Chapter 83
The location for treating the addiction was set at Gu Ximian's home.
Zhuang Chi really wanted to object, but she truly had no alternative plans to suggest. They couldn't just get a hotel room, could they? That sounded even worse than going to her home and would easily bring back memories of the susceptible period.
So, she once again followed Gu Ximian back. It hadn't been that long since her last visit. The sight of the familiar living room sofa made Zhuang Chi nervous. The memory of them sitting there together watching the surveillance footage was still vivid. Now, she had to brace herself and sit down again. Her gaze subconsciously flickered to Kuma, still in its usual spot. A wild idea popped into her head: would it be possible to treat her addiction while wearing it? If nothing else, it felt like it could at least serve as a physical restraint…
“Don't think about strange things,” Gu Ximian said, sitting down beside her. She saw through Zhuang Chi's intentions at a glance and rejected the idea. “The first treatment requires physical contact. You've read the instructions, haven't you?”
“…I have.”
Zhuang Chi lowered her head, deflated. The doctor had indeed written that. It said that because the first treatment was a transition, the restrictions were relatively looser. As an Alpha, Zhuang Chi would most likely be unable to resist getting close to Gu Ximian. The doctor had also told Zhuang Chi very seriously: Don't try to forcefully endure it.
She didn't know if the doctor had heard something from Gu Ximian, but in any case, she had repeated this instruction more than once, each time with great solemnity. Zhuang Chi had reluctantly accepted it. Now, after sitting down, she started to feel restless again, and it wasn't just because of this, but also…
“If you've read it, why are you still thinking about wearing the mascot costume? Is it because you don't want to have contact with me? You'll have to endure it. After all, it's for treatment.”
…Also, for some reason, Gu Ximian was clearly in a very bad mood today.
Should it be called a bad mood or a bad state? Or perhaps both? It had reached a point where even Zhuang Chi could easily tell something was troubling her. This was a rare occurrence for Gu Ximian, who was usually adept at hiding her thoughts. It had bothered Zhuang Chi since they met, but Gu Ximian's stone-cold expression had always scared her off. Now, even Gu Ximian's tone had become hard, as if mixed with crushed ice.
This was Gu Ximian. If she wanted to prevent Zhuang Chi from noticing anything was wrong, she should have been able to do it very well. Zhuang Chi thought, so in this situation, either she didn't want to hide it at all, or she had reached a point where she had no energy left to hide it.
“…I don't want to avoid contact with you,” Zhuang Chi decided to explain first before considering these things. She shook her head. “I'm just a little worried. Because the doctor told me not to hold back this time, I'm afraid I might lose control… If I wear that, my movements might be clumsier, and it would be easier for you to control me.”
Gu Ximian listened quietly, then suddenly let out a small laugh and said softly, “…The Kuma costume isn't for that kind of purpose. By your logic, what we need right now is a pair of handcuffs.”
…Her words really did seem to have a hidden barb. Zhuang Chi looked at Gu Ximian hesitantly and finally couldn't help but ask, “…Gu Ximian, are you… in a bad mood? Did something happen?”
“…”
Gu Ximian was silent for a long while, her lips pressed into a tight line, revealing a hint of anxiety. She finally shook her head in semi-resignation, and her entire aura suddenly deflated from its tense state, making her seem somewhat lost and dejected.
“…I'm sorry, I'm not in a good state today,” she said softly, raising a hand to rub her temple. Her voice carried a faint trace of exhaustion. “I don't think I can precisely control my pheromones as instructed right now. Why don't we just ask the doctor to prepare the medicine? I asked before; with my cooperation, it won't take too long.”
This was too unusual for Gu Ximian. Realizing the situation seemed more serious than she had imagined, Zhuang Chi's mind was no longer on the treatment. She moved a little closer to Gu Ximian anxiously, her voice gentle, “What's wrong? Can I help you?”
