Chapter 1: What Will You Give Me in Exchange?
The rain in Xilin came suddenly, a downpour in the blink of an eye. Pedestrians on the street hurried home, but Fang Jian alone held an umbrella, her steps heavy as she moved through the rain. She didn't know how long she had been walking. The hem of her robe, soaked by splashing mud, clung uncomfortably to her trousers, but she had no mind to care for it. That day, she had visited many homes, from her teacher to her classmates, from clan elders to wealthy merchants. She had begged countless people, but no one offered her help. They could only shake their heads, help her to her feet, and say there was truly nothing they could do.
Fang Jian's family was not wealthy; they owned but a few acres of poor land. But she was born clever and took well to her studies. Her first teacher said she was destined for great things. Her parents were overjoyed. They borrowed some money from relatives and opened a small food stall by the county gate, working from dawn till dusk to support her education, hoping she would one day distinguish herself. She lived up to their hopes, passing the Imperial Examination at sixteen, a moment of high-spirited pride.
But the good times did not last. Her parents had happened to be in the way when a powerful figure was entering the city. That person, accustomed to arrogance, bellowed for his men to seize the "insolent commoners" and throw them into the county yamen's prison. Their fate was unknown. A neighbor sent word to the academy, and Fang Jian rushed to the yamen to argue her case, but the county magistrate, fearing the dignitary's power, had her thrown out. Fang Jian begged everyone she knew, but the people she could reach were either young students like herself or respected teachers from the countryside. None of them had any real influence.
"A'jian, it's not that your teacher won't help. I am merely a destitute Prefectural Graduate. I am powerless. While there's still time, go and beg others. I'll write a few name cards for you—Shopkeeper Ye in the east of the city, Provincial Graduate Song in the north..."
"You're Fang Jian, right? To be honest with you, that dignitary has connections that reach the heavens. We may have some reputation in this county, but we have no say in this matter. Let it go. A gentleman's revenge is not too late after ten years."
"You troublesome youth, what business is it of mine? Why should I stick my neck out for you? Go on, go on."
"This is fate. One must accept one's fate."
...
Fang Jian walked and paused in the rain, her heart feeling as if it were being squeezed in a fist. In just two short days, she had gone from anguish to fury, and then to numbness. She was only seventeen. The books of sages she had read had not taught her how to face life's sudden tribulations.
The rain grew heavier. As she passed a teahouse, she walked woodenly under the eaves, inadvertently overhearing a conversation between other passersby who were also taking shelter.
"The highest-ranking official in our Xilin County right now must be that one from the Gao family, right?"
"Ah? The Gao family? Oh, oh, you mean Lord Gao Yunqu, the former Vice Minister of the Court of Judicial Review?"
"That's the one. If not for her filial mourning leave, she would have risen even higher."
"My goodness, Vice Minister of the Court of Judicial Review is a fourth-rank official? She's not even thirty yet, is she?"
"That's the Gao family for you. The old master of the Gao family rose to the rank of Grand Chancellor. Just listen to her name, Yunqu—a path to the heavens. An ordinary family wouldn't dare choose such a name."
As if she had found a life-saving treasure, Fang Jian's eyes lit up. She took a few steps forward, grabbed the passerby's sleeve, and asked, "May I ask where that Lord Gao is now?"
"Who are you? Let go!"
"I beg you, please just tell me. This humble student's life depends on it," she pleaded.
Seeing her sorry state, the man said, "Lord Gao Yunqu should still be in mourning. Her family lives in Tongren Square, in the east of the city."
"Thank you!"
Fang Jian ran toward Tongren Square like a madwoman. But she was a scholar, after all, unaccustomed to physical exertion. Before long, she was panting and had to slow down. The slower pace also cleared her mind. That was a fourth-rank official. What did she have to offer in exchange for help?
When she reached the entrance to Tongren Square, she composed herself. Her parents had toiled day and night for her sake. She had not yet repaid their kindness, so how could she turn a blind eye to their plight? As long as Lord Gao was willing to help, she would do anything.
