Chapter 60
This arcade was very large. Zhuang Chi and Gu Ximian found a relatively quiet corner inside and stood there.
Holding the carbonated drink in her mouth was like eating a mouthful of popping candy; it wasn't a suitable beverage for deep thought. Zhuang Chi swallowed slowly, still unsure why Gu Ximian had so suddenly and formally sought her out for a “chat.”
...Could it still be about the school jacket? Zhuang Chi blinked nervously. No one had mentioned it since they watched the recording together. Even after Zhuang Chi later confirmed with An Chen that Gu Ximian's information was incorrect, she didn't know how to explain it. How could she even bring it up? She couldn't just say, “You were wrong, it's not something only partners do,” could she? It would sound like she was making excuses for her own ulterior motives.
Speaking of which, although the reason was unclear, hadn't Gu Ximian been a little unhappy earlier? Was this related to that? Zhuang Chi's heart pounded. Gu Ximian, however, just stood there quietly drinking her beverage, showing no intention of speaking. So, Zhuang Chi had no choice but to brace herself and speak first. “...Is there something you wanted to see me about?”
“...” Gu Ximian nonchalantly lowered the can from her lips and gave an unrelated answer, “Actually, I wanted to find you earlier, but you were always with someone, so I didn't come over.”
Zhuang Chi quickly racked her brain and figured Gu Ximian must be referring to the time Lou Che had pulled her away to play the racing game. But that hadn't lasted long at all. Which meant... what the heck, had Gu Ximian wanted to find her from the very beginning?
Finding this stranger and stranger, Zhuang Chi blinked and explained first, “...I just played a round of racing with Lou Che. He's pretty good.”
“Mm,” Gu Ximian replied crisply, clearly aware of it, but her tone seemed to hold a deeper meaning. “He is indeed pretty good.”
Feeling like there was a hidden meaning in her words, Zhuang Chi looked at Gu Ximian in confusion. But the other girl didn't continue. Instead, she watched her quietly for a long moment, only speaking softly when Zhuang Chi began to feel uncomfortable. “I want to talk about what happened earlier with the Presidium.”
Ah, this wasn't good. Zhuang Chi tensed, immediately realizing it probably wouldn't be an easy question to answer. Sure enough, she then heard Gu Ximian ask, “...When Lou Che came and told me to ‘try dating him,’ what were you thinking?”
Everyone else's feelings had been plain to see. Only Zhuang Chi's were unreadable to Gu Ximian.
Upon hearing Lou Che's proposal, Gu Ximian had subconsciously looked at Zhuang Chi before giving an answer. At that moment, the person in question, who had just been relentlessly pursued by Lou Che, was frowning slightly. It seemed she wasn't aware of it, because after a moment, she blinked as if waking from a dream, barely managing to smooth her brow. A complex expression, a mixture of astonishment and bewilderment, appeared on her delicate face.
It was a terrible thought, but for a fleeting moment, Gu Ximian had indeed wanted to impulsively agree to Lou Che's proposal, just to see Zhuang Chi's reaction.
Fortunately, she managed to suppress this strange feeling in time, but it was enough to make her realize her own abnormality—Gu Ximian found that she was paying far too much attention to Zhuang Chi's emotional state.
From the moment she saw the recording until now, it had been getting worse day by day. This concern would always leap out from the depths of her mind to assert its presence whenever she saw Zhuang Chi. And yet, the key person, Zhuang Chi, was just the same as always, at most showing a little bewilderment at Gu Ximian's mood swings, as if the previous incident hadn't affected her at all. The more Gu Ximian watched, the more sullen she felt, and the more bewildered Zhuang Chi became. It was a textbook vicious cycle.
Zhuang Chi probably likes her, right? Gu Ximian thought. That wasn't unusual; an Alpha around her who didn't like her was the exception—like Olivia. And most of them never said it to her face. Among the main people around her, besides Lou Che, everyone else kept it hidden. So why was she so particularly focused on Zhuang Chi?