The very person who was causing her so much distress was asking, “Can I help you?” Gu Ximian thought. Her gaze was so sincere it was infuriating, but damn it, she couldn't help but want to look a little longer.
Ever since she overheard Olivia's confession yesterday, Gu Ximian had been like this. Distraught, unable to calm down no matter what she did. No matter where she forced her thoughts to go, they always ended up back there. She couldn't help but wonder—Olivia's emotions were audible in her voice, pitiable and heart-wrenching. What kind of expression did the silent Zhuang Chi have on her face at that moment?
Unfortunately, her hiding spot wasn't good. Peeking out would have easily exposed her, so she couldn't see. As Gu Ximian's thoughts ran wild, another uncontrollable, absurd idea surfaced: maybe getting exposed wouldn't have been so bad. Perhaps if she had disrupted that confession, her mood would be better now.
But in the end, Gu Ximian couldn't bring herself to do such a thing. No matter how unhappy or distraught she was, she knew it wasn't easy for Olivia to say those words. It required overcoming great timidity, casting aside the fear of the unknown, and letting go of all pride to offer up her heart like that, handing over not just her feelings, but also the power to hurt her.
Such a thing should not be disturbed by an outsider. Especially an outsider who couldn't do the same.
It was hard to figure out what she was angry about. Was it annoyance that someone else had done what she hadn't? Or was it panic over the unknown answer? Many emotions mixed and fermented. Gu Ximian was pulled apart by conflicting thoughts, feeling powerless. She had wanted to see Zhuang Chi since yesterday, barely sleeping all night, but now that she finally saw her, she wanted to run away. And while she cared immensely about the outcome of that confession, she now felt she couldn't bring herself to ask Zhuang Chi about it.
…What right did she have to question her, Gu Ximian thought. Besides, she had been eavesdropping. Not apologizing to Zhuang Chi and Olivia was already bad enough; how could she be so unhappy on her own account, even finding it hard to stop herself from speaking coldly to Zhuang Chi.
Her misplaced temper flared up, pricking Zhuang Chi and herself at the same time. Gu Ximian's chest felt tight and her nose stung. She didn't know what she wanted from Zhuang Chi after saying those words. She'd said she wanted her to leave, yet she knew she would be even more unhappy if Zhuang Chi really left. The only thing she was sure of was this: she definitely couldn't do the treatment properly right now. That much was true.
She would definitely be unable to stop herself from releasing more pheromones.
“…Gu Ximian, you look very pale,”
Gu Ximian didn't respond. Zhuang Chi could only observe her from the outside. She had never seen Gu Ximian like this before. Now, she was both anxious and at a loss for what to do. She made a decision first, “Let's not worry about the treatment today. Do you want to talk to me? If… you're willing to trust me.”
Knowing that if Gu Ximian was unwilling, she wouldn't be able to get anything out of her no matter what, Zhuang Chi gave the choice to Gu Ximian. But the other girl kept her eyes downcast, not looking over. Just when Zhuang Chi thought she might not get a response, she heard her voice, somewhat faint, “You said before that you would always be partial to me, right?”
It was a bit sudden, but Zhuang Chi didn't have time to think and subconsciously nodded first. “Yes.”
Gu Ximian's fingers curled slightly, and her voice seemed to tighten, sounding strained. “…No matter what I do, you promise it will be like this?”
Zhuang Chi thought about it seriously, then nodded again. “Yes.”
With those two words, the emotions that had no outlet surged up wildly. Gu Ximian couldn't suppress them at all. When she came to her senses, she had already pinned Zhuang Chi to the sofa. Zhuang Chi's face was panicked and confused. She was loosely holding Gu Ximian's wrist, but without any force, and with no intention of flipping her over. She just called out softly, at a loss, “…Gu Ximian?”
Gu Ximian looked down at those eyes for a long time, then broke free from Zhuang Chi's grasp and reached for the bandage on Zhuang Chi's neck.