The Gao Estate was one of the most magnificent buildings in all of Xilin. The gatehouse was tall, and there were no fewer than five Palace Graduate banners. A commoner like her could not simply enter such a household. She tried to submit a calling card, but the burly guards at the gate saw her shabby appearance and refused to pass it on, instead driving her away. So she waited by the gate, clinging to that slim, faint hope.
The spring wind and rain still carried a biting chill that seeped into her damp clothes and wrapped around her bones, causing a sore, aching pain. She was still growing, often woken at night by the stretching pain in the seams of her bones. Her mother would warm her joints with a hot towel, watching over her until she fell peacefully back to sleep. But at this moment, that searing pain spread from her bones throughout her body, scorching her heart. The pain was drawn out, as if it would never end.
But thankfully, her wait was not in vain. A carriage, understated yet luxurious in its details, stopped at the entrance of the Gao Estate. A young servant jumped down, placed a footstool by the carriage, and held up an umbrella, calling out, "My lord, we're home."
Gao Yunqu answered with a sound and emerged from the carriage. Her face was like crowned jade, her features possessing a heroic air, yet also the distinct radiance of a young woman. She wore a simple, plain robe, but the fabric looked to be of fine quality. Her hair was tied up with a small jade coronet, giving her an air of refined elegance and spirit. She stepped down from the carriage and was about to enter the gatehouse when someone called out to her.
"Lord Gao, this student, Fang Jian, begs you to save my parents' lives." The slender girl wore a scholar's robe, washed until it was pale. She carried the damp scent of the spring rain and shivered, yet her face showed the determination of an all-or-nothing gamble.
Gao Yunqu saw the fire burning in her eyes. The flames made her small face appear all the more exquisite and moving, tinged with a hint of ruthlessness and severity, making it incredibly vivid. Gao Yunqu's interest was piqued. She asked from her superior position, "Is this how you ask for a favor?"
Without hesitation, Fang Jian lifted the hem of her robe and knelt in a puddle, pressing her forehead heavily against the stone slabs before the Gao Estate's gate. She declared loudly, "My lord, my parents offended a newly arrived dignitary and were thrown into prison. This student has pleaded everywhere to no avail. I cannot bear to see my parents suffer injustice and die with grievances. I beg you, my lord, to lend a hand. From now on, this student will be at your disposal."
Gao Yunqu took a step forward, bent down, and hooked a finger under her lowered chin, guiding her to look up.
What a face it was—fair and delicate, like a precious flower that needed meticulous care. Her forehead was stained with filth, and muddy water trickled down, messing up her entire face. Yet it only made her complexion seem paler, the fire in her eyes more intense. It made one want to crush her further into the dust, just to see if the fire in her eyes would still burn.
Gao Yunqu smiled and released her. "Come in."
Fang Jian wiped the rain from her face with her sleeve and carefully followed Gao Yunqu into the Gao Estate. It was a world of opulence she had never seen, the extravagance of a great house, but she dared not look around. She kept her head lowered demurely and followed Gao Yunqu into the study.
The Gao family's study was filled to the brim with books, and she stood before the desk. Gao Yunqu sat in the grand armchair behind the desk, sizing her up with a smile. She did not speak, and Fang Jian did not dare to, despite the frantic anxiety in her heart.
After what felt like an eternity, Gao Yunqu's attendant delivered a card. Gao Yunqu glanced at it and placed it face down on the desk. She looked at Fang Jian again and said, "This matter of yours is not difficult for me."
Wild joy surged in Fang Jian's heart, but before she could speak, Gao Yunqu continued, "When asking for a favor, one must have some collateral. What will you give me in exchange?"
Fang Jian knelt once more, gritting her teeth. "To be your ox or horse, your slave or servant, at your complete disposal."