Gu Ximian couldn't figure out her own thoughts, but she felt agitated by the current unequal emotional entanglement between them. She had ultimately rejected Lou Che, but she kept the whole affair in the back of her mind. Now that she finally had a moment alone with Zhuang Chi to ask, Gu Ximian was not surprised to see a trace of embarrassment appear on her face as she asked back, “...Why are you suddenly asking this?”
Why. Gu Ximian thought. Such a casual question. She herself had already thought about it countless times. If only she knew where this desire to get to the bottom of things came from, then—
...How infuriating. This person, Zhuang Chi, throwing others' feelings into turmoil while remaining completely oblivious, and with such an innocent look in her eyes.
“...I was just a little curious,” Gu Ximian finally replied. She couldn't completely suppress the sudden vexation in her heart. She didn't even know what she was fighting for; she just desperately wanted to appear nonchalant, as if she were just mentioning it casually. This led her to blurt out a completely inappropriate excuse. “I guess I wanted to get a grasp on the direction of the emotional storyline as it's developed so far. Everyone else is pretty obvious, so...”
She was talking utter nonsense.
Gu Ximian quickly found she couldn't continue. She belatedly realized what she was saying and frowned in frustration. Those words, which sounded like she was treating the other person like an NPC, shouldn't have been used even if she couldn't find an excuse... It was too awful.
Annoyed with herself, she shook her head slightly, wanting to apologize to Zhuang Chi, but she heard an answer first.
“I was worried that it wouldn't be good if you just agreed like that. Matters of the heart, I feel, need to be treated seriously.”
Zhuang Chi's voice was calm, but it made Gu Ximian's heart tighten. She stared fixedly at Zhuang Chi, seeing that her lips, which usually had a soft curve, were now pressed into a thin line, giving them a rare, dull stiffness.
“So rest assured, there's no strange ‘emotional storyline.’” Zhuang Chi raised her eyes, and the gaze that met Gu Ximian's was slightly unfamiliar. The smile on her lips looked somewhat forced to Gu Ximian. “I don't have anyone I like, and I'm not very concerned about the ‘obvious’ emotional states of others. That's my situation now.”
Her clear gaze seemed to implicitly ask, “Is that enough for you to grasp?” causing Gu Ximian to flinch instinctively. She rushed to explain, “I'm sorry, what I said just now... I didn't really think of it that way, I just...”
Just what? Gu Ximian's mind was a blank; she couldn't even find a decent excuse. Zhuang Chi, however, lowered her eyes noncommittally, fell silent for a moment, and then said softly, “...Gu Ximian, what about you.”
“When you heard what Lou Che said,” Zhuang Chi paused, throwing the question back, “what were you thinking at that time?”
She heard the question clearly, but Gu Ximian felt as if her throat was blocked, unable to form a coherent answer. After waiting patiently for a long moment, Zhuang Chi looked at her and asked softly, “...At that time, did you think about agreeing to his offer?”
Her eyes were clear and gentle, and being watched by her like this, Gu Ximian found it impossible to utter the words “I did.”
“I see.” And though Gu Ximian hadn't said a word, Zhuang Chi seemed to have found her answer after studying her for a moment. She lowered her head and murmured, “...You really did think about it.”
Zhuang Chi said no more. This made Gu Ximian panic.
Is she... angry? Gu Ximian thought vaguely, subconsciously tightening her grip on the soda can, its cold surface pressing against her palm. Was Zhuang Chi angry at her?
Zhuang Chi had always been very good-tempered. Gu Ximian knew this well. She had never seen Zhuang Chi angry before, not even when she was injured by Ling Jing's hawk, unilaterally treated as a thorn in the side by An Chen, or spoken to so harshly by Lou Che—not even when she was kidnapped by Lily. Zhuang Chi had never lost her temper, at most offering a helpless, wry smile. She was always gentle and soft, like a gummy bear without any sharp edges, a special Alpha whose easygoing nature would surprise anyone.
...And now, it seemed she had made such a person angry.