“Don't move.”
She said this as she unwrapped the bandage from Zhuang Chi's gland, layer by layer, revealing a patch of slightly reddish skin. Gu Ximian reached out to touch it. Zhuang Chi instinctively flinched away, but then seemed to remember Gu Ximian telling her not to move, and forced herself to stop, looking at her uneasily.
Gu Ximian paused, but ultimately touched it gently in silence. The gland her fingertips touched was slightly warm, and it quickly grew hot under her caress. Zhuang Chi's injury hadn't fully healed. Although it was much better than when she had just returned—at least it was no longer a patch of lifeless, dark red flesh—it still wasn't completely the same color as the surrounding skin, showing signs of a recent recovery.
When she suffered this injury, Zhuang Chi had been holding her school uniform jacket and had called her name. Gu Ximian thought.
She had long since smelled the clear, bitter scent wafting over. It was strange to say, but smelling an Alpha's pheromones actually made her feel at ease.
Gu Ximian slowly raised her hand and removed her own pheromone blocking collar.
“We still have to continue the treatment. Or do you want to be addicted to me forever?”
—We still have to continue the treatment. It's not every day the doctor finally gives us a treatment method; giving up halfway on the first try is just not right. The addiction was my responsibility in the first place, how can I let you suffer because of my emotions.
“If this continues, your future romantic partner will be unhappy, won't they? Whether it's an Alpha or an Omega… they won't like their partner having this kind of entanglement with someone else.”
—That would cause huge relationship problems, so don't get a romantic partner. You're still addicted to me, aren't you?
“Speaking of which, it might be a little better between two Alphas, right? After all, instinctual possessiveness won't act up. How nice. A blonde, blue-eyed little princess meets the person of her dreams in a foreign land, it's just like the beginning of a fairy tale. Even if they are both Alphas, because it's a fairy tale, as long as she chose the right person, there will surely be a happy ending, right?”
—What about me, who is outside the fairy tale?
“…What about me?”
Gu Ximian spoke softly, leaning down bit by bit, resting against Zhuang Chi's neck. Only then did she realize she was trembling so violently that her teeth were about to chatter, as if she were cold. But a fire was clearly burning in her chest. The breath she exhaled was both hot and cool, her voice almost inaudible, “Then what about me?”
She didn't dare to look at Zhuang Chi's expression. After speaking, she leaned against Zhuang Chi's shoulder as if drained of all strength. Her hands twitched, but ultimately fell to her sides, not wrapping around Zhuang Chi's waist.
It felt as if Zhuang Chi had completely frozen. Not long ago, this person was worried about losing control herself; she would never have imagined that the one losing control now wasn't her. Finding grim amusement in her misery, Gu Ximian silently curled her lips into a smile and then let it fall. How pathetic. She had clearly intended to let Zhuang Chi go, had even steeled herself to say they should change the treatment method. How could a single sentence from Zhuang Chi make her become like this?
She took a shallow breath, finding a bit of comfort in the familiar, clear, bitter scent. It made her subconsciously half-raise her eyes. Her vision was a little blurry from moisture, but she could still see the side of Zhuang Chi's neck. The gland was right before her eyes, a patch of red, completely defenseless.
She was different from Zhuang Chi. Gu Ximian suddenly recalled the past. Zhuang Chi was so good. The last time their positions were reversed, Zhuang Chi had only placed a restrained kiss on her gland, so gentle it made one's heart tremble. Recalling it now still brought a faint sweetness to her heart.
But Gu Ximian wouldn't be like that. She was bad. She would act spoiled because she was doted on, taking advantage of Zhuang Chi's promise to be partial to her to bring her pain.
And this time, she didn't plan to return a school uniform jacket. Perhaps she would take something else of hers, or perhaps, everything she had.
Anything would do. Gu Ximian thought very seriously. Anything at all.
Gu Ximian closed her eyes and bit down on Zhuang Chi's gland.
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