Gao Yunqu laughed again. "Words are the easiest thing to offer. You are a scholar, are you not? Can you truly give up your studies and scholarly pursuits to become my servant?"
"I can!" Fang Jian had nothing but herself—this body and this life. This was her only chance, and she unhesitatingly wagered everything she had.
"Good!" Gao Yunqu laughed heartily, applauding her decisiveness. Then she rose, spread out a sheet of paper, and turned the brush and ink toward Fang Jian. "You should know what it means to be a slave, don't you?"
She didn't wait for Fang Jian's reply, continuing on her own. "It means that you and everything you have are mine. I can do anything to you—life, death, bestowal, seizure. I can take your life, your future, your dignity... your chastity at any time."
Fang Jian understood. She clenched her fists, closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, her gaze was incomparably firm. "I know. If this is my fate, then I accept it. I beg for your lordship's mercy."
She bowed her head once more, pressing her forehead to the floor tiles. Her breath was hot and scalding against her own body. Tears welled in her eyes, but she dug her nails into her palms and forced them back down.
"Good, good, good!" Gao Yunqu laughed again, tapping the paper and brush with her fingertips. "Have you ever written a deed of sale? Write it yourself."
Fang Jian rose and did as she was told. Gao Yunqu stood by the desk watching, even finding the leisure to comment, "Your calligraphy isn't bad, it just lacks some backbone, a bit of maturity."
The fingerprint was pressed. From that moment on, Fang Jian was no longer her own person. She was an eagle with broken wings, Gao Yunqu's forbidden prize.
Gao Yunqu worked quickly. The next day, her parents returned home. The Gao family had even hired someone to treat their injuries. Seeing her parents safe and sound, she finally breathed a sigh of relief.
Her parents, trembling with apprehension, asked her what had happened. She told them she had found favor with the Gao family and would be working for them from now on. Facing her parents' hopeful and happy eyes, how could she tell them that she had sold herself to buy this reunion?
She stayed home for one night, explaining things to her parents. She said she would be working for Lord Gao and wouldn't be back often. Though they were reluctant to part with her, they told her to serve her benefactor well to repay the kindness. Fang Jian's anxious heart settled. The next day, she returned to the Gao estate.
She saw Gao Yunqu again in the same study. She was in the middle of writing a piece of calligraphy, and Fang Jian stood obediently to the side, waiting.
【When spring rains fall in the south, how can one appreciate its snow-and-frost-defying grace?】1
Gao Yunqu's calligraphy was grand and unrestrained, yet it did not lack a sense of weight and simplicity. It was truly a fine piece of work.
Putting down the brush, she looked at Fang Jian and said, "A good name. Who gave it to you?"
"My first teacher," Fang Jian answered respectfully.
"Very good. He had some skill." Gao Yunqu nodded in satisfaction, then proceeded to test her on her studies. Fang Jian answered every question.
"Not bad. Very solid. You should have no problem passing the Prefectural Graduate examination."
Fang Jian looked up at her in surprise.
Gao Yunqu smiled again. "What is it?"
"Those with slave status cannot take the imperial examinations," Fang Jian said in a small voice.
"Haha, I never registered your deed of sale with the authorities. Officially, you are still of clean status."
Hope rekindled in Fang Jian's eyes.
Gao Yunqu moved closer, whispering in her ear, "As long as you are obedient, why stop at a Prefectural Graduate? I will send you up the ladder to the clouds."
The hot breath on her earlobe easily made it turn red. She flinched but did not dare to pull away.
Gao Yunqu pressed closer, her arm circling Fang Jian's waist, her lips landing behind her ear, gently nuzzling. Fang Jian instinctively wanted to escape, but Gao Yunqu held her tight.
"Be good, don't move."
Deft hands untied her sash and fumbled inside her clothes, touching delicate skin. A cool palm roamed slowly over her waist and abdomen, lightly gathering and kneading, feeling with satisfaction the girl's uncontrollable trembling. Fang Jian closed her eyes, fighting her instinct to be afraid. Her body was stiff as she was led by the one in power to lean into her embrace.
