Chapter 105: Pressed Close
"I…"
Song Hemei stood quietly before her mother, just as she had in her youth.
Back then, she could not embroider properly, could not learn the qin, chess, calligraphy, or painting. She would stand pitifully before her mother, waiting for her mother's heart to soften and let her off.
Mother would always put on a stern face to scold her, but never managed more than a few harsh words before sighing and saying it was fine.
She always said: "A girl does not have to excel at everything. As long as you marry a good man who can protect you for a lifetime, that's enough. If you can find a husband who dotes on you and indulges you, you don't need to learn these things."
As a young girl, hearing these words, she did not think anything was wrong with them. In fact, she secretly rejoiced.
But now, thinking back carefully, her mother had actually set the course for her future from the very beginning, to the point where she stubbornly believed that the Shao family, with their childhood acquaintances and shared history, was the place that would cherish and protect her. In the end, it had only trapped her and made it hard to break free.
For a moment, she was dazed, wondering what difference it would have made if she had learned to embroider well, or mastered qin, chess, calligraphy, and painting as a girl.
It seemed there was no difference—it would only have gilded her, giving her more bargaining chips when seeking a husband.
So she could not continue to be trapped in the dilemma her mother had set for her. These matters could never be fully explained to Mother.
Song Hemei curled her lips into a smile. "Daughter will be married in a few days, properly with a formal marriage certificate. Please inform Father for me—there is no need for me to appear before him and provoke his displeasure."
Mother's face turned ashen, a look of anguish on her features. "Can he truly be good to you? How long have you two been together, and you're already thinking of following him away?"
"None of that matters. Even if he sells me off, it's still better than withering away in the Shao family."
Song Hemei swept her gaze across every corner of the room once more. This was where she had grown up. Wherever her eyes landed, childhood memories surfaced in her mind.
It was rather poignant.
She let out a soft sigh, watching her mother still immersed in sorrow, which made her look like a foolish ghost who would not turn back until she crashed into the wall.
It was truly laughable. Should she even praise Mother for not fearing power and influence?
After all, Yu Yeqing's current official position could genuinely be considered one of power and influence in Changzhou. If it were another family, knowing their daughter was valued by such a high-ranking official, such an excellent opportunity for advancement, the household would surely be delighted to see it happen. Yet her parents' stubbornness had reached a ridiculous degree—they even rejected a clear path to success.
She had also wondered, when she came here: after learning of her involvement with Yu Yeqing, did her parents still truly think the Shao family was better?
Was it possible that, in their position as parents, some of that insistence came from an inability to back down gracefully?
After all, they had insisted she not leave the Shao family. Now that a better prospect had appeared, if they changed their tune, where would their parental authority and face be placed?
Song Hemei took a deep breath. "I know Mother is angry with me. I'll be going back now. If Mother still thinks of me, you can send letters to me through Jilang in the future."
Having said this, she turned to leave. But Mother stood up and choked out, "Mei-niang…"
Song Hemei turned back to look at her, and saw tears in Mother's eyes.
She hesitated for a moment, but in the end, her feet did not stop. She walked straight out of the room.
Back in her own courtyard, her heart still felt heavy.
She had often entertained the thought of defying her parents, but now that the moment of parting had truly come, seeing her mother's tearful eyes stirred feelings of reluctance and heartache. Perhaps she was just that softhearted. But she had to force herself. If she remained immersed in softness and reluctance, she would always be caged and constrained.
She should have made this choice three years ago. Now that it had been delayed until now, she had to harden her heart completely.
Yu Yeqing was sitting upright at the round table, the evening meal laid out before him. When he saw her return, he rose at once to greet her. "Your complexion isn't good. Did the master and madam make things difficult for you?"
He clenched his fist inside his sleeve. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let you go alone."
"You're still calling them 'Master' and 'Madam'? Now that you've got an official position, there's no need to be so polite as before."
Song Hemei cast a glance at him and saw he was about to blame himself again. She quickly pulled him over to sit down. "Save it. It's not that serious. I told them I'm going back to the capital with you, and told them about our wedding. Nothing else matters. We just won't see my parents much from now on."
Yu Yeqing kept staring at her, as if still worried.
Song Hemei smiled at him. "Alright, let's eat."
Back at the Song residence, the kitchen knew what she usually liked to eat, so the dishes brought over suited her tastes well.
Yu Yeqing, on the other hand, seemed a little ill at ease. Although they had been eating together for days, now that they were inside her private chamber, perhaps old memories were affecting him—he seemed tense.
Song Hemei patiently served him some food. "What are you thinking about? Why are you so nervous? It's not like you've never been in my room before."
Yu Yeqing bowed his head and murmured, "It's different."
"What's different? We've already spent two nights together. Why are you acting as nervous as a son-in-law visiting his in-laws for the first time?"
She didn't understand him, so she just focused on eating.
As the sky darkened, there was nothing else to do. She pulled him onto the bed early.
Only after lying in her soft bedding did Yu Yeqing whisper, "I keep thinking this is a dream. If I wake up, nothing will be left."
Leaning against his chest, Song Hemei thought he was talking nonsense.
"Mm, then treat it as a dream. I'm going to sleep first. Since you're so good at dreaming, see if you can join my dream tonight."
He didn't know which of her words comforted him, but Yu Yeqing let out a low laugh. He kissed her forehead, the warm sensation tickling a little.
"But I know it's not a dream. I've never had a dream this good before."
Song Hemei felt he was doing it on purpose—deliberately painting himself as so pitiful to make her heart ache.
But the more she knew he had harbored feelings for her for so many years, the more she pitied him. She had no choice but to hold him tighter, setting aside all concerns about summer heat.
Thinking about it now, it really did play into his hands—holding each other every night made her more convinced he was deliberately playing the pitiful card, and that he had already reaped the benefits.
But there was nothing she could do about him. She reached up and randomly stroked his back. "Sleep early. Tomorrow we still have to go pay respects to your parents."
Evening came, and there was still no word from Father wanting to see her. That was fine. Tomorrow she would pack her things, and after the grave-sweeping, they would head straight to Pingzhou.
Because they had to go to the grave, nothing could be done that night. The next morning, after bathing and changing clothes, Song Hemei did not bring a maid. She went to the stable, led out a horse, and prepared to leave.
Yu Yeqing had been obediently leading the horse for her. When they rounded the corner of the Song residence, she reached out her hand to him. "Get on. Walking all that way—aren't you tired?"
Yu Yeqing looked at her slender white hand, but did not take it. Instead, he grabbed the saddle in front of her and swung himself up.
His chest pressed directly against her back. Song Hemei's body tensed instinctively, but as he reached around to take the reins, pulling her entire person into his embrace, she slowly relaxed. She simply let go of the reins and leaned back against him.
"I thought you were going to keep your distance from me. But before I could even persuade you, you jumped right on."
Yu Yeqing squeezed the horse's belly, and the mare walked forward at a leisurely pace.
He leaned close to her ear, his low, hoarse voice drifting in. "I'm not keeping my distance. I only wish everyone could see."
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