gu Ximian, but in the next second, Gu Ximian pulled her down, wanting them to press tightly together, leaving no space between them.
“Stop asking…” The voice in her ear was impossibly soft. Gu Ximian was telling her, “…You can do whatever you want.”
Words lost their meaning at this moment. Zhuang Chi heard the final permission.
For an Alpha in their susceptible period, these words were like the key that unlocked a beast’s cage. Even Zhuang Chi was dazed for a moment. But the lover who had given her permission just laughed softly. Her slightly disheveled hair couldn’t hide the crimson at the corners of her eyes. A single glance from her held an indescribable, enchanting charm. And in those eyes, besides endless affection, there was also a distinct, confident slyness. She knew what would happen when she said those words, but she said them anyway. What was the source of her confidence in this deliberate act? It was all written in her eyes.
Because you love me. So I know you won’t, you can’t bear to, you don’t have the heart to do anything that would hurt me.
She was willing to pause in her flight and rest in Zhuang Chi’s palm, and in exchange, she wanted all of Zhuang Chi’s love.
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