Gao Yunqu soothed her with gentle caresses, her voice soft and patient. "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid."
Until the age of seventeen, Fang Jian's every waking moment had been filled with poetry, books, and rites. How could she know how to handle such an improper affair? But this was her benefactor, the one who had saved her parents' lives and was willing to let her continue her studies. What was there that she could not give? She relaxed her guard. Sensing her yielding, Gao Yunqu pressed even closer, kissing her cheek from behind as the hand inside her clothes moved up from her waist. Her robes loosened, barely covering her. Gao Yunqu's lightly calloused hand covered Fang Jian's breast. It was small, easily cupped in one palm. Gao Yunqu squeezed it, gently kneading and teasing, and in just a few moments, drew a delicate moan from the girl in her arms. Under the elder's gentle caresses and touch, Fang Jian's legs went weak, and her entire body fell into Gao Yunqu's embrace.
Gao Yunqu took a few steps back and sat in the armchair, holding Fang Jian. She lifted her up slightly, and Fang Jian, following her lead, parted her legs and sat astride Gao Yunqu's lap. In this position, she was slightly taller than Gao Yunqu. Gao Yunqu's lips fell upon her shoulder, nibbling gently without actually biting, only making her tense up. She hunched her shoulders, trying to shy away, but Gao Yunqu held her in place, forcing her to endure it. Her other hand traveled down Fang Jian's slender body, untied her trousers, and pulled them down, leaving her lower half naked. All that was left on her was the loose robe, so disheveled it made one unable to resist the urge to violate her.
Fang Jian felt her mind turn to mush. Her beautiful eyes were already hazy with confusion, and she instinctively reached down to stop Gao Yunqu's descending hand. Gao Yunqu's breathing grew heavier. Her hand, elegant as slender bamboo, was not deterred, moving straight down to firmly grasp the girl's vital part.
Fang Jian heard her own voice. Was that still her voice? So charming, so alluring. Waves of pleasure crashed into her mind with the movement of Gao Yunqu's hand. She let out a small cry as she was pushed to her climax.
Gao Yunqu withdrew her hand, swept her up, and placed her on the desk. Beneath her was the piece of calligraphy from before. The ink was already dry, but it was soon stained with a new wetness.
Gao Yunqu kissed her eyes, licking away her tears. Taking advantage of her dazed state, she had her wrap her arms around her neck, and then gently entered her.
The girl's passage was delicate and narrow, making the entry of even one finger somewhat difficult. She had only inserted a single knuckle when she heard the girl cry out in pain. She retreated a little, slowly circling and teasing the entrance. The wetness increased, unable to be contained by the opening, and trickled down to be absorbed by the paper. Gauging the moment, she held the person in her arms and unhesitatingly pushed her fingertip all the way in.
The invaded girl, tears in her eyes, hugged her back, but no longer cried out in pain. So she began to move with confidence, the in-and-out motions bringing forth more spring waters.
Fang Jian had once thought that death was but a moment of pain and an eternity of silence. But at this moment, she was tossed high and then dropped by overlapping waves, the piling pleasure turning her mind to chaos, making her wish for both life and death. She seemed to forget everything, controlled only by that one finger. It was given by her benefactor. She had no choice but to follow that person's rhythm. What was this? Was it pain? Not really. Was it torment? Not quite. Was it pleasure? Was it joy? She didn't know. She only knew that she was still Fang Jian, and yet she was not.
She followed her desire, yielding to Gao Yunqu's movements, accepting everything Gao Yunqu gave her, completely forgetting who she was.
Author's Notes
1【When spring rains fall in the south, how can one appreciate its snow-and-frost-defying grace?】: When you play with bamboo in the south after a spring rain, how can you see its heroic posture that defies frost and snow? From Xue Tao's "In Response to One Playing with Bamboo After the Rain." Very fitting for the scene.
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