Even though Zhuang Chi hadn't said a single harsh word or even raised her voice, Gu Ximian could clearly sense it. It was as if the previously ambiguous distance between them had suddenly been stretched, pulling Zhuang Chi out of a position she could control. And what's more...
‘I don't have anyone I like.’
It was a simple sentence, yet it lingered in her mind, tangling her thoughts into a chaotic mess that she couldn't seem to calm.
What should she do?
Gu Ximian lowered her eyes. She knew she had to explain things quickly, but the words were stuck in her throat, and she didn't know where to begin. The emotions in her chest were too complex; she didn't even realize how utterly at a loss she was.
...What should she do? Zhuang Chi was angry at her.
A long silence fell between them. With different thoughts on their minds, they both drank their beverages without a word.
After being held in the mouth for too long, the fizz of the carbonated soda faded, leaving only a cloyingly sweet sugar water that made one's throat tight. Zhuang Chi slowly finished the last mouthful, holding it in her mouth until it was warm before swallowing, yet she still had the illusion of a chill spreading in her stomach.
She closed her eyes, tightened her grip slightly on the empty can, and took a step away, offering Gu Ximian a faint smile. “I don't see a trash can in here. I'll go look for one outside and throw this away. See you in a bit.”
She didn't intend to wait for Gu Ximian's response. After speaking, she turned to leave, but as she took her first step, her arm was suddenly grabbed. Gu Ximian had caught her from behind, her movements seeming somewhat frantic.
“I'll go with you. I'm finished too,” Gu Ximian said, but Zhuang Chi had clearly heard the sound of liquid sloshing in the can during her sudden movement. It was obviously only half-empty. Noticing her gaze, Gu Ximian hid the can-holding hand behind her back slightly and added in a small voice, “...I'll finish it quickly.”
Zhuang Chi didn't know why Gu Ximian was so nervous right now. Her gaze fell, sweeping over the hand gripping her arm. It was holding on tightly, the sleeve pulled into messy wrinkles, much like Gu Ximian's currently unsettled state of mind.
And why had she herself been so hard-hit by this? Was it because she felt offended by Gu Ximian's overly casual inquiry about her feelings? Or was it shock that Gu Ximian had only treated this as a confirmation of a so-called “emotional storyline”? Or perhaps... was she disappointed that Gu Ximian had actually considered agreeing to Lou Che's proposal?
It was all of these and none of them, a tangled mess.
Zhuang Chi knew in her heart that she had felt a sense of resistance when she heard Lou Che's words. She didn't want Gu Ximian to agree; that much was absolutely true.
At the time, she couldn't be sure why. But now, she suddenly felt a complete lack of interest, as if there was no need for any further confirmation.
Zhuang Chi never understood what Gu Ximian was thinking, and she understood even less how Gu Ximian saw her. What did Gu Ximian take her for? A character in a book? A so-called “Official Pairing”? Or simply a clay doll that could be pried open with a little effort to see what was written inside?
And what exactly did Gu Ximian want to see? She wouldn't explain, and now she wouldn't let her leave.
Zhuang Chi quietly looked at Gu Ximian's hand. Perhaps because her silence had lasted a little too long, Gu Ximian's grip loosened slightly, but she still didn't let go. Instead, her hand slid silently down to Zhuang Chi's wrist, hesitating as if debating whether to take her hand.
It was a peace offering. It seemed very real.
Zhuang Chi wasn't sure how she felt about it. In front of Gu Ximian, she had always been passive. A frown or a lowered gaze from Gu Ximian was always enough to make her change her mind, to think that it was fine to go along with Gu Ximian, that it was much better than making her sad. But now was different. Now, Gu Ximian was the one in the passive position, waiting for her response. And a voice suddenly seemed to appear in Zhuang Chi's ear, her own voice, whispering: she was still angry, and perhaps she should shake off Gu Ximian's hand right now.
—Or take it. Although it was illogical, it wasn't as if that option didn't exist.
...This is insane.
Post a Comment